Someone in the next stall tapped on the adjoining wall. "You don't have a tampon, do you?"
"Of course," Violet murmured, reaching for her purse hanging on the hook. She pulled out a tampon and passed it under the stall.
"Thanks," the woman on the other side said. "Kinda snuck up on me this month."
"I've had that happen," Violet said sympathetically, and froze. Her blood felt like ice. That was what she was missing.
Her period.
Violet's heart pounded in her veins, so loud that she couldn't even hear herself think. Emotion crashed through her. No period. Oh, God. With numb fingers, she searched through her purse, pulling out her birth control compact. She popped it open and examined it. Not a day missed. And she and Jonathan had used protection, every time.
But . . . she didn't have her period.
It's just stress, Violet told herself. Just stress. You're stressed with the whole Jonathan thing and that's why you can't sleep at night. It's throwing you off. You're not pregnant. You're not.
But after work, she still went to the pharmacy and bought a pregnancy test. In a daze, she drove back to her condo and let herself in. The pregnancy test was in her purse, waiting. All she had to do was pop it out of the package, pee on the stick, and she'd get results. Then she'd know if she was in the same situation that she had been ten years ago, or if she was just freaking out over nothing.
Instead of heading to the bathroom to end the torture of not knowing, though, Violet sat down on the couch and stared ahead, thinking.
She wasn't beside herself with terror this time. Maybe it was because she was no longer a college student; now, she had stability and years of living under her belt. Whatever happened, she could handle it now.
If she was pregnant . . .
She'd have to tell Jonathan. Strange how her heart leapt at the thought. They'd have a reason to be together other than pure animal lust. It would go against everything she'd been cautioning herself to avoid, but with a child, they'd have a reason to stay in each other's lives.
Her heart thrummed with excitement at the thought.
Maybe, just maybe, they could take it slow and raise the baby together, and learn each other. They could start fresh.
They could start over.
She shouldn't want to do that. It should be the last thing she wanted. But the thought of Jonathan at her side as they went to baby appointments, Jonathan touching her belly, Jonathan rocking their child back to sleep at night and then crawling back into bed with her . . .
God, she wanted that. She wanted that so badly it surprised even her. She'd broken off with Jonathan so she wouldn't get her heart hurt, but it seemed like her heart had already decided what it wanted, and it wanted Jonathan.
But she'd pushed him away.
Twisting her hands in her lap, Violet wondered what he'd think if she went to him and said she was pregnant. Would he be happy?
Or would he think she was messing with him? Her heart dropped at the thought. He was a rich, handsome man. He could have any woman he wanted. He'd wanted Violet but she'd pushed him away twice now. He'd probably given up on her at this point.
Thanks to her own actions, she was back in the same spot she'd been ten years ago-alone, troubled, and possibly pregnant. And this time, she couldn't blame anything on her father, because she'd been the one to do all the pushing away.
She couldn't blame anyone but herself.
Violet pressed her fingertips to her mouth, feeling ill. Why had she freaked out so much when he'd said that the last ten years didn't matter?
She hadn't even wanted to listen to his explanations. She'd heard Jonathan's careless words, judged him lacking in her mind, and gone straight home. Any relationship hope? She'd cut and severed it in one fell swoop. She just decided that he was the same jerk she'd always thought he was and shut him down before he could explain. That was what she'd always done-run off and stuck her head in the sand when things got rough. And she'd done it again.
Oh, God, she was really going to be sick.
Her doorbell rang.
One hand pressed to her mouth, Violet stood up and automatically headed for the door. Of all the times for one of her neighbors to ask to borrow something, now was not the time. That pregnancy test was burning in the back of her mind like a brand, and she couldn't stop thinking about Jonathan, and-
She opened the door and stared dumbly at the man on her doorstep.
Jonathan looked like hell. He hadn't shaved in a few days, and there were dark circles under his eyes. His dark hair was a tousled mess, and his jacket and the shirt underneath both looked as if they'd been slept in. While his normal look was casual, she was surprised to see him so rumpled.
Heck, she was surprised to see him at all.
"Jonathan," she said, since she couldn't think of anything else to say. "W-what are you doing here?"