George forced his mind from those thoughts. He and Rose had crossed that bridge with their eyes open.
No, she didn’t. You never told her you didn’t love her. And you didn’t tell her until after you were married that you didn’t want any children.
But she knew I didn’t love her.
That doesn’t make any difference. Many people who don’t love each other have families.
George wanted to run away. The weight of shame over the way he’d treated Rose, his obligation to his family, the responsibility for the ranch were beginning to pile up on him.
He hadn’t come even close to solving the problem with Rose. His family, either. He didn’t know whether he was doing the right thing with the ranch. They could lose the entire herd on a drive to St. Louis. He wasn’t sure that any of them except Monty were cut out to be ranchers.
This must have been how his father had felt when things started to fall apart. George had never felt any sympathy for his father, only rage. Now he understood, and it scared him.
“My fertile time is over.” Rose said it casually as she put away the remains of the cake, as though her words were of no importance.
George froze in his tracks. His brothers had just left the room, Zac anxious to try out his chaps, Hen willing to teach him how to put them on. George had paused, searching for a way to tell Rose how much he appreciated what she had done. Some way that didn’t make it sound like he was thanking her for a job well done.
“I just wanted you to know, in case you felt you had to sleep out at the camp.”
It was an invitation. It was also the moment for him to decide what he was going to do about his marriage. A series of circumstances had allowed him to postpone making a decision. Now nothing stood in his way. He had to make some commitment to this woman or let her leave. He couldn’t keep her here forever, loving him but waiting and wondering.
He nodded his understanding.
He could see the disappointment in her eyes. He could see it in her face, too. Her expression froze. She looked like something beautiful but inanimate.
“Thanks for the birthday party,” he said, feeling on firmer ground. “But you shouldn’t have given me credit for the chaps.”
“I knew Zac would like them better coming from you.”
“I know, or I wouldn’t have let him thank me.”
He paused. How did you tell a woman who looked at you with love in her eyes that something she had just done was sweet? It would be almost insulting.
“I don’t know how you always seem to find just the right thing to do. I never can.”
“Maybe certain things come more naturally to a woman,” Rose said, a thin smile curving her lips. “You’re doing more than enough as it is.”
“Considering the way things are going at the camp, I don’t know. I certainly can’t get them to enjoy an evening as much as this.”
“It’s the things you do that make times like this possible,” Rose said, a warmer look coming into her eyes. “There’s much more to the success of a family than birthdays and presents.”
She was trying to tell him something, but he didn’t know what it was. But that wasn’t surprising. His family had never been happy. He had no experience of any times except unhappy ones.
“Maybe, but I don’t seem to know what they are. Maybe I should turn the family over to you. You’d do a much better job.”
He was feeling sorry for himself. No, he was still feeling guilty about forgetting Zac’s birthday. And frustrated that he was still dithering, like a foolish adolescent, about Rose.
“If you think I could get Monty to listen to anything I had to say on the subject of cows…” She left it hanging.
George smiled, and the tension inside him eased. “I guess I’d better stick around a little longer. And if I’m to do that, I’ve got to talk to the twins before they go to bed.”
He also had to have some time to think. Rose had clearly told him she wanted him to make love to her. He wanted it, too. He wanted it so badly he was surprised she didn’t see it in his face. But he had a couple of things to get straight in his own mind first.
He knew that tonight was crucial for both of them. He knew what he wanted to do, but he wanted to make sure he was doing it for the right reason. It was vital that he be sure.
Rose lay in the bed. Wide awake. Waiting.
Would he come?
He hadn’t said anything. He had just walked out.
They had reached a crisis point. At least she had. If she wasn’t important enough for George to come to her tonight, then she wasn’t important enough to be his wife. It hurt to say that, even in her thoughts. She had come too close to lose now.