Soon enough it's my turn. All eyes are on me just the way I don't like it.
I am thankful for- A part of me wants to sign anything, Nitro, my mother, my family, all of the things I'm genuinely thankful for, but, in truth, I want to say Blake. He opened my heart wider than I could have ever anticipated, and, for that, I'm forever grateful. I'm thankful for the love of each and every person in this room.
It's true. If it weren't for each and every person in this room I wouldn't be who I am today. Cole has showed me that people can change. He was a notorious playboy before he met Roxy. And Roxy showed me that a girl can have balls and that it's okay to use them. Izzy-for teaching me to be brave and dance even when the world says sit down and watch. Baya for showering me with the love and attention only a true sister can. Bryson and Holt helped cheer me on through every single milestone in my life. They saved me from a bully or two in my younger years, and, now, they've saved me from someone else who wanted to hurt me even more-Blake. And, of course, my mother for loving me through this adventure called life. I know hers will be the first face I see when I'm still groggy from the anesthesia. I get nauseated just thinking about what that day will be like for me.
Once dinner is through, Baya and Izzy offer to do the dishes. My mother wraps her arm around me as I head to the family room with my brothers to watch the game. More like ignore the game and drown in pie until it's time to see Kaya.
You mind taking a walk? Her lips purse the way they do when she's about to get serious. I know it's coming. She's my mother, so I should probably give her the opportunity to comfort me. I'm sure she's been rehearsing what she wants to say ever since Holt broke the news.
We head outside into the brisk November air. The sun set a little while ago leaving sharp striations in the autumn sky of purple and bronze, a stunning combination that makes you wish you can share it with someone special. I wrap my arm around Mom because I am doing just that.
We pause at the end of the long wraparound porch, and she presses a kiss to the top of my head.
Do you want to talk about it? She edges in.
Not really. I shrug into the dark maroon night. He's gone. You can all say I told you so. I deserve it.
Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. She pulls me into a long embrace. They say your first love hurts the most. You never truly get over the first person who breaks your heart.
A flood of relief washes over me when she says those words.
A part of me never wants to get over Blake.
I don't think I will.
* * *
Seven-thirty can't get here fast enough. Roxy and Cole drive me back to campus. I think they were happy to call it a night. All the way home she smiles and giggles at whatever he says, and Cole flirts with her madly as if they've just met. I want to stick my hand down my throat and puke all over the interior of his truck.
Instead, I thank them both by way of a hug. Roxy gives me two thumbs up.
"You're a strong girl. You're going to rock the rest of this semester."
A part of me dies a little when she says the word rock. Anything associated with music makes me dive deeper into mourning.
"If you want, over Christmas break"-Roxy speaks extra slow and does strange things with her hands in an effort to help me understand-"you can work part time with me in the kitchen. I've got sales going through the roof." She points up, and I try not to smile at the effort. I appreciate it. "I can really use an extra pair of hands."
I nod as I type into my phone. I would love that. Thank you.
They take off for their apartment, and I make a beeline for Hallowed Grounds. Just the thought of being so close to Kaya makes me feel giddy far more than I thought possible these last few days.
There she is! Standing in front of the café is my beautiful, bouncy best friend, Kaya. Her blonde hair is tipped with pink, and she's wearing black-laced boots that travel all the way up to her thighs. A short red coat completes the look that shouts look at me, world!
I've always admired Kaya's moxie. I can hardly wait to introduce her to Marley. I know they'll get along great.
Kaya spots me and gives a wild wave. We come at one another like two freight trains ready to collide, and we do. Kaya and I engage in one long, rocking hug that draws the laughter out of me whether I want it to or not.
I've missed you like crazy. I make a face because I've just smiled and laughed for the first time in a week. Thank you for coming out.
She frowns. I'm afraid you're going to be seeing a lot more of my ugly face. I'm coming home for spring semester.
Will you be at Whitney? I'm so excited I can't breathe.
I'm applying, so we'll see.
A group of girls walk by, and I recognize two of them as the horrible twits from Digital Studios, Courtney and her ridiculous leader, Johanna.
What's going on? Kaya has always been perceptive when it comes to my emotions.
Not the nicest crowd, that's all. We make our way toward the café, and a familiar kind-hearted face comes around the corner.
Kaya, I want you to meet your future husband, Tristan. He looks freshly showered and shaven. He's really put in an effort for tonight, and it shows. My stomach pinches with a wave of jealousy. Tristan is honest and one of the nicest people on the planet. I thought I had found all those attributes and more in someone else, but I guess I was wrong.
Future husband? Kaya's eyes enlarge as she quickly sizes him up. Annie is anything if she's not subtle. Nice to meet you. I like my eggs sunny side up and served with two slices of bacon-make that four. I'm up for a destination wedding, but I'm open to locations.
Nice to meet you, and does France sound okay? Tristan raises his brows.
They share a laugh, and there's already a tenderness between them that has me feeling like a third wheel. Tristan hasn't once taken his eyes off her. Maybe there really is something brewing here?
Kaya laughs and signs back, but I don't catch it because my eyes are fixed on a heart-stopping site straight ahead.
I'll be right back. I tell them, but they're so wrapped up in banter they hardly notice.
A familiar leather jacket stands with his back to me. Blake stares up at Prescott Hall, in the general direction of my dorm room as if he's trying to speak to me telepathically. There he is. My body slaps with shock. Over the months we were together he had seen every part of me, my heart and soul included. I was exposed bare to Blake, far more than to anyone before and perhaps even myself. I trusted my heart to this person I had known for such a brief amount of time, and I gave him my body! The mournful hilarity of it all is too much to bear. But the truth is, Blake cannot be classified as something so simplistic as "this person." He's a part of me now, a part of my story of the fabric of my being. For so long he was the compass to every one of my heart beats-and as unfair as it may seem, still is. He had laid the deepest bruise over my existence, one which might never heal. In a strange way, I hope it won't. I want to drink down the pain, the gutting grief, a little here and there, when I need it, so hopefully this entire tragedy will never play out again. Sometimes pain is the most respected teacher.
My heart drums into my throat. A part of me wants to do this-so I do.
The wind slices through me with its razor sharp teeth as I make my way over. I offer a quick tap to his shoulder. I'm sure Blake is used to girls tapping him on the shoulder to get his attention, especially the pregnant ones. Wait, that's not right. But I'm too hopped up on adrenaline to care.
"Annie?" He wraps his arms around me so fast it's as if I've just come back from the dead. Blake feels intensely solid, intensely mine. I take in the strong scent of his cologne, the familiar scent of leather, the slight hint of musk from his hair, and feel the tears burn under my lids. I pull back and carefully remove his arms from my body.
"I just want to say thank you." My chest flashes with heat. I haven't spoken since that day I yelled at him-correction, screamed. I've only done that a handful of times before and usually that was directed at my brothers.
His eyes narrow with sorrow as his hand cups my cheek. "My God, you have a beautiful voice. But I'm sure there is nothing to thank me for." His gaze falls to the ground.
"You made me brave." I can feel my voice warbling in and out of a whisper. "I'm doing my oral report for Digital Studios next Friday." I try to even out my tone the way the way the countless hours of speech therapy taught me. "Without you, I wouldn't be doing it." I don't tell him about the surgery. "Good luck to you with everything." I turn to go, and he wraps his arms around me from behind. Blake buries his face in my hair a moment.