I let him go, rolled, dislodging him and his hand and put a knee to the bed to launch myself away. I got about a foot before he tagged me and dragged me backward into the heat of his body.
“Let go!” I screamed in a voice so shrill, so full of terror, it hurt my own ears.
“Sadie, calm down,” he whispered into the back of my neck as his arms wrapped tight around me, one at my stomach, one at my chest, pulling me into his hard body. “You’re safe. We’ll stop.”
“I have to go,” I demanded.
I felt his gentle, “Sh,” at my neck and I saw his hand reach out, nab a blanket at the end of the bed and pull it over my body.
I was trembling head-to-foot regardless of his heat and the blanket. Trembling so violently I could swear I felt the bed shaking with it.
The humiliation was excruciating, crippling and I felt tears clog my throat.
“I have to go,” I repeated, my voice sounding funny.
“Quiet, mi corazón,” he said gently.
I stayed quiet but I went on trembling, staring unseeing across his bed to his wall. He went on holding me tightly, his face in my hair, his warm breath on my neck. After long moments, his heat penetrated the cold in my veins and the tremors stopped.
It was then I realized I did it to him again. I came onto him and took him somewhere I didn’t intend to go. I didn’t know I didn’t intend to go there but that was the way it ended all the same.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
He gave me a squeeze. “Why?” he asked.
“I did it to you again,” I told him honestly. It cost me but he deserved honesty and not the cold bitch I treated him to the last time I walked away from him.
He rolled me to face him, arranged the blanket so it was covering me again and slid his hand through the side of my hair, pulling it away from my face. His hand went down my back until his arm was locked around me again.
I looked into his eyes. They were warm and gentle not hard and angry.
Well, thank God for that.
Finally, he said, “Don’t worry about it.”
“I didn’t intend –”
“I know you didn’t.”
“I feel like an idiot.”
“Don’t,” he said firmly.
I pulled in my lips, nodded (even though I still felt like an idiot, I mean, this was embarrassing) then dropped my gaze to his throat.
“Put your arms around me, mamita,” he ordered.
I didn’t want to but I did and, for some reason, this made me feel better.
“Can I ask a favor?”
I nodded again.
“Stay here tonight.”
My body went tight.
“No, Sadie.” His fingers came to my chin and lifted my face to look at him. When my eyes were on his he leaned in and touched his mouth to mine. He pulled away a couple of inches and said, “I just want you beside me. That’s it.”
“Buddy and Ralphie –” I began, using my one and only easy (but good) excuse.
“I’ll call Buddy and Ralphie.”
Darn.
If Hector called Ralphie and Buddy and Ralphie answered he’d probably leap for joy. I figured Buddy’s reaction would be far less dramatic but along the same vein.
I chewed my lip. Oh heck, what could I say?
First off, I’d already slept with him twice. It was on a couch but still. Secondly, I could hardly say no after this latest episode. Lastly, I wanted to stay with him, he made me feel snug, warm and safe.
Boy, my plans never really worked out, did they?
“Okay,” I agreed.
He didn’t grin, look amused or glory in his triumph. He pushed up, kissed the top of my head then slid away.
I sat up, holding the blanket to my front and watched as he walked across to a dresser, pulled open a drawer and yanked something out.
I stared in fascination at his brown-skinned, muscled back. It had a tattoo too, this one on his right shoulder blade, bigger than the other one. It was a skull, wearing an elaborate crown, its grinning teeth clenching a beautiful rose. The skull and crown were all in black, the petals and stem of the rose, though, were in full, striking color. Although I was no tattoo expert, I had an art degree so I felt safe in saying the rose was exquisite, you could see the artist had taken their time and they were skilled at their craft, it was, quite simply, stunning.
It was way cooler then the broken heart.
He slammed the drawer, turned and walked back to me. He gave me a white t-shirt, wrapped his hand around the back of my head, leaned in and kissed the top again. Then he walked away, went to another drawer, got something else and headed to the door.
He stopped, put his hand to the knob and looked at me. “Get changed, mamita, I’ll call the boys and I’ll be back.”
I nodded again, he closed the door and I heard the floorboards creak as he walked away.