"That was fuckin' amazing. Damn, woman, you know how to please a man."
She smiled and lifted her head to plant a kiss on his chin. "You're amazing."
"It felt real good to be back inside you, chèrie. Real good." He kissed the top of her head as his fingers lightly tickled her upper arm.
She wanted to tell him she felt the same way, that she wanted to stay with him forever, but she couldn't. How could she destroy his life a second time? She had to face the reality that all she and Rock could ever have were memories. At least she'd given him a good one that night.
He held her tighter and soon his even breathing told her he was sleeping. She closed her eyes, happy to be safe in his arms again, even though it would be short-lived.
Chapter Thirteen
The aroma of coffee drifted up the stairs and seeped under the door crack, waking Clotille. Peeking through sleep-encrusted lids, the bright rays of morning stabbed through the open shutters. She shut her eyes again as she soaked in the warmth of Rock's arm around her belly. She inhaled his familiar scent, then burrowed her head deeper into the crook of his arm. This is the first time in forever that I've woken up happy to start the day, and it's all because of Rock. He's wonderful. Maybe I can make this work. She brushed her fingertips over his arms and traced his colorful tattoos with her fingernail. I never liked tattoos, but I adore them on him. Shifting her body, she raised her eyes up at Rock and smiled when she caught his simmering gaze, a grin teasing at the corners of his mouth.
With a quiver in her stomach, she kissed his chin tentatively. He yanked her up, his mouth covering hers as he cupped one of her bare ass cheeks. She moaned into his breaths and slowly lowered her hand toward his crotch; brushing past it, she kneaded the insides of his thighs for several minutes. Inching her fingers upward, she curled them around his dick-it was hot and hard. He groaned and sighed as he tangled his hand around her hair. Alternating between one and two hands, she changed her grip and stroked the top and underside of his shaft. Midway through her hand job, she languidly glided her fingers down toward his balls, softly fondling them. A moan deep from his throat fell on her ears as she cupped his soft sac in her hand and gently squeezed it.
"Fuck, chérie, you're killing me," he said between pants.
Glancing up, she made eye contact with him and held his gaze as she scooted her hands back around his stiffness. She moved them up and down in a steady rhythm, only slowing when she saw the pressure building in his face. As he went rigid, she eased her grip on him and he grunted loudly, his hot seed erupting over her hands.
"Fuck, yeah … . Shit, that's good." His pelvis thrust forward as his hotness trickled down her hands onto his thighs and sheets. He jerked her to him and kissed her deeply before circling her in his arms and pressing her close.
She lay there quietly, listening to his breathing return to normal. When he'd dozed off, she went to the bathroom and washed her hands, returning with a warm washcloth and cleaning him tenderly as he slept. Watching him, his face peaceful, his breaths escaping from his parted lips, she felt an overwhelming connection to him. It was like a deep magnetic field was drawing her to him, and instead of fighting it, she wanted to give in to it wholeheartedly. Fuck my family. Who cares what they think or expect of me. A renewed vigor vibrated through her until she thought of the one person she could never risk hurting or losing. I know what Frederick, Armand, and Mom will do to sweet-
"What are you thinking about, chérie?" he said as he pulled her down on top of him.
She kissed him tenderly. "That I'm happier than I've been in a long time, and it's because of you." A shadow passed over his face and her heart lurched for a nanosecond. "Should we get some breakfast? I'm starving. What about you?" She smiled warmly even though a chill had begun to settle over her.
Rock sat up, dragged his feet off the bed, slipped on his boxers, and stretched his arms over his head. "We need to talk."
How she hated those four words. Men were always saying those four evil words to her, and it always meant something bad. With Luc it had meant he had cheated on her, with Frederick it had meant she would be punished, and with Rock it would probably mean she was a one-night stand. How could I be so stupid to think we had a chance?
"What are your plans? You know you can't stay here."
With her head down, she said, "You're already tired of me?"
He stood up, went over to his jeans that were rumpled on the floor from the previous night's fucking, and took out a joint. "Want one?" She shook her head. He lit it up and took a long drag, the smoke encasing him like a fly in a spider's web. "Banger's told me you gotta go. You being here puts the club in an awkward position. It's not me telling you this but my prez. You have any idea what you're going to do?"
Bringing her fingertips to her temples, she massaged them lightly in a feeble attempt to thwart an encroaching headache. She pressed her lips together and shook her head again.
"You wanna stay in Pinewood Springs?" He leaned against his dresser, his eyes boring into her.
Her heartbeat picked up as hope fought with despair inside her. "Do you want me to?"
He shrugged. "You gotta do what's best for you. You and I are just friends."
"Do friends act like we did last night?" she said softly.
He blew out a long breath. "Last night was fuckin' awesome and this morning was pretty damn good." He grinned and she wanted to slap him hard across the face because she knew he was going to crush her hope. "But a lot of time has passed between us. We're different people than we were in high school, and we got different lives."
"What do you see in your future? Do you want a family?"
He laughed and stubbed out his joint. "The last thing I want is to be tied down. I love the freedom of easy livin', if you know what I mean." He winked at her.
"You never want to settle down and have kids?"
"Not for a fuckin' long time. I don't have time for a family. For one thing, I'm an Insurgent. I'm the Sergeant-At-Arms for the club. There's no way I'd want to risk an old lady or a kid getting hurt."
"I know you belong to the club, but you could leave it if we rekindle what we once had."
He looked at her as if she'd gone insane. For a short moment, she thought he was going to have a stroke his eyes were opened so wide. "Leave the Insurgents? That'll never fuckin' happen. When I joined the MC, it was a life commitment. A person doesn't stay for a few years and leave. It's a brotherhood of support, love, loyalty, and respect. It's who I am."
"I didn't mean to upset you. I guess I don't understand what the club is and how it affects you. I'd like to understand it so I can know you better." She clutched the sheet in her hand. "I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. After last night, I thought maybe you and I could try and explore this connection we have between us. It's strong, like a magnet pulling me to you, and I suspect you to me. You feel it, don't you?" She glanced at him.
He nodded as he stubbed out his roach in an ashtray on the dresser. "Yeah, I fuckin' feel it, but I wonder if it's just ‘cause we got a history. I'm going to level with you, chérie. I don't know if I can trust you."
Her hand flew to her chest as she leaned forward. "Can't trust me? Why would you say that?"
"Are you fuckin' kidding me? When I needed you the most you fuckin' bailed on me. I hadn't even had my trial yet and you were back dating Luc. Don't you remember that, or do you have selective memory?"
Don't condemn me for something I couldn't help. I want to tell you everything, but in doing so, I risk losing it all. "I know it looked like I didn't care, but you must believe me when I tell you that I never stopped loving you. Not for one minute did my heart belong to anyone but you." Her voice hitched, and she noticed his eyes had softened a bit.
"Well, that's in the past anyway. Now I gotta deal with a pissed-off prez and what I'm gonna do with you."
"I'm not your problem. You don't have to worry about me."
"I've cared and worried about you since I first saw you kneel beside that rich fucker. I'm not going to abandon you now. I can help you get a job and place here, but I think you've got to go farther away if you don't want the fuckwad to find you. Have you heard from him?"