Gradually the stone in her expression seemed to soften. “That all sounds…really good. Almost too good.” The stiffness in her shoulders eased and she scrubbed a hand over her face. Suddenly the confusion in her scent teased his nose, sharp and spicy, with layers of anxiety. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound like a raving bitch because you offered to take me for a walk rather than back into all the people. And—dammit, you did help me when I was choking. I just…” Even as she would have paced away, he slid his hand down her arm to interlace their fingers.
Tugging gently, he guided her away from the hill and the barbecue and toward the path leading behind his place and into the woods. It would be quieter there. The high level of agitation and tension pulled at him. His wolf didn’t like her being upset, even if they were both relieved her scent had returned. Where the hell it went, he still didn’t know.
“You just…?” He prompted when she failed to continue.
“I’m a stranger in a strange land and it seems to be getting stranger all the time.”
“I know how that feels.” He did.
“You?” Cocking her head, she gave him a sidelong look. “Didn’t you just tell me you grew up here? You know all these people? They all listen to you?”
“You can know someone for years and still be a stranger in hard times.” Then because it was Colby and no one else followed them or listened, he admitted a quiet truth. “Sometimes when bad things happen, everything you thought you knew, thought you believed, you begin to question. Then you begin to doubt.”
“And you wonder how you ever trusted in the first place.” Succinct, direct and exactly what he meant.
“Yes.”
A breeze carried the wild profusion of scents which comprised his pack. They were all his to protect, his to care for, and his to trust—the first two he would give his life in the effort of, but the last? The last remained a struggle.
“I sometimes wonder if I wasn’t meant to be one of those people.” Longing twisted within the words, longing and a hint of loneliness. He wanted to answer the first and erase the second.
“What people?”
“The ones who get it all right, who get the family and the friends and you know—the job they wanted. Their biggest worries are will they get to the store before it closes or have time to watch that movie after their chores are done.”
“One thing I have learned, it always looks better from the outside. Everyone can believe you have mastered the tasks and the challenges. They can believe you are happy if you never tell them otherwise. But every life has its obstacles—obstacles you and I might deem no problem, but for others?” Pausing near the tree line, he pointed to a squirrel holding on desperately to the tree, frozen lest it be noticed the wolf it had scented. “See that little guy? Even he has problems.”
Her laughter was a balm on his soul. “Yes, like where is he going to put all those nuts?”
“That and will those people notice me? And maybe he has a mate, and he needs to find her or they have babies and then they have other predators that come for them. You would assume a squirrel has a simple life. Most people look at animals and go—we should be more like them. They have nothing to worry about, they sleep, they eat…”
“…they have sex.” The way her lips shaped the word sent a bolt of lust arcing straight to his cock, but he ignored the tightening sensation.
“Yes, simple on the surface. But the life of an animal is filled with predators, survival against the weather, against man changing their environment, about living out the day to see the next. Imagine if you will fighting for every meal, every day. That if you didn’t get up and hunt enough, you would starve in winter. That every step you take could be your last if something bigger or meaner than you comes along.”
“So, stop my bitching and moaning about having a nice guest room, people pretending to care and enjoy the ride while it lasts?”
Not how he would have put it. “If you ever decide to gift me with your trust, Colby, I will never betray it.”
Facing him, she glanced at their joined fingers then at his face once more. “Odd way of phrasing it.”
“You’re running. You’re angry. You’re confused. But I think you’re lonely.”
“Yeah well, I could say the same things about you.”
Raising his brows, he allowed himself a faint smile. “I’m not running.”
“But you’re also not denying the other charges.”
“No, you’re correct after a fashion.” Which was all he would willingly admit to at their current point. Stepping closer to her, he wasn’t surprised when she retreated. He pursued, until she backed right against a tree. No fear muddied her scent, nor did she try to dart around him or pull away. “I am glad you are here.”