But the anger, that ever present sickness that had taken hold of me and refused to let go had still been too great for y common sense to override, so I’d done the unforgivable and let that bitch insult my woman before taking her skinny arse up to my room and closing the door.
That had been cruel and calculated, letting my baby think that I would ever soil her bed with another woman’s cheap perfume and sallow skin. She’d left straight after of course and I’d watched from the window as she’s shoved herself into her car and left, my security team following from a safe distance as she ran away to lick the wounds I’d purposefully inflicted.
I’d tossed the vapid woman I’d picked up in a bar out on her arse-after calling a taxi of course, I am not an animal-and then I’d basked in my victory.
For all of two seconds.
After a quick shower to scrub the disgust from my skin I’d padded downstairs and walked into hell. Pure hell. My very pregnant, fragile imp had obviously gone to a lot of trouble cooking traditional fish and chips-something I’d complained about missing-and a homemade tiramisu that had most likely taken her hours to make from scratch.
And then I’d seen the envelope sitting beside one of the plates and I’d lost my smarmy smirk. Fast. I still have that bloody heart wrenching letter though I’ve read it so many times I can recite it off by heart. All three gut wrenching pages.
In those three sheets of velum I’d learned everything I could ever hope to know about my girl. She loves me, really, really loves me. She wants not only a family, but she loves my brothers with an all-consuming pride that I will never find in another.
And then I’d learned that while she takes full blame for every shitty thing she did, she had done it all because deep down it’s not that she doesn’t trust me, it’s that she doesn’t feel good enough to hold the attention of a man like me.
She’d begged me to give her another chance and sworn to do better. She’d asked for just a little faith and promised me the love and devotion she knew I deserved.
I’d read that letter and felt my world shatter and fall at my feet because I knew that any chance I’d had at happiness was now well and truly gone. I’d shot myself in the foot and added some vinegar in the form of the type of woman I knew made my perfect girl feel insecure and unattractive.
I’d tried calling for a solid week and even roped her father into helping me-after a very long talk and a black eye from Grey and Logan-and I’d shown up at the house three times before finally giving up after I’d watched my imp trying to sneak to through a side gate.
Now I’m not one to give up and I’m arrogant enough to say that I’m made of sterner stuff than a fragile woman like my imp, but after watching her become so desperate to escape me that she’d willingly squeeze her massive tummy through a gate, while crawling behind a car I’d retreated and regrouped.
Only nothing I do is working.
She’d even barred me from the delivery room and made me stand outside her door while her screams of pain and grunts ripped me to shreds.
That had hurt, a lot but it was nothing I didn’t deserve and I bloody well know it. I’d seen the end result though and to say that the sight of my daughter only made me love imp more…
“Could you please stop watching that video?” Davy asks after a long silence, bringing me back to the present. “I know you’re torturing yourself with all the gory splendour that was your daughter’s birth but I can’t sleep at night after hearing that shite in surround sound. It gives me the bleeding willies.”
I grin and shake my head because I know that tonight just like every other night since she’d been born I will watch that video if only to see my girl in all her bloody glory as she screamed, yelled, cursed and threatened all and sundry with bodily harm as she pushed Immie into the world.
Never again will I take for granted the gift that is a woman bearing a child for a man. It’s bloody hard and excruciating and so beautiful that no matter how sick it is, I can’t stop from wanting to see that miracle.
Plus it’s the only way I get to see my girl at night so I’ll take what I can get and be happy for it.
“Put your headphones on and leave me alone wanker. It’s beautiful.”
“Ah no, it ain’t and you know it. Look, just go over to hun’s and lay it all out for her. Tell her you are a bleeding sorry excuse for a man and that you’re sorry for everything. Tell her you love her. Tell her something because I am about a second away from losing my shit and forcing you two stubborn gits to grow up and let it go.”
“I tried at your practice. She wouldn’t listen. I’m afraid if I push t she’ll stop coming around us altogether and I-”