And Willow, too. At the Archer farm he could show her how to use a reata, how to tie a quick-release knot, the easiest way to mend a sagging fence line. Here he’d be stepping on Court’s toes, horning in on their Father/Daughter time. He loved to see her on the pony, though, loved to see her huge grin and hear her tinkling laugh.
She looked up then, almost as though his own thoughts had called out to her.
“Uncle Seth!” Willow shouted. “Uncle Seth, look! I’m riding!”
Seth waved to her and smiled. His eyes darted to Rowan, though, who quickly looked away, picking at her sweater.
“Come here! Watch!” the little girl demanded.
He wanted to—so, so much—but he instead he shook his head. “I can’t, honey. I have to work.”
She frowned. “But…it’s Easter!”
Seth returned the disappointed look. “I know, honey. I’m sorry. Have fun, though! I’m proud of you!” He stacked the last bale, turned, and quickly walked away, putting himself out of their line of sight. It felt strange going to his room in the middle of the day, so he ducked into the kitchen through the side door and found Sofia and Dakota there, working on dinner for everyone.
Without a word, Seth rolled up his sleeves and washed his hands in the sink then picked up a towel.
Dakota opened her mouth, but Seth saw Sofia shake her head sharply at her daughter. He was grateful for the invisibility of the kitchen, just listening to them chatter away about how many empanadas could fit on a rack as Seth lost himself in the familiar pinching of dough for the repulgue. It was similar to braiding a reata, and he’d done both many times.
Dinnertime came while he was still lost in thought, and Seth might have tried to slip back out the side door, but Sofia shoved a platter into his hands and shooed him into the large formal dining room. Everyone was already gathered, and it seemed impossible to sneak away.
At the table, things were a bit stiff between the adults. Gabe was (rightfully) still sore about the awful truth regarding his father’s death. Austin and Walker had little to say to each other, and though Dakota sat with her mom and brother across the table, she may as well have plunked her ass right down between the twins for all the tension in the air. Seth caught Walker looking at her more than once from across the room. Curiously, though, Austin seemed to pay her no mind at all. He seemed more interested in getting to know his little niece.
It was Willow who broke up most of the tension, asking questions about the empanadas, why some had meat and others had fruit and how yucky it was to get them confused after you’d already taken a bite of the other kind. She was a bright spot, sweeping away the clouds that had descended on all of them with the last winter storm and had never gone away afterward.
She was a Barlow, through and through, with her chestnut-dark hair, a shade deeper than Rowan’s, and her dimpled smile that looked just like Court’s. Seth was glad to have another member of the family, but he ached as he looked at her with longing of his own. She even transfixed Walker, who’d quite possibly forgotten how to smile somewhere around his sixteenth birthday and had just now remembered how it was done.
Mr. Archer said little. The old man was as reticent as Walker, who sat across from him. He thanked Sofia for the food, though, profusely, and seemed to prefer conversing with the older woman rather than anyone else at the table. Despite Sawyer and Willow’s silliness, there was still a swirling undercurrent of tension in the room.
Rowan was entirely silent and barely eating to boot. She wouldn’t so much as glance his way, which made Seth’s gut twist and had him eating less of Sofia’s Easter dinner, as well.
He sighed inwardly and tried to enjoy the moment for what it was, though.
This family, cracked and disconnected as it was, was still better than none at all.
“We should go,” Rowan said finally, the only thing she’d said all throughout dinner.
Mr. Archer, finished with his own meal, thanked Sofia again, and Walker for the invitation, and the Archers headed out the front door to Rowan’s car. Everyone followed to send Willow off, everyone except Seth, who sat alone in the dining room. He gazed at his untouched plate until he finally picked it up and carried it into the kitchen. He practically threw it into the sink. He didn’t bother to stay and help clean up. He dashed out the back door instead.
As he walked away, it became harder and harder to put one foot in front of the other. He wanted to go back, go back and pull Rowan into his arms, go back and kiss her until that look of utter defeat and disappointment was replaced with that rare smile that warmed his heart whenever he caught a glimpse of it.
