ISBN-10: 1496018338
"Frannie, wait up!" I yelled and ran after the small girl in front of me. She never listened, always wanting to make her own way, to see everything.
"Hurry, Becca; we're almost there." Her smile was infectious.
Just ahead, I could hear the water boiling; the sound of the waterfall was deafening. "Hey, be careful," I told her. "It's steep on this side of the river."
She didn't listen, just kept running. "This is amazing; the water is making rainbows." She turned back to wave me forward. I saw her slip and heard her shriek of terror as she tumbled off the side of the rocks into the rushing water.
"Frannie!" I sprinted to where she had fallen. There was nothing left of her, no trace. The water had taken her away.
I jolted awake, my nightgown clinging to my sweaty skin. The dreams were all different, but also the same. Frannie was gone before I could save her. Just like in real life. I couldn't save her, and I was doomed never to get over it.
College would be different. I would be different. No one knew the person I was at home; I could be anyone I wanted.
I crept into my brother, Chad's room. It was early, but I figured it would be easier to leave now than to deal with my mom. "Chad, wake up," I whispered.
"Becca?" He rubbed at his eyes and sat up.
"I'm leaving now. It's easier this way."
He nodded. "When will you be back again?"
Not for the first time, I considered staying. The guilt of leaving him was going to kill me. "I'll come home for Christmas. Then you and I can go somewhere fun, just the two of us." I clutched him to my chest tightly.
"I'm going to miss you." He smiled sadly at me.
"Back at you, kid. I don't know how I'm going to get along without you." I wiped at the tears streaming down my cheeks.
"You'll be too busy to miss me." He tried to sound nonchalant. It didn't work; I could hear the tremor in his voice.
"I'll never be too busy for you. Call me anytime, and I'll be there. Just remember, it's only a few more years, and then you can come with me."
He helped me load my bags into the beater car I'd bought a few weeks earlier.
"See you when I see you." He hugged me.
"Love you more than anything, Chad." I kissed his cheeks and got into the car before I lost my nerve. I watched him in the rearview mirror until he disappeared behind the trees. This was the beginning of my new life. Anything was possible.
They say time heals all wounds. I'm not sure I believe that. I think some wounds go too deep, and they fester. No matter what you do, they mark you, scar you. Some things just won't go away, no matter how far you run.
Here it was, the first day of the rest of my life. I had never traveled outside of my small town, now here I was in Rhode Island going to Brown University. I was scared out of my mind that this was going to be a train wreck. I've never been what you would call good with people. I stood on the outside of my dorm room, staring at the drab red color. Was I supposed to knock? Should I just go in? I wasn't sure of the protocol. Finally, I put on my brave face and turned the knob; thank goodness it opened.
A pretty girl with jet black hair and green eyes stared back at me as I crossed into the room. "Hiya, you must be my roomie. I'm Sadie; nice to meet ya." She hugged me, which took me by surprise. I don't generally like to be touched, but hey this was the new me, right?
"Yeah, I guess that's me. I'm Becca." I took a step back and dropped my bags on the carpeted floor. My hands came up to twirl my long auburn hair around my finger; it was one of those nervous habits you never know you're doing.
"Which bed do you want?" She gestured to the beds in the adjoining room.
"I'm not picky; you take what you want and I'll be fine." I picked up my bags again and wandered into the bedroom. It was decently sized for a dorm room, with a desk and bed for both of us and a closet and two dressers. Everything was done in various shades of beige, very bland.
"So, Becca, where are you from? I'm from California. This is so crazy for me. I've never been on the East Coast." She talked a mile a minute.
"I'm from Washington," I replied, and I prayed that she would leave it at that.
"Ooooh, so it rains a lot there, huh?" She stretched out on the bed closest to the window.
"Yeah, we got a lot of rain," I murmured and set about unpacking my bags.
Sadie sat on her bed and watched me unpack; I swear I could hear her brain working. "So, what classes are you taking?" She was clearly trying to break the ice, and I knew I should let her.
"I'm taking general ed, I think, with a journalism class added in." I took out my pointe shoes and leotards and set them on top of my dresser. I felt better; just holding them in my hands soothed my nerves.
"Cool, is that what you want to major in then?"
"Not sure yet. I think so. What about you?" I sat on the bed opposite her and fiddled with my auburn hair, trying not to be nervous. This is what normal people did; they talked with other people about their lives. I was normal now.
"I'm not sure what I want to major in. I mean it's silly to expect someone our age to know what they want to do for the rest of their lives, isn't it? I'm going to take general ed, and a biology class. I'm leaning towards medicine, but I really don't know." Her green eyes were animated as she spoke.
This was someone who wanted to know me, wanted to be my friend. It was sad that this was such a foreign concept to me. No one in my high school would give me the time of day. The only person who had told me I was special was my dance teacher. She had spent a lot of extra time with me, helping me hone my skills.
Everyone knew about me and my family. I was branded the second my dad did what he did, and that was the end of it. People thought I was crazy, so I was. People thought I was a druggie or a slut, so in their minds, that's exactly what I was. I guess it was partly my fault, though; I never bothered to correct them.
"There's a party on our floor tonight; want to go?" Sadie smiled at me expectantly.
"Um, sure, that sounds fun." I tried to make my voice sound more confident.
Sadie spent the next hour telling me everything there was to know about her. I now knew all about the small town she was from in Northern California, and about her two brothers, and her parents. Also, how sad she was to leave her best friend, Cami, to come to school. She showed me picture after picture of everything and everyone important to her.
"Don't worry, there won't be a quiz after this." She winked at me. In that moment, I knew we would be friends.
We wandered around campus together for a while, trying to see where all of our classes were. I was also trying to scope out a place to dance. I wasn't at all sure they had a studio here, so I would have to make do with what I could find.
"Okay, what's next?" Sadie looked at her list of classes and held up a map of the campus.
"Please tell me you aren't going to use that when school actually starts."
"Why wouldn't I? I don't want to get lost. Look, those guys have one out, too." She pointed to a group of guys all huddled around a map just like the one Sadie had.
"I see your point." I laughed. "Do they have a dance studio?" I peered over the map.
"Oh, so now it's not such a terrible thing to have the map, is it?" She giggled and searched the tiny buildings. "There." She jabbed her finger on the paper. "Come on, it's this way." She grabbed my hand and dragged me along with her.
The studio was beautiful, all gleaming hard wood and mirrors. I sighed as I walked around the room, imagining myself dancing.
"How long have you been a dancer?" Sadie asked, leaning against the doorjamb.
I tensed, not wanting to share that part of myself yet. "A while."
She narrowed her eyes, but didn't ask more. I wanted to stay, but I let Sadie lead me out a few minutes later.
We walked for a while longer before going back to our room. I was exhausted and I wanted a nap before we went to the party.
"Do you mind if I grab a quick nap? I'm dead on my feet from the past couple of days."
"Sure, you go ahead. I'm going to decorate the common room." She smiled and left me to myself. We shared the common room with another two girls, who would be our suitemates, but we hadn't met them yet.
As if on cue there was a loud banging noise at the door and a tall blonde walked into the room laden with bags, followed by an older couple I assumed were her parents. Looked like my nap would have to wait.
"Hi," she said, her cheeks flushing.
"I'm Sadie, and this is Becca." Sadie bounced with excitement.
"I'm Layla." She smiled shyly. "Which room am I in?"
Sadie pointed to the other door. "You're in that one. We haven't met your roomie yet."