Romance Impossible(36)

"Do I really have to spell it out for you?" Beckett stared at me in disbelief. "That's what jealousy looks like."

I snorted. "You and your conspiracy theories."

"I don't think you know what the word 'conspiracy' even means."

"Well, I know you're wrong. Why the hell would Jill be jealous of my friend? It's not like she..."

Slowly, I was beginning to second-guess myself. I set my beer down, carefully.

"Eh?" Beckett prodded, looking very pleased with himself. I ignored him, because now he was just being annoying on purpose - but he did have a point. Jill was behaving the same way my dates always did. Not that most of them ever met Barbara. But when they did...

Surely she wasn't jealous jealous. Not like that. But there was something about Barbara that just made other women's hackles go up. I wasn't sure why, exactly. Certainly she was beautiful. Certainly if I'd ever had a chance, if the stars had aligned, I would've jumped at the chance to put a ring on her finger. But it wasn't meant to be, so we were friends.

Jill's just used to having all of your attention in the kitchen. Barbara threw off the balance. That's all.

The alternative was too terrifying to contemplate.

"Do you think she'll be at work tomorrow?" Beckett asked.

I shrugged. Really, I had no idea. She didn't seem like the kind of person to just up and quit a job without saying anything, even if she was having some kind of nervous breakdown.#p#分页标题#e#

"You're going to have to figure out how to deal with her, if she does," he pointed out. "There's a power imbalance between you two, and it's not like you can just fix it. You're always going to be her boss, and she's always going to be intimidated by you."

"I know that," I said. "But that's no different than anyone else who's worked for me, is it?"

"Except it is." Beckett pointed at me with the neck of his beer. "It is different, isn't it? Why? I asked you a while ago, but you never came up with an answer."

I did know. But I didn't want to.

"It's just a strange dynamic between us," I said. "It always has been. From the first moment I saw her, I wanted to...I don't know...I wanted to do something for her. I felt like she deserved something better, and that I could give it to her."

Now that I'd stated it out loud, the truth was only becoming clearer. I dreaded what Beckett was going to say next.

"So, you finally got the chance," he said. "But it wasn't quite what you expected."

"She's not helpless," I said. "She doesn't really need me. Which is fine."

"Is it?" Beckett cut in.

"It's fine," I insisted. "I can't stand people who refuse to help themselves. I appreciate that she's much more self-driven and independent than I expected. She worked wonders with Aiden. I like all that about her."

"But she wasn't how you expected her to be," he said. "And maybe - you weren't what she expected, either."

I considered this for a moment. It was possible. When I dealt with her, I was over-compensating. The thing was, I didn't know how to be both diplomatic and genuine. Whenever I tried to be nice about something, I came across like a patronizing asshole. There was simply no way around it.

No wonder she hated it. But I just couldn't treat her in the typical way. Something about being in her presence just took all the wind out of my sails, and I found myself without the energy or the inclination to sling arrows.

"I think you're right," I said. "She expected something, and it wasn't what she wanted, but at least it was the devil she knew."

"There you go." Beckett tilted his beer in my direction again, this time as a sort of salute. "So you've got this power imbalance, and neither one of you knows how to deal with each other - you feel like you can't speak freely to her, and she knows she can't speak freely to you. So what can you do about it?"

I considered this for a long while.

"I'm going to give her a chance to take a shot," I said. "That's the only solution, isn't it?"

Beckett just looked at me. "I'm afraid to ask what you mean."





CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Concasse





Distinct from other types of chopping or mincing, a concasse is roughly chopped in large pieces. And sometimes, roughness is exactly what's called for.





- Excerpted from Dylan: A Lifetime of Recipes





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Jill





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I almost didn't show up to work the next day.

Honestly, I expected to get a call from Lydia, or a pink slip delivered to my door. But I didn't hear anything, so I assumed I still had a job, and my work ethic wouldn't let me blow it off. As badly as I wanted to, I just couldn't.