“As graphic as you need to be. This J whatever isn’t here, so I can’t beat him to a pulp if he hurt you.” The absolute sincerity in the threat sent a fresh wave of shivers through her, though they had absolutely nothing to do with apprehension.
“Good to know. Um…he tried to pin me to the bed, and he had a thing for handcuffs. I used to not care so much. I’m pretty open to new things.” She squeezed her ass against his thigh in reminder of the question he’d asked her that morning. When he pinched her in response, she laughed. “Anyway, he tried to restrain me, and I flipped out. I think I broke his headboard then I threw him off me, and I took off. A part of me…God, this sounds so stupid.”
“No it doesn’t.” A kiss. “I promise, it doesn’t.”
“I ran. I could hear everything. I could smell everything. I could practically see in the dark, and it was so noisy and so stinky and just—nothing made sense. It was like I could hear my own blood rushing in my veins. I ran away from everyone, from the people, the campus.” The weird part was how real and visceral the drug-induced memory remained. She could almost see it happening all over again. “We abutted a really large park and I ran out there, and I ran and ran, I thought my legs would give out at some point, but they didn’t. Then I was alone, but I wasn’t. I could hear birds and a rabbit. The rabbit was weird. It was like I could really see it, and I could hear it chewing grass, then it paused and stared at me and I stared back. Its tiny little heart began to hammer.”
Hunching her shoulders, she threaded her fingers with his free hand. Touching steadied her, but she didn’t want to scare him off with the idea of how much she enjoyed and had begun to crave their closeness. Six days. They’d known each other six days. She had to keep reminding herself of the fact.
“It went on all night like that. Sometime around dawn, I think I went to sleep. One of my roommates found me crashed against a tree. It was humiliating and eye opening. I had flashes for days after. I’ve heard you can relive bad trips, but…that was four, almost five years ago? I still flash back to it occasionally. After that, I really wanted to concentrate on helping people. I turned my focus to nursing and medical stuff. I stayed away from drugs, and now we get to the end of the encyclopedia version instead of the bit I was going to tell you…I got into a nursing program, I settled, I moved home to save money, and I had my own car. I had a boyfriend—not J, he never spoke to me again—but a guy I thought was a decent sort.”
Seriously, who was she kidding?
“Okay, the last part was a lie. He was a bad boy. There, I said it. I have a thing for bad boys. You know dangerous types. Maybe it’s a pathological thing left over from my austere childhood or maybe I’m a closet wild type. I dunno. I knew he wasn’t good news, but I dated him anyway for the grand, mature reason of it pissed my parents off. One day, he came to pick me up from the clinic where I was doing some clinical hours and I left him alone and he helped himself to some of the drugs. Apparently this went on for a few months. The cops arrested me because I facilitated it, and he told them I provided him the drugs as recompense for sex and that I did so in the full knowledge of it all.” If she ever saw him again, she would rip his pencil dick off.
Leaning her head against Brett’s shoulder, she glanced up at him. His stillness remained comforting, but at least he wasn’t rumbling anymore. He looked very intent.
“They had his testimony. They had the clinic notes of my hours and when the pharmaceuticals went missing, and I was given a choice. Plead down to a lesser charge or face felony charges of possession of narcotics with intent to distribute.” Shrugging, she sighed. “Right or wrong, I facilitated his access to the drugs. I knew he wasn’t a good person. I willfully ignored the signs and so, in a way, I was guilty. My mother stopped speaking to me after I was arrested and pretty much kicked me out. I really didn’t want to go to prison, so I took a lesser plea. The judge took pity on me, and I was given a few thousand hours of community service which also turned into a job where I met Luc.”
Brett was an affluent, down to earth, businessman with strong ties to his community. She’d put that together in nothing flat. He was not remotely like her bad boy boyfriends or her dumbass lays from college.
“What happened to this waste of human excrement?” With one question he ripped away the curtains of regret and filled her with laughter.
“Last I heard he was in rehab, but I decided that the best thing for me was to walk away. I could hold onto my anger and resentment at him for my stupid choices, or I could own the decisions I made and make my life better.”