Royal Prick(26)

All of this had so much more to do with the fact that she saw me— the real me— and that tiny little sliver of brokenness above everything else. She saw what I had been hiding for years. What nobody else was able to see not even my own mother. She saw a piece of me that even I didn’t like to see.

“You meant it, and guess what, I don’t care that you said it because being broken just means you know what pain feels like. It means you have survived the hardest of the hard in your life. It doesn’t hurt me or make me feel weak that you know I’m broken. I’ve always been broken. The only difference now is that I just let you see it for a change.” There was so much conviction in my words, so much emotion. I never confessed something like that out loud.

“I’m…” I could tell from the look of sadness in those hazel eyes of hers that she was going to mumble something along the lines of, I’m sorry.

I didn’t want to hear that. I didn’t want to hear anything close to an apology because it would always be me that was sorry.

With my heart beating loudly in my ears drowning out the pain that coursed throughout my body, I stared down at her.

“Broken things are always better off left alone. Sometimes all the pieces can’t be found to put the person back together. Sometimes the person doesn’t want to be fixed. That’s why if you were smart, you would leave me alone, and realize that I’m not really worth saving. Don’t try and pick up the sharp broken pieces of who I am; you will just end up getting cut in the process,” I warned. I warned her of all the bad that I would cause.

“It doesn’t have to be this way, Royal. I can see beyond the blackness. I see someone that wants to be saved,” she cried out, begging to save me. This was exactly what I meant. She would forever want something that I couldn’t give her because I wasn’t worthy of someone like Noelle.

I forced my muscles to turn away from her and head toward the door. I glanced at her one last time over my shoulder, the look of defeat and solemnness in her eyes causing a rippling wave of emotions to erupt inside of me. I hated myself for hurting her. For making her want me and knowing that I couldn’t give her any part of me.

“It does, and it will be for as long as I stay here. Please don’t try and change it, because hurting you is the last thing I want to do to you.” I would never bring this conversation up again.

Each step out and away from Noelle was a deafening blow to the heart. Every piece of my body, including the beating organ in my chest was calling to be close to her. Begging me to give in and be a better man to her. Begging me to change the monster I was to be the prince she deserved.

My hands tightened in anger. I would forever hate myself for letting someone as perfect as Noelle go. I allowed my mind to drift off into another world where maybe we could be together.

She fuels your rage, and stokes the flames of desire inside of you. She’s the match needed to end it all. Together we’re like gasolin, and fire. No good for each other. A single spark could end up burning both of us beyond repair.

Still I’ll be damned if I didn’t want to risk sticking my hands into the flames for one last burning touch.





Chapter Ten

-Noelle



I wish I could say things with Royal got less complicated that night, but they didn’t; they just got more confusing. My body hummed, and tingles cascaded across my skin whenever my mind drifted to him and the things that he said to me. The thoughts of my body lying firmly on top of his strong, warm chest was causing my heart to race and desire to pulse through me. Royal was the king of vaginal clenches.

I couldn’t believe the asshole embarrassed me like that, even if it was just in front of him. He had a death wish. I was sure of it, or maybe it was just me he was trying to kill. Whether it was with embarrassment or lust, I wasn’t sure. Still his confession only made me want him that much more. I wanted to be that band-aid that could cover all of his wounds and protect him from the pain, but that just wasn’t a realistic thought.

“Earth to Noelle?” Jordan’s snarky and slightly drunk voice met my ears. We were supposed to be at the party already but stopped at the Falls to get our pre-drink on. I already downed a couple shots of whiskey and knew I needed to slow down in order to get us to Sasha’s house.

“I’m listening. I’m just a little lost inside of my own head right this second.” I lied. I wasn’t listening at all. I was however stuck inside my head, trying to figure out what Royal’s confession really meant.

“Well, it doesn’t matter either way. Supposedly Sasha and Royal are going to be official or something? It was all over Facebook.” Jordan paused to take a drink from the bottle of Jack Daniels, and then swiped her hand across her lips to get rid of any access liquor before offering the bottle back to me. I declined with a shake of my head.