I felt my heart lurch and my stomach clench as my mother delivered her gut kick.
She sounded like Dad.
And she’d seen the papers.
Which meant she knew I was the target of a kil er.
And she didn’t care.
“Mom.”
“He’s on a tear about this money. You ain’t helpin’ things.
I don’t need this. I need to rest.”
“Mom, let me help.”
“You can help by keepin’ your nose outta our business.
You wanted to be gone, Stel a, you’re gone. Let me die in peace.”
“Mom.”
“Don’t cal back and I ain’t tel in’ him that money was from your hotshot boyfriend neither. I got enough to deal with.”
“Please, Mom, listen to me.”
But the phone was dead.
I stared at it, silent.
Mace was not silent, he muttered, voice low, “You have got to be fuckin’ shittin’ me.”
I didn’t look at him. I kept staring at the phone. I was a mixture of mortified and… I didn’t know what.
Final y, I put the handset back in the receiver.
“You… have gotta be… fuckin’ shittin’ me,” Mace repeated and, final y, I looked at him.
Uh-oh.
He was pissed.
“Mace –”
His hands went to the phone, he twisted his torso violently, ripping it out of its socket, the cord flying. He got to violently, ripping it out of its socket, the cord flying. He got to his feet and, using the entirety of his upper body for momentum, he threw it across the room.
It exploded against the wal .
Erm.
Wow.
My eyes moved from the phone back to him. “Mace.” His gaze sliced to mine.
“Those ties have been severed,” Mace said, his voice trembling with fury.
“Mace.”
“You’re not phonin’ that bitch again. I don’t care if she’s dyin’.”
“Mace.”
He exploded, “You’re their fucking daughter! Do they not know how fucking precious you are?” Oh dear.
I wasn’t sure this was about me.
Wel , maybe it was mostly about me but it wasn’t al about me.
I got close to his tense body and put my hands to his neck.
“Mace, look at me.”
His eyes tilted down but his head didn’t. His chest was moving in and out rapidly like he was breathing heavily.
“She cal ed you selfish,” he told me.
“Forget it.”
“Said you didn’t think about her when you left.”
“I heard her,” I whispered.
“She ever think of you when he was abusin’ you?”
“Mace.”
“Answer me, Stel a.”
“No,” I said quickly.
“She ever protect you?”
“No.”
“She used you to protect herself.”
I got closer. “Mace, don’t –”
“She did, didn’t she?”
“Yes,” I said quietly.
“She’s worse than your Dad.”
“She’s not. She’s just weak.”
“Don’t fuckin’ defend her. She’s worse.”
I squeezed his neck. “Okay. She’s worse.” My hands slid up to the sides of his head into the hair behind his ears and I pressed with my fingers until his head tilted down. “Don’t be angry. They’re not worth it.”
“I gave them six thousand dol ars.”
I closed my eyes.
“You know what I’d give to have my fuckin’ phone ring and Caitlin’s voice comin’ at me from the other end?” he asked.
I opened my eyes and saw the demons in his.
Shit.
“What would you give?” I whispered.
“Everything,” he whispered back.
“I love you,” I said softly, jumping the gun, saying it far faster than I planned.
But I couldn’t help it. It just slipped out. I couldn’t have stopped it even if I tried.
Mace stared at me.
So, even though it scared the effing hel out of me, since I’d thrown it out there, I might as wel go with it.
So I did.
“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me in my whole life. My hands could be crushed so I couldn’t play guitar ever again and I wouldn’t care as long as I had you.” Mace continued to stare at me.
I pressed my body to his, got close to his face, looked into his beautiful eyes and made a big mistake.
“It’s not my place to say but, I’m guessing, I was Caitlin, I had a brother like you I wouldn’t have gone through what I went through. I would have known a good life, a happy life, a lucky life. I bet you protected her from your father. I bet you kept her safe. She was lucky, until the end, to have you.”
“Quiet Stel a.”
“It’s true.”
“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talkin’ about.”