Dead seemed a good option at that point. It meant no more pain and that was good. I was hoping for doves and angels and fluffy clouds but I’d take there being no more pain.
I heard footsteps and panicked.
Ricky.
Maybe I wasn’t ready for Ricky to find me just in case I didn’t go unconscious which didn’t, unfortunately, seem to be happening for me.
I pulled myself up to try and escape, lost my footing and I threw my arm out. Luckily, it caught on the handrail. My arm slid around it, holding on, my torso fell over because I couldn’t hold it up, my head hung down because I couldn’t hold that up either.
The rapid footsteps stopped and I felt hands on me.
“No!” I screamed and jerked away from the hands.
“It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re okay.”
The voice was a man’s, not Ricky’s. I couldn’t see him, I couldn’t hold my head up but he scared me all the same.
The hands came back.
“No!” I screamed again, leaned over and hanging onto the handrail like my life depended on it (which, in that instant, I had convinced myself it did) and pressing myself against the wall. “Don’t touch me. Don’t –”
“You’re safe. An ambulance is coming,” the man said, his hands gentle and trying to pull me away from the handrail.
“No. No ambulance. Nothing. Go away. Just leave me here.”
I wasn’t making any sense and I didn’t care. I just wanted to be alone. I’d been alone my whole life, alone and lonely. It was a place I understood. It was a place I could be safe.
I heard a door open and I tensed.
“Fuck,” another man’s voice said as the strength in my arm at the handrail gave out. I let go and slid down, my knees banged against a concrete stair right before my face smashed into another one. My useless arm again didn’t break my fall.
That hurt too.
I didn’t try to get up. I had nothing left in me.
“Pull the Explorer around,” I heard a new voice say right before I was turned gently then lifted.
“Hector –” another voice said.
“Do it!” This was sharp and loud but I didn’t have the energy to wince.
I was being moved quickly, being held against something immensely warm.
“Sadie, you with me?” I heard a weirdly familiar voice say.
“I think so,” I answered.
“Stay with me,” the weirdly familiar voice ordered.
“I’ll try,” I replied but felt myself slipping away.
Before the darkness could overwhelm me, I was jostled, the pain shot through me with renewed vigor, my eyes opened and I made a low, feral noise filled with agony that sounded scary, even to my own ears.
Then I could swear I saw Hector, he was contorting, going in and out of focus.
Then I was settled in his lap but I felt his arm slide up my back and his hand positioned my head on his shoulder, my face in his neck. It was then I closed my eyes again.
“Mamita, staying with me means talking to me.” Now I was thinking it was Hector who was the weirdly familiar voice.
Now, how bizarre was that?
We were still moving but not like before, it was smoother and it hurt a whole lot less.
“I need to go to sleep,” I told him.
“Hang on for awhile, don’t go to sleep.”
“I think, if I go to sleep, it’ll stop hurting. I need it to stop hurting.”
After I said that, it felt like the knuckles of a hand came to my cheek, they rested there lightly for a second. Then it felt like fingers were sifting gently through the hair at the side of my head, pulling it way from my face.
Now that was even more bizarre because it felt nice, nice and sweet and lovely even though everywhere else there was pain.
“I know, mamita, but you need to stay awake.”
“Why can’t I sleep?” I asked.
“Because when you go to sleep, I want you to be somewhere with doctors so we can make sure you wake up,” Hector told me.
I shook my head in his neck. “That’s okay.”
“What’s okay?”
“It’s okay if I don’t wake up.”
“Sadie, don’t say that.”
I snuggled closer to his heat and felt fuzzier. It wasn’t a bad fuzzier but a good fuzzier.
There was an edging sense of peace sliding over me and I wanted it. Peace was good. Peace was great. I liked peace. Who didn’t like peace?
“No really,” I whispered, letting the sweet, peaceful feeling steal over me. “It only matters if there’s someone to care if you don’t wake up. It’s okay if I don’t wake up because there’s no one to care.”
After I said that, with tremendous gratitude, I welcomed the peace.
* * * * *
Lee
Lee held the phone to his ear, listening to it ring but kept his eyes on Hector and Luke.