Rowdy(60)

She just stared at me for a minute before finally looking away. “I don’t know. I never meant to hurt him, but I couldn’t keep it from him any longer either. I have to settle the estate. I only had one more week until my dad’s attorney was going to move to contact him if I didn’t reach out myself.”

I sighed and scooted a little closer to the edge of my fancy leather seat. “You need to understand something about Rowdy St. James. He has a huge heart. He’s a good man but he has suffered so much loss in his life it’s really hard for him to let anybody get too close. You being family—actual blood family—has him scared out of his ever-loving mind.”

Her blue eyes were identical to the ones I had been gazing into all weekend.

“I came across the information on his mother’s murder when I tried to track him down initially.”

“That’s just the tip of the iceberg. His mom, and then me. We were really, really close growing up and I left him without a backward glance because I was selfish and young, and then there was my sister.” I bit down on my lower lip and powered through. “Rowdy adored her, claimed to be in love with her, and even went as far as to ask her to marry him.” My voice cracked a little and I had to clear my throat. “And then there is Phil Donovan. He’s the man that started the tattoo shop. He saved Rowdy. He brought him to Denver and gave him a dream job, fostered his art, and let him be the man he was always supposed to be. He gave Rowdy the one thing he always wanted, a home, and he passed away from cancer not too long ago. Everyone Rowdy loves has let him down or left him in some way. That’s why he froze you out, why he wouldn’t hear anything you had to say to him.”

She sucked in an audible breath and put her palms flat on her desk. “That is a lot of loss.”

“It is. He’s been kicked around a lot by the people that were supposed to take care of him and he’s just trying to keep himself safe.”

She tilted her head to the side just a fraction and those sky-blue eyes narrowed at me. “What about you? You left and he let you back in.”

I let out a dry laugh. “I have a toe in the door but I’m nowhere near back in. Every time I grab my purse, every time I tell him I have to run out for something, he looks at me like I’m never coming back. He knows me better than anyone in my entire life ever has even after ten years apart, but he doesn’t trust me to stay with him at all.”

“But aren’t you involved with one another?” She laughed and wrinkled her nose up a little. “He thought I was trying to ask him out on a date last night and told me in no uncertain terms he was seeing someone.”

“We’re involved, but I think that level of involvement might differ depending on which one of us you’re talking to.”

Her pale eyebrows shot up. “You love him?”

I snorted in an entirely unladylike way and tapped my fingers on my knee to dispel some of the tension that built up inside of me at that question.

“I’ve loved him in many different ways since he was ten years old.” She cringed because even I could hear the wistfulness in my voice. “I told you I was here for him.”

“How did you know he would welcome you back into his life? Ten years is a long time.”

“I didn’t. But it was a chance I had to take because in all the time that passed he is the only one that stuck with me. He was worth the risk . . . he still is, even though I know stuff now I didn’t know then.”

“What are you trying to tell me, Salem? I can see it in all of this but I don’t know you, or Rowdy, well enough to put it all together.”

I got to my feet and smoothed a hand over the fabric of my skirt. “I’m telling you he’s worth it and that eventually he’ll get out of his own head and want you to be there. Be patient with him. When he’s done being terrified that you’re just another person that can leave him or let him down, he’s going to come looking for you.” I made sure she could see how important what I was telling her was in my steady gaze. “If you’re gone or no longer interested when he starts moving toward you, it’s going to break him and he doesn’t deserve that. So before you make any decisions on really being his sister—on being in his life—think about how committed you are to staying put until he finds his way to you.”

She got to her feet also and I had this weird thought that Rowdy really couldn’t have two more different women on every single level there was trying to find a place in his life at the exact same time. One thing was obvious that Sayer and I did have in common was that we were both strong and both determined to force our way in no matter how bad our boy wanted to keep us out.