His steps slowed and goddamn it all to hell he nearly turned around. These lonely nights, these meaningless days, frankly, they terrified him. A whole lifetime of them? And that’s what it would be, a lifetime, because there was no one for Seth Barlow but that fiery woman who loved this land just as much as he did. No one else was everything he needed and everything he secretly wished for. The thought of a lifetime without Rowan made Seth’s blood run cold.
Just once, he wanted to do the wrong thing, have something, someone, for himself.
His footsteps slowed until he stopped entirely.
Dad had sacrificed everything and at the end, when it hadn’t been enough, he’d ridden out into a storm to give them the very last thing he had left—his life. It was cold now, without Rowan and Willow, and it would just keep getting colder, until Seth was frozen, too, right into this very spot.
He had almost made it to the barn before Court caught his arm and turned him. “Seth, wait. I—”
Seth’s fist connected with Court’s jaw, sending the younger man flying. “She’s not yours!” Seth bellowed. “She’ll never be yours, because she’s mine. Do you understand what I’m saying? Do you get what I’m telling you? Rowan is mine. And you do whatever it is you need to do to get over that. Because I’m not letting her go. I’m not sitting across the table from her for the rest of my life wishing for what could’ve been. It’s going to be. She and I are going to be together. So, you get your shit together! I don’t care what you have to do, or who you have to talk to, or what needs to happen, but you get it together, and you keep it together! Whatever it takes, but Rowan is mine! She’s mine, and that’s all there is to it.”
Court stared up at him, open mouthed, dumbfounded. Even Seth was surprised at the ferocity of his own words, his own feelings. He never intended for this happen. It had just boiled up, exploded somehow. But there it was, he’d said it. And he’d meant it. There was no going back now, not that Seth ever would. A fire burned inside him hotter than any he’d ever dreamed possible, and there was no putting it out.
“I will never, ever take your daughter away,” he amended. “She’s your blood, and I won’t do that. But Rowan…” He swallowed hard and shook his head. “Rowan doesn’t need you. She needs me. She wants me, Court. And I want her. I have never—ever—asked any of you for a God damn thing, not in my entire life. And I’m not doing it now. I’m taking it. I’m taking her. And I swear to God if you try to stop me, I’ll put you right back down in the dirt. I’ll stand here, and I’ll keep doing it, keep putting you down until you give up. Because I will never give up, Court. I will never give up on Rowan the way you did.”
Court pushed himself off the ground, and Seth tensed to deliver another blow. Not for any real reason other than he was so furious at Court, at life, at the hand he’d been dealt. His own bad decisions had put him here. He knew it, but he was still raw about it. As his hands flexed into fists, Court raised his own in surrender.
“I get it,” Court said quietly.
Seth snorted derisively.
“I do,” his younger brother insisted. “I do. I’ve seen it. In both of you. The two of you are in so much pain, pain that I caused. I came to tell you she needs you more than she needs me. I can’t do it, either, Seth. I can’t watch the two of you struggling so hard to push each other away for my sake. You need each other. You deserve each other. Though…I appreciate not being cut out of my daughter’s life.”
He said it with no hint of sarcasm, no sign of anger or contempt. All Seth heard was reason and regret. He blinked at Court, unable to quite believe what he was hearing. It seemed impossible that Court would give up anything willingly for somebody else. And yet here he was, backing down from a fight so that Seth could have the one thing he wanted most in the world. It was a small victory, only the first, Seth knew.
The biggest battle was still to come.
“It’ll…it’ll take the rest of my life to get her back,” he groaned. “I broke her heart into a million pieces. And I don’t know how I’m going to fix it, since she won’t see me. She won’t even look at me. She won’t even let me help her with her ranch when she so clearly needs it.”
Court actually smiled. “I’ve got an idea about that,” he said.
“About what?” Seth asked. “About how I can get her back? Or how I can save her place?”
“Yep,” replied Court, adjusting his hat.