Rose(85)

“There’s nothing destructive in you.”

“Yes, there is. The most deadly of all.”

“What?”

“My blood.”

“I don’t understand.”

“There’s bad blood in my family. It’s in all of us.”

If she hadn’t known he was deadly serious, she would have thought the alcohol had completely clouded his brain. A knock sounded at the door. Salty came with a pot of steaming coffee and two mugs.

“I thought you might want some.”

Rose shook her head. She waited impatiently for Salty to pour the coffee. She was anxious for George to sober up so she could understand what he was talking about.

Even though he hated coffee, George swallowed it down. It was probably too hot to taste. It must have burned his mouth and throat. Maybe he was too drunk to feel it.

“I’ll be next door if you need me,” Salty said, and he let himself out.

“What do you mean about bad blood?” Rose asked the minute the door was closed.

“I can’t give you children.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Just that. I can’t give you children.”

Did he mean he was physically incapable of being a father? Was he afraid she would stop loving him if he was?

“Explain it to me.”

For a moment she thought he would refuse. It was obviously something he didn’t want to share with anyone, even his wife.

“There’s bad blood in our family, and it’s getting worse with each generation. Pa was a rotten father, and he had seven rotten sons. I can’t give you children knowing the kind of father I’d make or the kind of sons I’d sire.”

“You mean—”

“Do you think I could knowingly put you through what my mother endured?”

Ghosts again. The past had a more powerful influence on George than the present.

George went on talking, but Rose didn’t listen any longer. She didn’t have to. She wasn’t afraid of ghosts. Nor George’s fears. She knew they were groundless. She could have laughed aloud with relief.

Only she didn’t. No matter how ridiculous she might think they were, they were very real to him. She couldn’t see the damage their parents had inflicted on him and his brothers or judge the severity of the scars. Neither could she measure his fear that he would do the same to his children, especially if they were to be as difficult as his brothers.

Though he might see every ugly attribute of his father in himself, she knew he’d make a perfectly wonderful father. Hadn’t she seen him be just that with his brothers?

It was up to her to help him feel the same way.

But she couldn’t change everything at once. She had to take it one step at a time.

“So you understand why I couldn’t come to your bed tonight,” George concluded.

Rose throttled her excitement. She had to be very calm. There was no room for error. There was always a chance that if he didn’t come to her bed tonight, he might never come. She must remove this barrier first. She would have to leave the ghosts for another night.

“I realize you don’t love me—there’s no need to feel guilty. You never said you did—but are you still certain you want to be married to me?”

George came out of his chair with a rush. He paused to grip the arm until he got his balance, but he reached her side rather quickly. He sank down on the bed next to Rose, took her hands in his, and looked into her eyes.

“More than anything I’ve wanted in my whole life. I tried not to marry you. I tried to keep from thinking about it, but I couldn’t. That’s why I kept drinking those toasts. I kept putting off coming back, telling you I’d done the one thing I couldn’t do.”

“Could you be happy with me if I agreed to have no children?”

“But you’ve always wanted a family.”

“Answer my question.”

Rose had made up her mind. She knew there would be times when she would bitterly regret this decision, but experience had taught her she couldn’t have everything. She had George’s affection, loyalty, and support. She felt certain that one day she would have his love as well. For that she would endure any sacrifice.

George was shocked to realize that not once during the whole evening had he considered leaving Rose. He couldn’t imagine being without her.

He wondered if his father might not have felt the same way when he met and married the young and beautiful Aurelia Juliette Gascoigne. He could remember when they seemed happy together.

He shivered. Could it happen to him?

“Yes.”

He meant it now.

Rose said, “There’s something else I want you to promise me.”

George felt the chill of iron fetters winding about him, binding him, restraining him, tying him down.