Rock Kiss 03 Rock Redemption(90)

It wasn’t the sex. She hungered for Noah until she couldn’t breathe, but if sex hurt him to the point that it had become a weapon he used to self-harm, then she’d find a way to deal. No, what caused her pain was that he didn’t trust her enough to tell her what had caused the still-bleeding wound on his soul.

Lifting his head, he met her gaze, and in his eyes she saw a future with a man who was her best friend, but a best friend who’d keep his secrets, keep part of his soul forever hidden from her.

Could she live with that?





Chapter 28


Noah put the top firmly on his convertible before he and Kit left for the screen test. He said it was to protect her hair, but Kit’s expression told him she knew that was a load of BS. Noah waited for her to argue, but his mind was made up: no way was he permitting the stalker to ruin a day that could mark a watershed moment in her career.

Though she shook her head at him, she didn’t try to make him change his mind, and they rolled out of the drive a couple of minutes later to the flash of cameras. The vultures were all hoping for some kind of an exclusive to fuel the current media feeding frenzy.

“What the fuck do they think we’ll do?” he said to Kit once they’d made it out. “Strip naked and dance together in front of the gate?”

“Will Taylor.”

Noah groaned. “He doesn’t count.” The country music star hadn’t only been caught with his pants down while he fucked his mistress during an island getaway, he’d then been photographed standing stark-naked in front of a hotel window while a different woman gave him a blowjob. Turned out he’d thought the window was reflective. “In fact, you can never use Will to score points in any conversation. It’s too easy.”

“At least he was wearing his cowboy hat,” Kit said with a laugh. “It would’ve been seriously embarrassing if he was caught bareheaded.”

“Stop right there. I don’t want to think about what another guy was wearing while a groupie sucked him off.”

A sudden silence from the passenger seat, no riposte. And he realized what he’d said. He’d never been photographed, but how many groupies had sucked him off? He couldn’t remember their names, probably hadn’t ever known them, their faces a blur and their mouths doing things to him that made his body respond though his heart remained frozen.

Most of the time, it had felt as if he was standing outside his body, watching someone else be touched. The times when he was present, that was when the rage came out, when he turned brutal. He’d never hurt a woman, but on the rage nights, he made sure to pick a woman who made it clear she could take it. Then he used her, shoving her out after he was done. That was who he’d been for a long time: a bastard who didn’t really see women as anything other than objects he could use to drown out the nightmares.

Then had come Kit.

“Sorry.” It was a blindingly inadequate apology, but he didn’t know what else to say. He couldn’t erase his past. If he could, he’d have done it as a child, wiped the memories from his mind so he could have a chance to grow up normal.

“Don’t say that.” Kit’s soft response was unexpectedly fierce. “This won’t work if you feel like you have to keep apologizing.” Her hands were white-knuckled fists on her thighs. “We have to start fresh, start now.”

Noah knew it wasn’t going to be that simple—their history was what tied them together. He also knew that part of the problem was that he’d given those women something he wouldn’t give Kit.

His hands flexed on the steering wheel, his entire body tense.

If he slept with Kit, he’d end up either in the cold or in the grip of rage. Those were his only choices, and he didn’t want to stain their relationship with that ugliness. But… would it be so bad if it would make Kit happy? He always knew when the rage times were coming, so he’d just pick a cold time.

She’d never know—he was apparently decent at sex. Not the long, lazy act he’d seen in on-screen romances or read about. The hard, fast stuff. It was mechanical on his part, but none of the women had ever complained.

Muscles locked tight, he decided he’d do it tonight.

It’d be worth it to strengthen the bond between him and Kit.

“Turn here.” Her voice broke into his thoughts, chipped away at the ice. “Security should have our names.”

Following her directions to the right parking area after they were cleared through the studio gates, he slid the car into an empty spot. As he went around to meet her by her side of the car, it was with his own emotions under lock and key. “You’ll knock ’em dead.”