He’d just showered and smelled like aftershave. My body immediately reacted to the closeness of his legs to mine even though we weren’t touching.
I wished he were mine.
Where did that thought come from?
“What’s this crap you’re watching?”
“Some reality show. I can change it if you want.”
“No. I invaded your space.”
“I’m just glad you’re feeling better.”
“Me too.”
Throwing the controller at him, I said, “Seriously, take the remote.”
He handed it back to me. “Nah. I owe you. You put up with my shit when I was sick and whiny. The least I can do is sit through listening to these whiny bitches.”
“Well, if you really want to thank me for nursing you back to health, there is something else you can do.”
He lifted his brow curiously. “Alright…”
God, I just realized how that sounded.
“You can talk to me.”
“Talk?”
“Yes.”
He let out a deep sigh. “I really don’t want to open up an old can of worms. We both know what happened. It’s not gonna change anything.”
Not beyond begging, I looked into his eyes. “Please?”
He suddenly got up.
“Where are you going?”
“I need a drink for this,” he said, walking toward the kitchen.
“Can you get me one, too?” I hollered after him. My heartbeat began to accelerate in preparation. Was this really happening? Was he going to talk about what happened or just listen to me ramble?
He returned with a bottle of beer for himself and a glass of white wine for me. It surprised me that he knew exactly what I wanted, even though I hadn’t specified. It proved that he’d been observant even when pretending to ignore me.
He took a long sip then placed his beer on the coffee table. “We have to set some rules.”
“Alright.”
“Rule number one, if I say we’re done talking, we’re done talking.”
“Okay.”
“Rule number two…after tonight, we don’t talk about shit that happened in the past. This is it. One night only.”
“Okay. I can handle that.”
Grabbing the bottle again, he downed half of the beer before slamming it down on the table. “Alright. Go.”
Where would I begin?
I just needed to throw it all out there.
“There is no excuse for my leaving the way I did. I was young and stupid and scared. My biggest fear had always been getting hurt by you, because you were the one person I could count on besides Nana. When I found out you knew what was happening behind my back…I took it as betrayal. At the time, I didn’t realize that you were just trying to protect me.”
***
Nine Years Earlier
Mom was out per usual, so I would be sneaking out with Justin to go to the little red theater. This week, they were playing an Italian film called Si Vive Una Volta Sola that I had been wanting to see.
As he always did, Justin met me at the corner.
“We’d better hurry up,” he said. “We don’t want to miss the nine o’clock show.”
“We’re good on time. Relax.”
We started the walk to the bus stop when I realized I didn’t have my bus pass. It was inside of a hoodie that I knew I’d left inside Justin’s house when we were doing homework the other day.
“Shoot. We need to go inside your house. My bus pass is in the pocket of my jacket that I left in your dining room.”
He waved his hand dismissively. “I’ll just pay for you.”
“No, Justin. That’s stupid. We still have plenty of time.”
I started walking back toward his house.
He grabbed my arm. “Stop. I have it covered.”
“I’m going inside.”
An uncharacteristically panicked look flashed across his face. “We can’t.”
“Why?”
As was usual every other week, his mother, Carol, was on an out of town business trip. I couldn’t understand why he was so insistent that we not go inside his house.
He looked like he was struggling to come up with an excuse. His eyes moved from side to side, and my instinct just told me something was off.
“What are you keeping from me?”
“Nothing. We just can’t go in there right now.”
“I don’t understand. Your father’s car is outside. He’s home. Why can’t I just run in and get my jacket?”
“My father would get mad if he knew I was going out with you. I told him I was going out with Rob.”
“I don’t believe that. Your father knows we hang out. He’s cool with it.”
“Not at night.”
“You’re lying.”