I nodded. “He’ll figure that out eventually. Poppy keeps trying to tell me he has always loved her like a sister, that he just didn’t know it at the time because he was so worried about everyone leaving him. If that’s the case, there is no way he won’t eventually come around and want to love his actual sister in the same way.”
“I sure hope so.” She lifted an eyebrow at me and pointed the rim of her wineglass in my direction. “And I hope you realize that you are doing the exact same thing he did. Letting fear decide who you’re going to be with. You already spent a decade working your way back to where you wanted to be. It’s absolutely foolish to waste that because of something that might or might not be. From everything you’ve told me and everything I’ve seen, Rowdy isn’t the type to beat around the bush. If he had feelings for your sister at all, he wouldn’t be furious at you and hounding you for avoiding him this last week. He’s trying to get you to see him looking for you, Salem, the same way you came looking for him after all this time.”
I made a face that had her laughing and I couldn’t resist ordering dessert when our server came by and asked if we wanted anything else. I was bummed out and missed my man, so ice cream and brownies were absolutely called for.
“I didn’t have a choice. I think I’ve been trying to find my way back to him since the second I left.”
“That must have been hard for both of you.”
“Yeah. As soon as I left I knew things weren’t going to be easy for him but I hoped for the best. The foster family he stayed with through high school were really nice people and I think they took care of his basic needs, but there was no one there to help him figure out his future or to teach him how to follow his heart. Did you know he played football? He could have gone pro if he wanted.” I couldn’t help the pride that snuck into my tone. “He was amazing but he never loved it. It was just a way to fit in. He loved art and he wanted to draw. He was amazing at that as well and that was his true passion, his real calling.”
I moved my hair off of my neck and shoulders and showed her the field of flowers and birds flying across my back. “He drew this for me when he was twelve. The birds were free and he knew that’s the only thing I ever wanted. It was how he tried to give me some kind of liberty from my father’s rule.”
Sayer leaned closer to look at the design, and when she pulled back she put her hands on the table and looked at me with serious eyes.
“Salem, I don’t know Rowdy that well but I can look at that and see someone handing you their heart. I can’t believe you have any kind of question about how he feels about you. What other man since then has tried to offer you what you wanted most? He was just a kid at the time and he was trying to make your dreams come true.”
Well, shit. Put like that, it made my heart lodge in my throat and my insecurity feel pitiful and petty.
“He’s always been a very special guy.”
“Well then, I’m sure he figured out he deserves a very special girl. I’m sure your sister is a lovely person, Salem, but she let him chase after her, let him follow her, let him sacrifice his education and possible future for her without a thought. You left, but you also came back. You left your job, your life, and everything you were building in Vegas once you knew he was here. I don’t think it’s where you go that matters, I think it’s where you end up.”
I finished my wine with a hefty chug. “You did the same thing.”
“I did and I can only hope that eventually he’ll realize that matters. I think he already figured it out with you.”
I still wasn’t one hundred percent sure about that, but when I got home and got berated by my sister yet again for being a no-show when Rowdy came around looking for me, I was starting to believe it more. He texted me twice before I went to bed and I couldn’t justify ignoring him anymore, so I responded that I would see him at work tomorrow and we could talk at some point over the weekend. I didn’t want the entire shift at the shop to be awkward and uncomfortable between us tomorrow when we worked together. I also told him good night and stopped just short of texting him that sleeping alone sucked. Jimbo gave me sad eyes as he climbed up onto Rowdy’s side of the bed and laid his head on my arm.
I patted his rapidly growing head and scrunched-up nose as he licked at my fingers. “I’ll get it together, Jimbo. I promise.” The dog whined and I sighed. “I know. I miss him, too.”
WHEN ROWDY WALKED INTO the shop the next afternoon I expected him to jump all over me and demand answers for my admittedly terrible behavior as of late, but he didn’t. He smiled at me in his normally charming way and went to his station to set up since he had back-to-back appointments scheduled throughout the day. He didn’t look at me, or try and talk to me beyond what was necessary for business for the entire shift. It stressed me out and made me feel even worse than I already did, and of course since I hadn’t seen him for a few days, all I wanted to do was stare at him and remember what he looked like wearing nothing but the battered cowboy hat. It made for a very unpleasant and tense afternoon.