I back out of her line of vision.
Shit.
Annie appears in the hallway and sweeps the vicinity until her eyes lock with mine. Here it is, the moment I never anticipated, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want it. I'll always want Annie, in any way, shape, or form she'll let me have her.
"You heard," she says it low, quiet, and it's all I can do to hold back a smile because I love hearing the sound of her sweet voice.
"Yeah, I heard."
A quivering breath escapes her. For a moment I'm afraid she might cry, and the real crime would be that she wouldn't let me comfort her. It kills me to think I won't be able to comfort her from here on out, to be there for her in general.
I sweep the hair off her shoulder as a flimsy excuse to touch her in any capacity. Even in this airy manner, it's a satisfying feeling.
"Nothing could stop me from being here today." I press out a pained grin hoping she'll soften and hear me out. "I wanted to be here for you."
She nods before hooking her semi-hostile gaze into mine.
"I'm not comfortable." She touches her lips then extends her hand as if blowing me a kiss. "Speaking to you … it feels vulnerable."
"No," I'm quick to assure her. I can feel Annie melting from her glacial hard state. She's cracking. In her effort not to speak to me, she's speaking volumes. I pull out my phone. Please, your voice is beautiful. It's compelling. I need to hear you, Annie. There. I've morphed into the guy I used to laugh at. The guy with his tail between his legs because he's so pussy-whipped he'd give up anything to lick the soles of his girlfriend's feet. I'm there. Sometimes you need to see life through the prism of heartbreak to appreciate the beauty, the gift that a good relationship really is. If anything, I'll be ten thousand times more attentive to her needs, far more open and quicker with the truth. Even if I wasn't technically trying to hide anything, a technicality is still a lie.
She looks up at me from under her lashes as the hall drains of its enthusiastic students eager to get to Christmas break. Annie has three glorious weeks off, and I'd love to spend them with her if she'd let me.
"Annie." I type out the words because I don't want her to miss a single one. You were perfect in there. You were confident and brave, and everything I knew you could be. My hand rises to touch her cheek then restrains itself because it's not my place to do so anymore. Instead my fingers glide over my phone as if my life depended on it. The day we landed in that bush back in August, I took one look into your beautiful eyes and knew I wanted to know everything about you. That first kiss we shared-what I felt at that moment was something that I never experienced before. I saw our entire future map out before me like a constellation. The first night we were together was a miracle, Annie. It was more than sex to me. I felt our souls bond. That night you and I became one person, right here where it counts. I wait for her to read to the end then touch my fist to my chest. I type into the phone once again. The love you gave is something I will treasure for the rest of my life. There will be no other great love for me. Forever, there will be just you. I reach down and pick up her hand. "Annie"-I plead-"I really enjoyed listening to you-do you think you can listen to what I have to say? Please?" I want to fall on my knees and beg like a dog. I want Annie to know the intimate details of what is really transpiring between Olivia and me. Up until now only Wyatt, Roxy, and Cole know the truth.
Annie blows a breath through her cheeks. She glances over her shoulder as if she's expecting someone, and my stomach drops. What if Annie and Frenchie have a thing going? What if I've been replaced, and I don't even know it?
"Excuse me." A voice calls, and I turn to find Johanna standing next to me. Shit. How many ways can I spell out I'm not buying what you're selling? What part of no thank you does this chick not get?
"Look, I'm not interested." I turn my attention to where it belongs, back to the woman I'd die for.
"Actually"-Johanna steps toward Annie-"there's something I wanted to say to your girlfriend." Her voice is soft, she's taken a humble stance with her shoulders lowered, her chin dipped to her chest. "I just wanted you to know that I totally respect what you did up there." She's talking a little louder than she would naturally, but she seems genuine, so I don't give her the boot just yet. "I'm sorry about how I've behaved." She gives a weary look in my direction before refocusing. "And I'm sorry things didn't work out between the two of you." She shakes her head, readjusting her backpack. "Anyway you never know. Things might work out yet." She takes off out the door, and it's just Annie and me in these hallowed halls.
Annie touches her hand to my chest a brief moment. "I will listen." She gives a low guttural laugh. "It's okay, you can laugh."
I shake my head, and a grin starts to take over my face. It's as if we're back to being Annie and Blake, and not a damn thing has happened. It looks like I'll be able to give her the gift myself, after all. I can almost feel Benji up there somewhere smiling at me.
My phone vibrates, and I pull it out just enough to see it's a text from Olivia.
Just had him. Sorry no time to call. Jepson Memorial room 228.
My heart seizes. I give a hard blink into the phone. Can't catch my breath. My body grows heavy as concrete.
Annie places her hand on my shoulder. "Are you, okay?" she mouths. Her eyes bear into mine, and I fight the urge to collapse my arms around her.
I flash the phone at her and take a deep breath. "I have to go." My heart breaks and fills with elation all at once. My fingers type something out quick as if they had a mind of their own. I'm going to meet my son. And I don't want to do it without you. Would you please come with me? As a friend?
Her mouth opens as she struggles for words. "Are you still with this girl? She said you were." Her voice is low and raspy and just as gorgeous as she is.
A ball of fire rips through me at the lie Olivia managed to squeeze between Annie and me.
"No. There's so much I have to tell you. The baby-"
"This conversation can wait." Annie glances down at my phone. "I'll go with you-as a friend," she whispers.
*
Jepson Memorial emerges over the landscape like an overgrown cinder block against the dove gray sky. It looks ominous and hopeful all at once. A thousand thoughts race through my mind-all of them rotating right back to the baby waiting for me inside.
Annie was nice enough to text Wyatt for me as I sped like hell to get us here. We park and race up to the second floor. I pause a moment outside the maternity ward to catch my breath. My head pulsates. My heart feels as if it's malfunctioning on a fatal level.
I touch my hand to my head. "If I'm about to drop dead, I came to the right place."
"You can do this," she whispers. "I'm here for you." She says it loud, and I smile with relief. I hope she never stops saying those words.
"Thank you." I pull her into a tight embrace, taking in her scent as if I needed a hit just to make it through what comes next.
Annie and I walk onto the unit. Second door to the right, room 228.
"Knock, knock," I say softly. The door is wide open, but there's a curtain blocking our view of the bed. The television is so loud I could hear it down the hall.
"Get in here, you piece of shit," Olivia snarls. At least her sense of humor is still intact. We walk to the other side of the curtain, and Olivia twitches the idea of a smile at the two of us.
"He's in there." She nods to her left at the glass basinet where a tiny bundle of flannel blankets quietly fidgets. "Go on. Get your daddy on." She flips the channel on the TV and turns down the volume. "You, too." She flicks the remote toward Annie. "If you're going to be playing the part of ‘baby mama', you'd better get to know the critter."
"Ignore her." I walk Annie toward the tiny bundle. "My God," I whisper. My body shakes out of control as the tears come. All of the pain, all of the heartache of losing Benji is coming to a head in the most beautiful way.
Annie taps me, points to the baby and makes a rocking motion with her arms. "Pick him up."
"Yes." I give a nervous laugh at the thought. I reach in carefully and extract him a little faster than anticipated because holy, holy-he is lighter than air. "He doesn't weigh anything." The patch of dark hair on the top of his head wafts in the breeze I've created with my words.