"She has a fuckin' funny way of showing it. Enough. I'll figure it out." He rose to his feet. "I'll be back." He left the room and ambled downstairs.
When he went into the bedroom, Clotille was sitting on the overstuffed chair. "Hi, Rock. I'm so glad to see you."
"Hey." He went to the closet, took out a small duffel bag, and began stuffing it with his clothes.
"What're you doing?"
"Packing."
"Are you going back to Colorado with the others?"
"Yeah."
"When are you going?" Her voice hitched.
"In a couple days. I'm going to stay at the Devil's Legions' clubhouse until we take off."
"I'll leave. I don't want to drive you away from here. I'm the intruder, not you. I'll go to a hotel."
"You can stay. Isa's cool with it. I wanna be with my brothers."
A tense silence engulfed them. He zipped up his bag and went to the bathroom to gather up his toiletries, coming out and putting his stuff in a black case.
"Are we okay?" she asked in a small voice.
He checked all the drawers in the dresser and nightstand, then turned to her. "No, we're not. You kept it secret all these years that we had a son? You had all those years to enjoy him, watch him grow, be his mother. How the fuck did you think it was okay to deny me the same things? I can't forgive you."
Her face fell. "I was seventeen years old and pregnant, and you were headed to prison for God knows how long. Would it have been better if I would've had an abortion? Would that make you feel better?"
"I'm not saying that."
"Then what are you saying? I had to give our baby a name, a chance at a life. You weren't around so I married Luc, and he played at being a mediocre daddy for seven years. You never once contacted me from prison. You ignored all my letters. When you got out, you never looked me up. You keep saying I deserted you, but you deserted me too. I didn't know where the hell you went. I'd heard at one of the high school reunion s that you'd joined up with some biker gang."
"You could've called Isa to find out where I was."
"I guess I could've, but I barely knew Isa and I had no clue where she lived. I went to your house after I found out about the baby and it was boarded up. Your whole family scattered after you went to prison. I was trying to survive the best I knew how. When Luc and I divorced, I was a single mom working two jobs and trying to keep everything together. I'm sorry if you weren't on my mind daily. During that time, the only thing that was on my mind was how to give our son a better life. I love him so much." Her voice broke and she wiped her cheeks.
"Why didn't you tell me when I was in prison?"
"What could you have done about it? Could you have married me? Given Andrew a life? Damnit! I didn't even know if you were going down on an assault or murder charge. Your father was in ICU for a long time. I didn't know if you were going to spend the rest of your life in prison. My family would've disowned me. Everything I did, I did for Andrew. I would've died for him if it meant giving him a better life. Do you seriously think I hooked up and stayed with Frederick for four years so my mother could have a big house and my insane brother could have Armani suits? I did it for our son. Every lash to my back, every humiliation Frederick threw my way, I did for Andrew. I knew if I told you, you would've charged in and rescued Andrew, but I also knew Frederick would've killed him before you got there. He held that over my head for all these years. Frederick threatened so many times, especially when I was with him in the beginning, that he'd make Andrew disappear. I couldn't bear it if I lost him too. Whenever I went to visit him at his boarding school, I'd think how wonderful it was to have a piece of you forever. He means everything to me and I couldn't lose him, even if it meant pretending you weren't his dad. I could never let Frederick know that Luc wasn't Andrew's father. And you can bet my mother and brother held that fact over my head." She took out a tissue and blew her nose. "Why didn't you bother to write me or try to look me up after you got out of prison?"
He shrugged. "Why would I? The way I saw it was that you left me. I wasn't a pussy. I wasn't going to beg after you."
"So it was your pride?"
"Fuck, woman. Don't be laying guilt and shit on me. You're the one to blame here, not me."
"I know," she said softly. "But your actions weren't exactly stellar either."
He stared at her. "Where's he now?"
"In Connecticut with a cousin of mine. When I left Frederick, I called her immediately and wired her some money to take him out of his boarding school. I knew Frederick would go after Andrew to hurt me, so I hid him with her. I've been planning to be with him before all this happened. That's why I was hesitant about going back to Pinewood Springs with you. It wasn't because I didn't love you; it was because I didn't want to be without Andrew anymore. I know you won't believe me, but I'd planned to tell you about Andrew the night everything got so crazy. I'd texted you telling you I wanted us to talk. Before we spent this time together in Lafayette, I wasn't sure. You'd told me back in Pinewood Springs that you weren't ready for a family. You said you liked your life easy and free, but after I fell in love with you all over again, I made up my mind to tell you about Andrew even if it meant I'd lose you. I didn't tell you right away because I didn't want to mess Andrew up. He's always thought Luc was his dad. How could I have told him that you were, only to have you walk away from him? Whether you believe me or not, I do love you and I'll never stop loving you."
"Too much too late, babe. I'm talking to a lawyer to find out what my rights are. You know, you're a real fuckin' piece of work. You crushed my heart years ago, and then you come back in my life and you fuckin' stomp on it. Now it's encased in steel, baby, and I don't need any woman taking a blowtorch to it."
"Please don't go, Roche. Je t'aime."
"The name's Rock, babe. And I'm not too crazy about you anymore. Have a good life. Give your address to Isa. You'll hear from my lawyer."
He picked up his bag and walked past her, closing the door behind him. He told Isa he'd be back to say good-bye before he left for home. Placing his bag in his saddlebags, he hopped on his bike and rode away, his heart aching.
Love fuckin' sucks.
* * *
"We're leaving in one hour. I want everyone ready to go," Hawk said as he picked up his bag and headed out toward his Harley.
"You don't have to worry about us. We can't wait to get the fuck back home," Wheelie said.
"I miss our club girls. The ones here are good, but they can't give head like Lola or Wendy. And Rosie's ass … damn, I'm getting hard just thinkin' about it." Bones laughed as his fellow brothers voiced their agreement.
Rock went out and placed his case in his saddlebags. "I'll be back in an hour. There's something I gotta do before I leave." He swung a U-turn and sped off down the street.
When he arrived at the cemetery, he went straight to his parents' humble graves. There was no fancy headstone, just a simple placard with each of their names and their dates of birth and death. It was just the way his mother would have wanted it. He bent down and laid a bouquet of fresh magnolias on her grave. They were his mother's favorite flower in her favorite color-purple.
"I miss you a lot, Maman, but I'm okay." He looked at his dad's grave. "I hope you've found the peace you couldn't find in life. Rest easy, Pa."
On his way out, he looked around to find another grave he'd asked the caretaker about. He went over, slipped the mojo bag out of his pocket, and placed it on Madame Vincennes' grave. A sad smile whispered across his lips. "Merci," he said softly, then turned and walked toward his Harley, anxious to return to Pinewood Springs.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
One month later
Pinewood Springs
Rock sat in the great room staring at the television as Dr. Phil tried to help another fucked-up family.
"Getting some pointers, dude?" Bones said as he sat next to Rock.
Rock laughed, shaking his head. "Why in the hell do the club girls like this shit so much?" He glanced at Lola, Rosie, Wendy, Kristy, Brandi, and Mary as they sat on the couch, transfixed by the program.
"‘Cause it's always good to know there are people in the world more fucked up than you. Want one?" Bones handed Rock a joint. They both lit up and turned away from the television. "Did you hear that the Demons Riders-Dustin and Shack, in particular-went ballistic when the deal with the Gypsy Fiends fell through? Too fuckin' great."