Because GiGi, Gia to be accurate is the tall, leggy, totally sexy, smoking hot, have I mentioned how hot this bitch is?, blonde that Dev had loved enough to put a ring on.
They’d been engaged for a few months and halfway to the altar when Dev and her had called it all off and gone their separate ways. This hurts, a lot because she’s the chick he’d wanted to marry while I’m the lard ass he feels he has to marry thanks to a lack of brain cells and condoms eight months ago.
“Hun-”
“Er, thanks for telling me and no I am not about to have a nervous breakdown or anything so you can quit looking at me like I’m about to blow. Just, don’t tell him you told me or things could get awkward.” I plead, jumping when the front door slams and the man of the hour walks in, bending to lay a fat smooch on my parted lips.
“Hey imp.”
So nonchalant and carefree, as if he hasn’t just ripped my heart out and put it under his tyre. I should have really gone to see mama and dad when they’d called a few weeks back. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel like such an idiot for choosing a guy I can’t ever really have, not fully anyway.
“Hey.”
Maybe plan B isn’t such a bad idea after all, I think, slurping at the chicken soup I don’t want and pretending I don’t care while inside I am a raging mass of hurt anger and foolishness. Yeah, I’ll call Dillon tomorrow and see what he thinks of this whole situation.
***
“Ask him.”
“That’s it? Just outright ask him if he’s nailing his ex and me at the same time?”
I snort when Dillon nods and pick at the potato chips he forced on me the minute I walked in the door an hour ago.
“No. That would be like saying I care if he’s nailing her and then-”
“And then your pride would be hurt and you’d be in exactly the same place you’re in now only this time things will be honest and clear and you won’t be in limbo about what your relationship is Beck.” He points out reasonably, laying a palm over my belly.
“But-”
“Look. You took the pride route and made things so murky between you that I don’t think you now up from down when it comes do him. You should never have made him think you’re only in it for the sex. It’s cheap and demeaning and it lessens the role you have in his life as the mother of his child.”
Well damn.
“I just wanted to keep a little power in the-”
“Yup. Classic love tactics Beck. I don’t know if he loves me and I’m afraid to say it out loud, even to myself, so I’ll give him what he wants and hope he gets there quick and puts me out of my misery by professing his undying love. And then we live happily ever after.”
Dammit.
“Newsflash babydoll, unless a guy is born with a million times more oestrogen than his balls can handle he ain’t saying squat first. That’s the chick’s thing. If you’re giving a guy the goods and keeping level, not saying a word, he’s gonna figure you’re okay with the status quo and assume things will be fine.”
“So it’s my job to do all the emotional heavy lifting?” I screech, springing to my feet-it’s more of a groaning heave that I can’t fully complete without Dillon’s help, but I want it to be a graceful movement so that’s what I’m calling it-and glare down at his golden head.
“Naw Beck, you’re misunderstanding me babe. All’s I’m saying is that if you give a man the idea that you’re tight with being a fuck buddy and a‘Friend’ he’ll see that as an easy out. If you want more you’re gonna have to tell him.”
“But I did.” I say, blushing profusely.
Yeah, I’d let that one slip too and told him about being so afraid that Devon had heard my screamedavowals of love. Mortifying but who else can I say these things to? Lila would call Devon up and start blasting him for not reciprocating and the rest, well I want Devon to have full use of his legs so I wouldn’t dare tell Lo or Grey.
“Doesn’t count sweetpea. I love you during sex is like saying ‘oh yeah, harder’.”
Crumpets!
“So…”
“So go home, sit down with your guy and give him the scoop. Be totally, brutally honest about your feelings and expectations and then, if, and only if he doesn’t reciprocate you come on home to me and we’ll get you a baby daddy. Capisce?”
Chapter Twenty Three
My palms are sweating, like profusely as I make my way to the front door and into the quiet house. It’s only two in the afternoon so the boys are at school, Garret has officially started college and has elected to rent an apartment off campus ‘to experience the culture-I know college kid code and I know he’s just looking for a place to take and make tail.