“Sod off and get back to bloody work, you sly bugger.”
He laughs as he’s leaving, the sound rivalled only by my own chuckles as I scratch my head and start thinking of what I’d done to bring me to this point since the moment I’d divorced my ex-wife to come and find my Ashley.
With the memories comes the familiar ache that seems to flood my lungs with pain, but for once I push past it and allow the feelings in, shoving at my natural need to avoid as I close my eyes and remember the first time I laid eyes on her.
The first time I fell in love.
Chapter Twenty Three
“Cammy called and told me that Brody asked her out on a date.”
I’m saying this as I spread that expensive moisturizer all over my arms, legs, and face as Lucian reclines on the bed, his gaze distant, as if he’s far away and lost in thought.
When he doesn’t respond to that little tidbit I frown and crawl onto the mattress, getting closer and watching his eyes for long seconds. This is so unlike the usually hawk-eyed stare I’m usually squirming beneath that I actually check his chest to make sure he’s still breathing.
Yup.
“Uh, Luc, are you okay?”
My voice seems to snap him out of it, and he looks back at me, smiling in a way I’ve never seen before. Like maybe he likes me a little more than he did when we met again.
Go Goldens!
If this plan of theirs works, it looks like I may not be the only pathetic, lovesick loser in this relationship.
“Lucian, are you feeling okay?” I ask, resting on my haunches beside his hip. “You look a little out of it.”
“I’m fine, love, just had a really long day,” he murmurs, pulling me down onto his chest.
I sigh and rest my head beneath his chin, softly stroking his smooth skin as I wait for him to elaborate. Sometimes he’s the most closed off person I’ve ever met, and at others—with Ben—he’s the nicest, most affectionate dictator.
I wish he’d let me in more and share his troubles, maybe give me a chance to return the comfort he’d offered after I’d crawled through those dark woods…
“Benjamin has a match tomorrow, and I’ve got a late meeting I can’t reschedule,” he finally says, changing the subject.
“He’ll understand, Lucian. He’s not a baby.”
I hope. As far as I can tell Ben seems to think Luc hangs the moon and stars. The kid sees Luc as his father or something, even if he still thinks of me as his insufferable older sister and still won’t let me hug him, no matter how patient I’ve been on that score.
“I’m going, so that should be okay for him.”
His eyes and the curl of his lip tell me exactly how great my little bro will feel about a pesky girl attending his soccer match.
“No offense, love, but what you know about football is completely tragic, and the lad knows it. I feel terrible about this.”
Yeah, well, not as terrible as feeling like the dreaded third wheel on this tandem bike the two of them have going. Geez, you’d think I’m nothing more than the hired help for all the attention they pay me when they start talking sports.
Men.
“Are you sure that’s all?”
I dunno, but he seems really out of sorts tonight. Oh shit.
“Is this about those toys that we were looking at? Because I swear, those things are so not my speed. We mostly joked and laughed about how women would walk after using them a time or two, and Cammy was telling us about—”
“Oh, Christ, please do not use my sister’s name in a sentence that involves sexual aids. I don’t think I’ll survive that shite,” he grunts, inching my lips together between his thumb and index finger.
The look on his face makes me bust my gut, and I flop back down onto his chest with a groan, feeling the day crash around me.
“You tired, love?”
“Hmm, I made some cookies for the old lady that comes to the tea room every day and helped her walk her dogs home. Those things are not dogs: they’re freaking horses.”
What I don’t say is that I’m getting listless having to keep myself bottled up whenever I’m around him. Honestly, I’ve lived for three years without needing to tell anyone but Ben that I love them, and now all of a sudden I can’t hardly stand to be around him for fear of letting those three soul-sucking words out of my mouth.
I’d had to bite my lip bloody at dinner. It had gone something like this: ‘Here’s your food, Lucian. I love you.’ I’d maimed myself trying to keep that last part in, because honestly, who is so desperate that they tell someone they love them over roast beef and garlic potatoes?
Me, apparently, since it had been so close I’d caught Ben giving me one of his skeptical looks as I’d shoveled food into my mouth and kept it full for the duration of our meal.