But it’s Brendan.
I exhaled. Yes, it was Brendan, and I knew he’d never look down on me, but still, this all felt so weird.
Over the last year, after our parents divorced, Brendan and I stayed in contact. Hell, we still lived in the same city, less than an hour from each other. But time, our schedules, and life made our time hanging out less and less. I hated that. I hated that, even after all this time, I hadn’t said anything to him about how I really felt.
I looked back at my car. It was packed full with my shit. I hated it had come to this. Moving in with my mom wasn’t an option seeing as she lived across the country now and my livelihood and schooling were here. With hardly any savings, and no time to look for a new place that I could remotely afford, this was my only option.
Brendan was my only option.
Be thankful Brendan helped you. He could have said no.
Yeah, he could have, but I knew he wouldn’t.
I loved him, and although he might not feel the same way about me, might care for me as a close friend would, I’d known I could count on him.
During all the years we’d lived together after our parents married, I’d seen many sides of Brendan.
Arrogance.
Aloofness.
Knowing he could get what he wanted because he was the epitome of what masculinity looked like.
The knowledge that he could get any girl he wanted had gotten under my skin, but it was my own fault, because I’d let fear hold me back from telling him how I felt.
I’d been too scared to say anything, afraid it would ruin the friendship we had. And it was that friendship I held most dear.
At twenty, I should have had my shit together more than I did, should have had the strength to admit what I wanted. I had never seen Brendan as family, not really.
I tightened my hold on my bags and took a deep breath before walking up to the front door. Before I could even set one of my bags down, the door opened and there stood Brendan, in all his gorgeous, six-foot-four, muscular, gorgeous glory.
I can control my baser urges.
I could think that all I wanted, but being under the same roof with him, alone, would really put my self-control to the test.
Brendan
I opened the door and tried to school my features, but the truth was I was fucking ecstatic to see her. She might have lived less than an hour from my place, but what she didn’t know was that I’d gone to see her at times. I could admit to being considered one of those creepy ass guys too obsessed with the woman he loved to stay away.
I’d been too fucking weak to just come right out and tell her I loved her this whole time.
Hell, I liked to think this was fate, or some shit, telling me I needed to get my life together and be with Meghan. I’d wasted enough time. She was twenty, I was twenty-two, and it was time I finally told her how I felt. I was at a good place in life to provide for her and to make sure she was happy.
You don’t even know if she wants to be happy with you in that capacity.
But first, she needed to get settled, get her head on straight, because I knew she was in a tough spot emotionally right now. I’d make it better for her. I’d make sure she was smiling before the night was done.
No other girl would ever compare to her.
What if she knew the truth? What if she knew that I haven’t been able to even think of another girl, let alone have sex with one since I fell in love with her? What would she think if she knew my ultimate goal was to keep her close to me … to make her mine?
She was hurting right now. The thought of not being the one to be there for her, and to pick her up when she was down, made me feel like shit.
I wanted to be the one for her always.
Is that your excuse for checking up on her, for driving to her school to make sure she was okay, that she seemed happy? Is that your excuse for pretty much fucking stalking her?
I wasn’t stalking her, or at least I told myself that. I was making sure she was okay. But fuck, admitting that to her felt so dirty, like I was this damn creep.
I just love her.
Said every fucking weirdo on the planet that watched the girl they loved.
God, I could have laughed at my own inner ramblings.
“Thank you again.”
I shook my head. “You know I’d do anything for you.”
This look of gratitude crossed Meghan’s face, and I knew tonight would most definitely be a drunk kind of one.
“I have a bottle of whiskey with our names on it.”
I cared about her like no other—whether she’d ever known that or would ever know it. Keeping my distance, not telling her how I felt, and pretending like she didn’t mean more than she really did, had been the worst mistake of my life.
But she was here now, and I was going to use this opportunity to show her I’d grown the hell up and could make her happy.