There were times when she wanted to hit him, to shake him until his back teeth rattled. Didn’t he ever think of her? Or of himself? She wasn’t sure he could think of himself without thinking of his brothers as well.
“I’m very fond of Zac,” Rose said, her voice unsteady. “I think he’s adorable, but I can’t come back just to be his mother. One of you will have to get married if you want that.”
“There’s no chance of that.”
“I know. The twins are too young, Jeff is too bitter, and you hate women. I’m sorry, George, but I can’t prop up your family. I tried, but I can’t anymore.”
“I don’t hate women.”
“You’re dead set against marriage, so it comes to the same thing.”
“I’m very fond of you. If it wasn’t that…If things were different…”
“Well, they aren’t. You’re saddled with your family and some terrible fear which gives you cold chills whenever you think of marriage.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m not stupid, George. You’re a perfectly normal man. You’ve got perfectly normal urges and desires. And don’t tell me you don’t want a wife and family. You’ll never be happy without one. You’ve talked yourself into thinking you aren’t fit for marriage, that you hate responsibility, but it’s all a lie. And don’t tell me again you wouldn’t have come home if it hadn’t been for Jeff. You haven’t listened to Jeff since I’ve been here.”
She had done it again, spoken out when she should have kept quiet. Only she had nothing to lose this time. It wouldn’t make any difference if George got mad enough to throw her out. She was leaving.
“You came to take care of your family because you wanted to. You stayed here because you liked it. You even took me under your wing. Now you’ve got Salty and you’re about to add more ex-Confederates. You’re a man who can’t live without dependents. They make you stronger.”
“You’re mistaken. I don’t know what gave you the idea that—”
“Tell yourself all those lies if you must, but I don’t want to hear them.”
“Well, this isn’t a lie. I don’t want you to leave. I came out here to ask you to reconsider.”
Rose felt as if the ground had given way under her feet. She had gotten her wrath stoked, her anger going full throttle, and then he tripped her up.
“Why do you want me to stay? Not because of Zac. Not anybody else. Just you.”
Rose almost wished she hadn’t asked. Maybe his only reason for coming had been his brothers. She didn’t think she could stand that.
“I like you,” George admitted reluctantly. “I think I always have. I admire your courage and energy—”
“I’ve had enough of admiration. Can’t you feel just one purely spontaneous emotion?”
“My admiration has deepened my liking for you,” George said, insisting upon his own words. “I’ve had too many lessons in the importance of courage to overlook it again.”
“Okay, you like my courage and my energy. Isn’t there anything you like about me?”
“But they are you. You wouldn’t be you without them.”
“Maybe I was wrong,” Rose said, frustrated. “Maybe you are completely unsuited to be a husband.”
“You want me to say I think you’re beautiful, that I think of you all the time, that I find myself reaching out just to touch you?”
“Yes!” The word was a sigh all the way from her soul, the fulfillment of a long-held wish, the period to the open-ended sentence of her love. “That’s what any woman wants to hear from the man she…”
“She what?” George asked.
“Finish what you were going to say,” Rose said. She couldn’t tell him she loved him. She wouldn’t.
“I’ve never done anything as difficult as keeping my distance from you. You can’t imagine the number of times I’ve wanted to touch you, wanted to…”
“Tell me,” Rose pleaded. “I never thought you had the least trouble staying away.”
George came a step closer. “You’re a beautiful woman, Rose. I don’t think I could live long enough to tell you everything that has passed through my mind since you’ve been here.”
“You haven’t told me anything.”
“I started to, but you told me it could never come to anything.”
“Forget what I said.”
George came closer still.
“I hardly know how to put my feelings into words. I’ve never met a woman like you. You don’t want me to speak of my admiration, but how can I begin to make you understand if I don’t? You don’t want me to speak of your courage or your energy, but they are just as much a part of you as your eyes or your lips.”