He was already snatching clothes out of his closet and tossing them on the bed when he threw the phone down on the mattress. It bounced and hit the floor; Macy stooped to pick it up. What the hell should she say? What should she even ask? He had all but forgotten her presence, though she understood that completely.
Finally she blurted the only thing that really mattered to her at that moment. “Are you okay?”
He paused long enough to rub his eyes hard with his thumb and index finger. He didn’t answer. From several feet away, she could see the trembling of his hands.
“What do you need me to do? Let me help,” she tried again, hoping to get some constructive response that way.
“There’s nothing you need to do. I’ll drive you home and head out.”
“Seth, listen to me. I know you’re upset, and I know all you’re thinking about is getting to her, but you’ve been awake all night, and you do not need to be on the road right now.”
He grabbed a duffel bag from the closet and carelessly shoved a handful of T-shirts into it. “I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. You could—”
“Baby, I’ve got enough raw adrenaline pumping through me right now to never need to sleep again. I got this, okay?”
“At least let me call Brian. Maybe he can go with you or something.”
“Hell no, I’m not gonna bother him with this.”
“You know he’d want to help.”
“I know. Which is exactly why I’m not calling him.”
“Then let me go with you. Or even get you a plane ticket. Anything. Please.”
“You driving wouldn’t be any better than me. And I appreciate the offer, but you know I’ll have been able to drive to Oklahoma in the time it would take me to get through all that bullshit at the airport.”
Dammit, she wasn’t making a single dent. He didn’t even look at her, just spouted his retorts as he continued his frantic packing. “Seth, can you honestly tell me your nana would want you to put yourself in danger?”
His shoulders slumped. Then he dropped the shirt and bent over the bed, holding himself up with his fists, breathing deeply. She stepped forward and smoothed her fingers over his shuddering back. “Just a few hours’ sleep and I bet you’ll be good as new.”
“There’s no fucking way I could sleep right now.”
Any little thing could set him off again. She knew that, but she had to ask. Swallowing her anxiety, she said, “What happened to her?”
“A stroke, they think.” Standing straight, he picked up the shirt and whipped it down into the bag with a violence that made her step back. “Son of a motherfucker.”
“Don’t blame yourself for not being there. You said yourself she wanted you here.”
“I know that.”
“So let’s think about this and—”
He surged into action again. “No, fuck it. I’m going.”
“Then I am going with you.”
“Yeah, right.”
The way he brushed her words off as if she didn’t mean them stung her. “We can take shifts and keep each other awake. I know I’ll be in the way once we get there, but we’ll figure something out. I only want you to be safe. Hey.” Catching his arm, she made him look at her. The raw pain in his eyes stole her breath for a second. “I’m serious.”
“Macy…”
“You wanted to be there for me back then. I want to be here for you now.”
Suddenly, he wouldn’t meet her gaze, and a black pit opened and yawned wide in the bottom of her stomach. She might be overstepping the boundaries of this relationship…whatever this relationship was. He might very well not want her intrusion into a private family matter. And while she could understand completely, the pain that ripped through her at the thought was so sharp and real that, for the second time in less than a minute, she could hardly breathe through it.
He couldn’t do this. Not now.
“Macy, this is…”
“Whatever else this is, you’re my friend. I would do this for any of my friends.” It was the truth, even if she was minimizing for her own sense of self-preservation.
“I was only about to say this is crazy. You have stuff going on, you have a job—”
“And I work for my parents, who are extremely understanding and capable people. I can find a way back somehow. Candace and Sam can come get me; they’ll love a road trip, and we need girl time. I won’t be in your way.”
When he reached up and stroked her cheek, a little of that emptiness closed up. He wanted her. Even if she couldn’t stay with him, it was all she needed to know…that he wished she could. “You wouldn’t be in my way. I’d keep you with me if you could stay. I’m sure I won’t be back this time until…it’s over.”
“I know. I’m sorry you’re going through this.”
“You’re incredible, you know that? I wish she could have met you.”
Macy reached up and took his hand from her cheek to hold it against her chest. With her other, she stroked the back of his neck, feeling the tension straining his muscles. “Hey. She still might. Don’t think like that.”
“It sounds…pretty grim.”
“Then let’s get you to her. Okay?”
He enveloped her in his arms, squeezing the air from her lungs and holding so tight she almost couldn’t fill them again. She returned the embrace just as fiercely.
When he hurts, I hurt.
The tears that welled up then, they weren’t such a bad thing, and she let them flow. They weren’t for herself. They were all for him.
“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” Candace asked.
Macy glanced out the window of the convenience store and balanced the cell phone precariously between her ear and shoulder as she grabbed drinks out of the cooler. Outside, Seth was filling up his car with gas. The sight of him in his hoodie and ratty jeans with the early morning sunlight glinting off his aviator sunglasses made her heart flip over. A brunette walking by him in sprayed-on, low-slung jeans and a teeny T-shirt nearly tripped over her own feet checking him out. He tipped his chin up at her. Macy rolled her eyes.
“I don’t really—”
“Ma-cy.”
“I might be…a little bit in love with him?”
That made her friend laugh. “A little bit? That’s like being a little bit pregnant or something. It doesn’t happen.”
“I have a serious question to ask you.”
“Okay?”
“What do you honestly think the future holds for either of us? You or me. I mean, thirty years from now, are we still really going to be with these guys, coming home old and gray from the tattoo parlor? Listening to heavy metal all the time while we try to keep them from cussing around the grandkids?”
“I’ll be with mine, whatever he’s doing. Without a doubt.”
“I just feel like their very profession allows them to revel in their Peter Pan syndrome or something.”
“Brian is serious-minded, though. He’s thinking ahead. He knows he won’t do this forever, most likely, and he’s looking at opening a few more parlors around the area. Plus, let’s face it…he’ll inherit someday, and so will I. So will you.” She laughed. “Well, I’ll inherit unless my parents finally disown me.”
“Oh, that’ll never happen.”
“I’ve decided you must be right. They would’ve done it already. And hey, it’s not like Ghost is a slacker. He’s not going to spend all his time laid up on your couch.”
“I know.”
“So stop worrying so much. God. It’s so funny. Here I tell you not to worry, and your advice to me was always to worry my ass off.”
“All right, already.” Macy put their snacks on the front counter and dug her wallet out of her purse. “You’ll have many hours to put me under fire on the drive back. We’re all set for you guys coming to get me, right?”
“Yep. Just text the address when you get it, and we’ll be on our way. Tell Ghost that Brian will call him in a few minutes when he gets out of the shower. We’re sending good thoughts for his grandmother.”
“I’m sure he’ll appreciate that. You guys are the best.”
“Thanks so much for going with him. Brian was so relieved to hear he wasn’t driving up there upset and alone. He really needs you right now.”
She opened her mouth to contradict that, certain that despite all her protesting to the contrary, he’d have been fine whether she was with him or not. But she let those words die in her throat, saying her good-byes to Candace and thanking the cashier instead.
Before they’d left his house earlier, he’d certainly held her like he needed her. She couldn’t think of that moment without her stomach clenching in equal parts fear and jubilation. If the last twelve hours with him had been such sexual and emotional insanity, what would life with him be like?
He breezed in the door just as she turned toward it. With his sunglasses pushed to the top of his head now, she could see the weariness setting in. The shadows under his eyes, the downturn of his mouth. She was ready to fall flat on her face too. But she injected as much brightness into her voice as she could. “I talked to Candace. She and Sam are coming. She said Brian will call you in a few minutes.”