Not after a grandchild is mentioned.
Fuck.
“I have some calls to make Grey.”
“Alright man. Tell scamp I love her will ya and I want that footage of Davy’s first football game. Lila says the kid’s making waves and some college scouts are paying attention.”
“Yeah, he’s astonishingly good at the sport for someone who hates the mere mention of the name football. The tackles he took playing rugby have served him well and he says playing with pads is like-”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, rugby for five year olds, I got that the first time he said it and every time after too. Tell that kid of yours that football is a national pastime here and that badmouthing it while playing like a pro will get his ass kicked.”
I ring off with his laughter and ribbing still ringing in my ears and sit back in my chair, listening to the off key wailing that is imp’s singing as she does whatever the heck it is she does in that crafting room of hers.
I’d set the place up as a way for her to pass time but she’s so into her ‘job’ that I don’t see her all day unless I catch her waddling around in the kitchen or watching her ‘shows’, most of which consist of reality television and some American show about nerdy men and a hot blonde Davy keeps ogling.
The door bursts open and in waltzes my imp, her hips swaying with every step and not to mention what her breasts are doing the way they’ve grown.
“Are we going to the game tonight? Lila says Davy’s starting and I want photos and there are these corndog things that are deeelicious that I want to get and-”
“Garret and I are going but they forecast rain so you’re staying home with Ryan.”
“What? No. I am so going. I promised Dayday and I don’t break promises. Ever.”
Interesting but beside the point right now. No way in hades is my woman, my very pregnant woman sitting in the bleachers with the threat of rain hanging over her head.
Not happening.
***
“This is so freaking cool! Do you want a bite?”
“No.”
Okay so I’m sulking. Badly. Who can blame a guy? After I’d steadfastly refused to let her come with and left with Garret we’d walked into the school and searched for a good spot only to see a grinning Ryan shovelling corndogs at my little pig while she fiddled with an umbrella and kept her eyes peeled for her ‘Dayday’.
What man in his right mind enjoys being outsmarted by a minuscule woman and an almost seventeen year old boy with more dick than brains? Not me.
“Oh come on! Taste it. It’s freaking delicious.”
“You said that already imp. A few hundred times.”
“Because it’s true! This is like pig meat at its best. And they gave me spring onion flavoured sauce to go with it and the guy liked me so he got me a side order of onion rings.”
“Lovely. I get to kiss all that aroma at the end of the night.”
“You don’t wanna kiss my aroma?”
Oh shit, is she…?
“Don’t cry imp, I was jesting, truly I was. Here see? Hhmm, delicious just as you said.”
I swallow around the revolting, congealed mass and smile sickly, thanking my lucky stars when her misty eyes lighten and she grins, her teeth sporting a few bits of something I really don’t want to inspect right now.
“Oh look! Run Day, tackle his fat ass. Break him. That’s the way you sexy beast!”
I’m not sure I’m on board with her calling the lad such complimentary names but I’m saved from a jealous growl when my lad performs a bone jarring tackle that lays a behemoth of a boy flat on his arse and the-I don’t know what they call that position-but the bloke catches the ball and plants it with a howl, everyone in the bleachers going wild, including my pregnant girl.
“That’s it, stomp that asshole into the ground!”
“Hey, that’s my kid you fat bitch!”
Imp turns, her belly shoving into my head and face and shakes her fist at a larger woman up and to her left.
“Oh yeah? Well your little girl just got flattened by my boy so suck it sistah!” she yells. “That’s what you call justice since your tutu wearing ballerina’s been targeting my baby all night.”
“You fat cow! My boy’s gonna crush him.”
“Oh yeah-”
I turn a look on the overzealous woman and hold eye contact long enough that she quiets down and gulps, getting the message so well she scuttles to the stairs and starts searching for a seat in the other section.
Imp meanwhile is trying to bite the hand I have clamped over her mouth while doing an admirable job of rubbing her large breasts all over my chest.
“I’ll take it away when you calm down.” I hiss, kissing her nose to take away some of the sting of my tone. When she quiets I release her and set her on my lap, just in case she gets any bright ideas.