A ghostly pallor replaced Trevor’s usual rosy glow. He snagged the decanter, swigging the alcohol directly from the bottle. One. Two. Three solid mouthfuls.
A million questions tumbled in Chassie’s head but one pushed front and center. “Are you gay?”
“No.”
“Did I not just see you in a lip lock with your former male ropin’ partner?”
“Yes. Before you ask, I ain’t bi either. It’s just…” He gestured helplessly. “It’s just Edgard.”
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Lorelei James
Chassie couldn’t look at him, his mouth swollen from Edgard’s kisses, his cheeks reddened from razor stubble, the agony burning in his eyes. She needed to remain in control and keep the gut-wrenching emotions in check. She spun back to the window, but focused on the amber liquid in her shot glass.
“Don’t tune me out, Chass. Please.”
“I’m not. I’m just tryin’ to figure out a way to ask if you ever had sex with Dag.”
He sucked in a harsh, surprised breath. “God, no.”
Once again Chassie had that overwhelming sense of betrayal. “Does everybody suspect the truth about you and Edgard? Am I a laughingstock in the whole rodeo community? Everyone knew you took pity on poor Chassie West and married her because she was naïve and no one else wanted her?”
“No, baby, it ain’t like that. Not at all.” Trevor made a rough sound, a cross between a frustrated sigh and a snort. “You know how goddamned hard it is to keep a secret in that community. So if there’d have been rumors about me’n Ed, you’d’ve heard ’em.”
True. There’d been whispers about Dag’s sexual preferences for years, but she’d suspected her brother’s proclivities before she’d heard the gossip. “How long were you and Edgard…?”
“For two and a half years.”
“And during that time no one suspected?”
“Why would they? Edgard and I were together because we were travelin’ and ropin’
partners. And it wasn’t like all of a sudden I stopped chasin’ women. There were always plenty of women around.”
“That’s just another great visual I needed.”
“You knew a lot stuff about me before we got married.”
“Not this.”
“You think I wanna talk about this, Chass? You think I wanna relive all that past shit with my wife? You can’t believe I get off hurtin’ you. And I know this big mess is hurtin’
you bad.” She heard the slosh of alcohol as Trevor tipped the bottle and drank again. His 63
Rough, Raw, and Ready
voice was whiskey rough. “Hurtin’ you, when I love you so goddamn much is killin’
me.”
That much wasn’t a lie. Which was probably why this situation tore her guts out.
Even now she didn’t doubt Trevor’s feelings for her. From the moment they’d slipped on their wedding rings and repeated their vows, Chassie hadn’t worried he’d cheat on her with another woman.
The idea of him cheating on her with another man had never crossed her mind.
Trevor interrupted her thoughts by saying, “I take that back. One person did know.”
“Who?”
“Colby. Only because he was our other travelin’ partner and he ah…came in at a bad time one night. He didn’t understand, but me’n him have been friends forever. Colby is of the ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ mindset and Channing found out when she followed the circuit with us. Then Colby got injured and Ed went back to Brazil.”
A burst of anger ripped through Chassie. Her cousin Colby hadn’t warned her about marrying a man who was in love with another man? “Why did Edgard go back to Brazil?”
“Problems with his ranch down there. Problems with me because I couldn’t give him what he wanted.”
“Which was?”
“A monogamous relationship. I couldn’t be…” Trevor paced behind her. “Edgard is the only man I’d ever felt like that about and it freaked me out. Christ. I didn’t want to want him that way, but I did. Even after we started havin’ sex, I never quit bein’ with women. It wasn’t because I was in denial of bein’ gay or bi or any such shit. Edgard knew I wouldn’t give them up and he didn’t ask me to. That wasn’t fair to him. Hell, even if women had stopped appealin’ to me and I woulda been free to be only with him, I still wouldn’t have done it.”
“Why not?”
“I woulda lost everything. I know them kinda relationships are acceptable in a big city, but we both know that ain’t so out here.”