Now, Mama is my kind of woman because the minute I filled her in, she jumped on that bandwagon and even helped me out by suggesting an event that will likely blow the top right off poor Roman’s head like a freaking firecracker.
That’s right, I’m not only baiting these assholes right in, I’m going for the whole enchilada and giving them an opportunity they can’t help but notice.
“Oh, Mel honey, you’re such a gem in that gown. Please tell me you’ll wear this one when the time is right,” Mama begs.
My aim here is to wear something that no one will miss, and I think I’ve achieved that with the ballgown wedding dress leaded with more Swarovski crystals than a woman should have to carry around on her frame.
The dress is magnificent, though, and I can so see myself marrying my Roman in this thing. After I catch my prey, of course.
“I will, Mama, I swear. Now stop crying, for Pete’s sake, and let’s go over the last-minute prep. I don’t want anything going wrong tomorrow night, and I’d hate for poor Pop to get into hot water with the boys because he’s helping us.”
“Hmm well, let’s see. Tracy has the security handled with all those ex-FBI buddies she flew in, and Ellie’s got the caterers and flowers locked down. Clari, where are we on the invitation issue?”
At that, Clari starts smiling and I see the devious glee written all over her face.
“My friend Prissy is at the hair salon with Crow-Face Conrad and she’s going to “forget” her purse with the invitation on the chair beside Lynn’s. If all goes well, she should nab it before Prissy goes back for her purse.”
“Now you’re sure this will work?” I ask, feeling my whole future hinging on this one integral part of our plan.
“Sweetie, Prissy is a Broadway star and one of the best actresses you’ll ever meet. She’ll reel that bitch in like a dead fish, don’t you worry. I put that tracker Bronx gave us on the invite, and Ronny had her girl Maybelle following them. It’s all taken care of. All we have to do is sit back and wait,” she says, accepting everyone’s praise with a smile that makes my nipples try to invert.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how a civilized, logical female does her part to keep her man alive.
We’ve planned the event of the century and coaxed Lynn our way with a masquerade ball rumored to celebrate the end of a long-trying family feud and all the recent marriages that have taken place.
Little Josh and Al are being spirited away by Bronx and Ronny for some “parenting practice,” Bronx says, while Ronny just rolls her eyes and makes as if she’s locking up her vagina.
Everything is planned and on schedule. Now all I have to do is hope and pray that it works, because according to Tracy, the boys may just be planning to shoot them both on the street and plead duress if things don’t happen very soon.
Apparently Case is some sort of super assassin or something, and none of them are okay with him hanging around without having eyes on him.
I agree and feel for poor Ellie, since the woman is about to come face to face with the crazy slag who tried to kill her not too long ago.
Mama was almost distraught when she heard one of her boys was a murdering, no-good traitor, and I had to stop her from searching them out herself when I glimpsed her loading the twenty-two that Pop makes her carry around at all times.
“They are going to be so cheesed when they realize it’s a masked ball and they won’t see them right off the bat,” Paulie mutters, eyeing my ginger ale with a frown that Mama takes note of with way too much glee.
“They’ll get over it. We’ve been sitting around here for months, just waiting for things to be over. At the rate they’re going, Paulie will be showing before it’s done.”
Mama’s words shock us all before we all start squealing and crying with excitement. Paulie’s face is priceless, and I feel pity for her when she turns to Mama and shrugs.
“You’re so nosy, Mama.”
“Oh pooh! Like I didn’t know two weeks ago when Jared started strutting around like the cock of the walk! Shame on y’all for trying to keep your poor mama in the dark.”
And that’s how the men find us, all laughing like loons while Tracy and Clari tell some of the most terrible sex jokes I’ve ever heard.
“You ladies just about done plotting the destruction of the world? We need to eat, women,” Miah growls, grabbing his very pregnant wife up and into his arms.
The rest follow and I’m grinning by the time Roman and I are alone and he just stands there staring at me with a tender look.
“You look stunning, baby girl,” he breathes and I grin cheekily, twirling in a circle as he comes closer.