I’d been the “brother,” the friend, and the guy who always looked out for her. I wanted her so fucking badly, but I knew me acting like that in front of her had confused the hell out of her.
At least I assumed it had. I didn’t want to give her whiplash.
If I just had the balls, I would have told her a long time ago that I loved her.
Tonight. I’d do it tonight after I came home from going out with the guys. Truth was I’d rather stay home with Meghan. But we all had some time off now. With Garrett having caught his girlfriend cheating, and beating the shit out of the guy who’d been plowing her, I knew Garrett needed his friends right now.
So, it was up to me and a few others to make him feel better. It was the least I could do as a friend.
But fuck, I wanted to stay home with Meghan. I wanted to just sit next to her, smell the sweet, floral aroma that always clung to her, and touch her because she was mine.
I grabbed my phone and sent her a text since these plans had just come up right now. I wanted her to know where I’d be and when I’d be back.
I probably won’t be home until late. Taking a friend out to drown his sorrows.
I saw three little dots show up on the screen and knew she was typing a reply.
Meghan: Sorry to hear your friend is upset. I won’t be home until later anyway because I’m studying for finals. Be safe.
I hated she’d be by herself.
You be safe, too. If you need me, call. I can be to you in an instant.
Even if we were carpooling to the bar, I would get to her right away if she needed me. I’d always get to her, because she was my priority.
Meghan
I went into my bedroom and shut the door, feeling exhausted. School was in the final stretch of the semester, I had finals coming up next week, and I was trying to pick up extra hours at my mediocre job. Even trying to pretend it didn’t bother me that my former roommate worked at the same place was tiring. But quitting because tension was clear when I saw her wasn’t an option. I needed the money, especially now.
It had only been days since I moved in with Brendan, and God, it felt good being under the same roof again.
I was trying to put extra money aside to help Brendan out financially, even if he was adamant I didn’t do that. Cooking him dinner was the least I could do to stay here, but I’d also started doing all the laundry and making sure the house was picked up. He wasn’t horrible in the domestic duties, but the fact remained he lived alone, and it was clear he wasn’t that concerned about keeping up appearances.
He was funny and a good guy, and the fact he was helping me without expecting anything in return showed me there were decent guys out there. Of course, I’d known this well before now, but being in this situation, just the two of us, really showed me what I could have.
I closed my eyes and leaned against the bedroom door. What I could have? I didn’t think Brendan saw me as anything more than what I was, but I also couldn’t deny the feeling I got when he looked at me. It certainly didn’t seem like a passing glance. I felt heat come from his stare, and just thinking about it all, about the innocent touch of our hands, and how that made me feel … how he’d acted afterward, had this hope blossoming in my chest that maybe he felt something more for me.
But reality, and the common sense side of me said to wake up, focus on getting a job and move out, because wanting something like that probably wasn’t in the cards for me.
I needed to get my head on straight, stop letting my emotions and desires rule me, and focus on working toward the end goal. I couldn’t stay here forever—even if that sounded pretty nice. Brendan might say I could stay here for however long I needed, and I believed him, knowing he meant it, but I didn’t want to overstay my welcome.
What if he brought a girl home, or wanted to but felt too weird because I was here? God, just thinking about him with someone twisted my stomach. Just thinking about seeing a girl walk through that door with him, knowing why she’d be there, had me sick. Jealousy was like a living entity in me, and I hated it.
But then again, this was my mind conjuring up this shit. He hadn’t so much as spoken to a girl on the phone, and even if he did, there was nothing I could get upset about. He didn’t know how I felt about him, and he didn’t owe me anything with regard to being celibate.
I closed my eyes and shook my head.
I pushed away from the door and walked over to the dresser, grabbed a change of clothes, and heard the front door open and close before I even turned. The sound of guys laughing loudly told me Brendan was home, and he’d clearly brought some friends with him. I went over to the bedroom door and opened it, hearing the tail end of some crude joke, followed by everyone laughing.