Mama is always so bubbly and giddy about the smallest of things, and where once it irritated my darker side, I’m worried when her smile drops so quickly.
“I have some news, honey, and I don’t want you to get upset, so I’ll tell you right off that it’s not all bad, okay?”
Please, oh please let everyone be okay, I plead to the heavens, knowing that another death so soon after seeing Daddy’s office and hearing what happened to him will break me.
“Now you know…shit, why do I always have to be the one who gives news? I swear George always leaves this stuff to me.” She sighs before taking another breath and facing me, her hand squeezing mine. “Yesterday morning they…started beating Roman. Don’t start crying, I told you it wasn’t all bad. They hurt him badly, and he’s not in the best of shape, but the boys got him to the hospital on time and the surgeons managed to repair the puncture in his left lung.”
“He…he’s okay, though?” I croak through the bile racing up my throat.
“Yes. He’s got a few broken bones and he’s in a lot of pain at the moment, but the doctors have agreed to let him come home if we hire a doctor and full-time nurse till he’s at least able to sit up by himself.”
The news is hard to take. I’m horrified that he’s so injured he can’t sit up without aid, but I am relieved that he’s alive and finally free of the monumental task he undertook.
“Does that mean it’s all over now, Mama? Did he finish this?”
“Oh honey.”
Her sigh answers for her, and suddenly I feel regret. For him, for that damnable code he seems to live by, and mostly for the fact that I know it will plague him to know he never completed his mission.
“He…”
“He called Miah last night and gave up the location when he realized he would die if he didn’t get out,” she says after a moment spent in silence.
“Dammit, he’s so Goddamned stubborn,” I hiss, sitting up with a curse. “I told him this would happen and I begged him to get out. I begged him! And he still chose his damned honor over me.”
“Oh, Mel, I know and you’d better believe I’ll give him a good talking to when he’s healthy again, but you have to understand that he’s just so…he has a lot more driving him than honor and duty, honey. There’s so much about his past that you need to know to fully understand a man like my Roman.”
I know that. I have always known that, but the man would never give me the chance to know more. He’d spend hours after we made love asking me everything under the sun, and yet my questions always went unanswered.
Most times when I would ask him about why he grew up with Judith and George and not his real parents, he’d clam up and try to distract me by making love to me till I was too boneless to form a coherent thought.
“I need to shower.”
“Honey, don’t be upset, please. It isn’t good for you and the baby. Stay in bed for a little longer and wait for the doctor to check you out again.”
“No. I need to get up and get my life organized. I have a job and a house to pack up and…oh! Uncle Jim. I forgot all about him,” I groan, leaping up with a start.
“Pop already picked him up and he and the boys are all at the hospital right now. Just—”
“I can’t just lay here all day. I need…I need to do something,” I whisper.
This is me. When I’m upset or stressed I get to work. It’s something that’s saved me time and time again and I need it right now. I need to do something, lose myself in something, or the anger and grief trying to claw its way up will strangle me.
She finally sighs and helps me up, shaking her head and giving me a narrow-eyed glance.
“You’re not going back to that house where your daddy died and that’s final. I’ll have some people go on over and pack everything up and clean it out nicely. You just make a list of the things you want to keep and I’ll have the rest put into storage. As for where you think you’re going, I won’t let you leave the property, so get that right out of your head.”
Shoot. And here I thought I could run to Will and Lon to lick my wounds.
“Mama, I’m going to be honest here. I am beyond overjoyed that Roman is safe and he’s going to be okay. He’s the father of my child and I love him. But I’m done pinning my hopes on him. He’s a great guy, but he sucks as a boyfriend.”
“Oh, Mel. Look, I know that things will be awkward and I understand that your first instinct is to leave, but the boy just survived a beating and almost got the job done. At least go and see him when he gets home.”