I watched her green eyes fill with murderous rage. Her anger toward me didn’t bother me one bit. It just added to the fire that was already blazing inside of me. Plus, I knew the type of woman she was— the money hungry, I take whatever I can to better myself kind of person. She was nothing but a piece of garbage in my eyes. Why he threw a precious stone away like my mother for a dirty piece of coal, I didn’t know. My thoughts trailed off as I stopped right in front of the door to the study. Lifting my fist, I beat it against the door, my father’s deep voice ringing out.
“Come in, Royal.” He sounded pleased that I finally listened to him.
“I still don’t like you. I probably never will, so don’t try and make an effort to be something we both know you’re not.” I wasn’t smug about anything I said, just truthful, because let’s face it, it took more than money and a few visits here and there to be a dad. Anyone, could be a dad if that were the case.
I was taken aback as his laughter filled the room. What the hell was he laughing about? I wasn’t making any kind of joke. He pursed his lips, slipping on a pair of thick, stylish glasses as he pulled out a thin stack of papers.
“Ahhh. Look, son, I know I screwed up big time as a father, and I am sorry,” my father said with a look of genuine regret on his aged but still handsome face. “There are a lot of things I know we need to talk about and work through. Unfortunately, there really isn’t anything I can do to turn back the clock and change how things ended between your mother and I.” I rolled my eyes at him, getting tired of this conversation already. Mark shrugged his shoulders as if telling me it is what it is. That just annoyed me even further.
It’s like he felt no guilt or responsibility for the role he played in me being fucked up. Didn’t he realize what it felt like to be abandoned and what a toll that took on a person?
“Listen, Royal, I didn’t call you in to talk about the past; we’ll get to it sooner or later, but right now there is something else we need to discuss.” He paused, before continuing on.
“I wanted to tell you that I spoke with your mother before you came out here.”
The mere mention of my mother pierced my heart like a dagger was being shoved into it. I hurt her in so many ways, disappointed her, and made her feel guilty for things she shouldn’t. All because of the man in front of me.
Truthfully, I never meant to be the cause of any more pain or stress for her. Guilt ripped through me, seizing me in a vice of pain. The feeling was so strong I felt like it would consume me if I allowed it to.
I was slowly working through all the emotions I felt. Everyone that got too close to me ended up getting hurt. If you thought you could dig deeper, find out what made me tick, you were wrong. I was a cobra ready to strike at the first hand that tried to reach me. A failure stuck in my own emotional abyss, and I didn’t need any fucking rescuing.
“Yeah, that much is obvious. Did she tell you how bad I was? That I broke her heart by being a piece of shit son?” I spoke, trying to sound bored with the topic, even though I was furious that they went behind my back and talked. “I guess I’m sorta like you in that way, Dad.” My father stared at me, clearly ignoring my anger toward the two of them.
“We devised a plan together. You know how much we love you, and we want to see you become an individual that society can look up to, not one they can throw in a prison cell. All the fights you have been in are causing a lot of damage to your record. You act like you don’t care about anything, but I know that’s a lie. There has to be something you care about.” I narrowed my eyes at him. If he for one second thought he could lecture me or act like he knew me, he had another thing coming.
I cleared my throat, my face a blank canvas as I stared him straight in the eyes. “I don’t really see how anything that you just said is of any of your concern?” It was apparent that I was getting on his nerves I could see the tension in his face and in the way he held his pen. I knew anger. It was a permanent fixture in my life, the only thing that stayed.
“Firstly, I am your father, the DNA says so, even if you hate the very thought of it there is no changing it. Secondly, a record keeps you from getting a job, from attending college. Do you have any idea what fighting does to a person? Do you even care? What about how much it hurts your mother and me?” The words sputtered from his throat. It was the first time he showed me any other type of emotion other than anger. I clenched my fists at my sides, shoving up from the chair that I was sitting in. The force of my movement caused the chair to scrape across the floor. Do I even care? That was a rich question coming from him. He must be joking.