“Noah,” Kit said into the silence. “Do you like women?”
“What kind of question is that? You know I like women.”
“No, you use women. But do you actually like them?”
He scowled. “Sure. I like you and Thea, Molly and my sister, for starters.”
“Then why do you treat your lovers that way?” Turning in her seat, she looked at him with eyes he couldn’t read, the shutters down and locked. “As if they’re worth nothing?”
Noah couldn’t believe she wanted to talk about this. “Jesus, Kit, they weren’t my lovers. They were just women I—” He cut himself off before he spoke words even he knew would make him appear an asshole. “We weren’t lovers.”
“Have you ever had one? A lover?”
Yeah. You. They might’ve never so much as kissed, but during their friendship Kit had known him better than any of the women he’d fucked ever would. He’d given her his heart in the songs he wrote that weren’t the hard rock for which Schoolboy Choir was known, and she’d held that heart cupped safely in her hands.
“No,” he said aloud. “Why settle for just one?” It came out a brittle question.
Kit shifted to stare out the window.
They didn’t speak again until she got out of the car at her house. “Thanks for the company,” she said and was gone.
Entering the house, Kit went to her room and hung up the dress so it wouldn’t wrinkle. Then she sat on the edge of her bed and, for the last time, faced all of her most secret dreams when it came to Noah and accepted that none of them were going to come true. The end. Run credits.
No tears this time, just a quiet and soul-deep grief.
Not only for her lost dreams, but for Noah and the terrible thing that haunted him. If he ever shared the cause of his demons with her, she’d be his friend, attempt to help him, but she couldn’t live her life trying to protect his. He had to take responsibility for his choices… as she had to for hers.
When her phone rang, she stared at the screen for long seconds before picking it up. “Terrence,” she said, putting a smile in her voice.
Noah would’ve realized it was false, but Terrence didn’t know her that well yet. He would though, she thought as she agreed to meet him for dinner at his place. She’d go into this with her heart wide open, give him a chance to truly know her, this good, smart man who wanted her.
Noah woke with gritty eyes and an aching body. He hadn’t gone out and picked up a girl last night. Instead, he’d gone running on the beach, the world silvery white under a bright moon, the waves crashing to shore inches from where his sports shoe-clad feet hit the sand.
He hadn’t bothered with a T-shirt, just pulled on running shorts and shoes, and then he’d run and run and run and run until it seemed he’d left the entire world behind, locked up tight in sleep.
It wasn’t true, of course. He was awake and so were the flotsam and jetsam of the world. Including the gangbangers and drug pushers who only came out after the sun set—and who left Noah alone because they were fans. An odd perk of fame, and one he appreciated. His favorite Venice night person was a familiar homeless guy who, night after night, managed to sneak onto the beach to sleep under the stars.
“Hey!” he called out as Noah passed him on the way back to his place.
When Noah stopped, the other man struggled up into a sitting position in his sleeping bag, his deeply tanned face seamed with life and all but covered by a sprawling white beard and mustache and the messy white of his hair. “Why you so crazy? Out here at night all the time, disturbing a man’s sleep.”
Breath rough, Noah bent over with his hands on his knees. “Just a bad seed, I guess.”
“Since you woke me up, you got a dollar?”
“For you, Marshall, I got twenty.” Taking the bill from his sock where he’d put it for exactly this purpose, he handed it over. “What’s happening, my man?”
“I was creating a symphony inspired by the waves.” Marshall tucked away the money. “Now I’m thinking I’ll be inspired tomorrow morning by bacon and eggs and sausage. Symphony of Cholesterol.”
Noah grinned, knowing that for the truth. Marshall never drank away what money he had, had even turned down a bottle of bourbon last Christmas. “A full breakfast sounds good. I might join you.”
The homeless man grunted. “You’re not invited. Last time you came into the diner, you had all the waitresses going so crazy they burned my sausages and made my eggs sunny-side up when I specifically said scrambled.”
Noah took a seat on the sand, his eyes on the waves rolling in to shore. “Body’s gotta eat.”