And why had it happened? It had happened because she had behaved stupidly.
She shuddered now, remembering that moment in the car park when she had blurted out those fateful words. A small groan broke the silence of her kitchen. How could she have behaved like that … spoken like that? It had been tantamount to asking him to deny her words.
Was that why she had said them? Because a part of her had known that out of compassion he must reject them?
She winced at the thought, filled with a humiliating awareness of what Oliver Tennant must be thinking about her. What she could not understand was why, after what she had said, he had not changed his mind about lodging with her.
Telling herself it was pointless to go over and over the whole thing endlessly looking for explanations and reasons, she acknowledged that the only way she was going to be able to live with her folly was to behave as though it had never happened-and that included behaving as though that kiss had never happened as well. And yet almost she was unable to resist the impulse to touch her fingers to her mouth, as though in doing so there was some way she could recapture the sensation of his moving against it.
Angry with herself, she snatched her hand away. She had far more important things to do than to stand here agonising over a kiss given in pity. Far, far more.
CHAPTER SIX
'GOOD, so you are in after all. I've been knocking on this door for ages!' Vanessa exclaimed in an aggrieved voice as Charlotte drew back the final bolt on the front door and opened it.
Once she realised who was standing outside, Charlotte wished she had left the door closed. 'I don't use the front door much,' she told her unwanted visitor, adding coolly, 'Is Adam with you?'
'No, I thought it best that we have our little chat alone.'
A tingle of apprehension ran down Charlotte's spine. It was most unusual for Vanessa to come round to see her, and she suspected she knew what, or rather who had brought her.
Closing the door and heading for the kitchen, Charlotte was conscious of Vanessa's deprecating study of the house.
'I can't understand why you simply don't just sell this place,' she sniffed as they walked into the kitchen and sat down. 'It's far too large for one person, and it needs a fortune spending on it to bring it up to scratch. You'd be better off with a small purpose-built flat. After all, it's not as though you're ever likely to marry, is it?'
The words, which only echoed her own private thoughts-thoughts which until recently she had found quite acceptable-now jarred, conjuring up an unwanted memory of those two dark-haired, blue-eyed imaginary children.
'Whether or not I marry has no bearing on where I choose to make my home,' she told Vanessa lightly, trying not to allow the other woman to get under her skin. 'This house has been my home for all of my life. I may sell it, I may not. I haven't made up my mind as yet.'
'Oh, come on, Charlotte. There's no need to pretend with me. There's only one reason you're hanging on to it and we both know what that is,' Vanessa accused nastily. 'The moment you heard that Oliver was looking for accommodation you made up your mind, didn't you? I suppose I shouldn't blame you. After all, how often does a woman in your position-single, plain, over twenty-five-get the opportunity to insinuate herself so closely into the life of an eligible, handsome man? As I said, I can understand perfectly well why you approached Oliver with this ludicrous idea of yours that he move in here with you, but, as one of your oldest friends, I felt that I must warn you. Even Adam agreed with me that in the circumstances-'
'Adam? You've discussed this with Adam?'
Immediately she saw the triumph in Vanessa's eyes, Charlotte regretted her sharp words.
'Well, he is my husband, and I thought as a man he would be able to give me a man's view of things. I must say it was no different really from mine. Of course, he put it rather more … well, bluntly than I would have done.
"You know what people will say when they find out he's living there, don't you?" he said to me. "They're bound to think that there's something going on. And of course they're bound to feel sorry for Charlie. And I suppose you can't blame her … he's an attractive man."' Vanessa lifted her eyebrows. 'Attractive-I ask you! Men can be so blind, can't they? But then Adam, poor dear, would be the last person to recognise Oliver's very male appeal-'
Growing steadily angrier as she listened to Vanessa, Charlotte cut through her monologue to demand curtly, 'Just why have you come here, Vanessa?'
'Why? Well, to warn you of course, darling. Look, I know how you must feel, how tempted you must be to ignore the facts and allow yourself to imagine … Well, you wouldn't be human, would you, if you hadn't imagined just what Oliver would be like in bed? But as your friend … Well, think about it, darling,' she purred, ignoring the grim silence emanating from her 'friend'. 'What on earth could a man like Oliver really see in a woman like you? I mean, let's be realistic … how many men have there been in your life since your engagement was broken?' She paused delicately, like a cat toying with an injured mouse, Charlotte reflected tiredly.
All at once she had had more than enough.
'Vanessa, I'm not sure what you're trying to imply, but I should tell you now that Oliver Tennant is moving in here as a temporary lodger and nothing more. He means nothing to me other than a source of some additional income to help with the running expenses of this house while I decide what to do with it. If people choose to think differently, well, there is very little I can do about it. However, I am sure that those people who know me as well as you do will realise as you have done the implausibility of there being any relationship between us which is not strictly business.'
'Ah, yes, that's another thing I felt I ought to warn you about,' Vanessa pounced. 'My dear, have you thought why Oliver has chosen to come and live here with you? Why, you heard me offering him our guest room rent-free. Think about it, my dear. What possible advantage could there be to his staying here? In the business sense, of course.'
'What is it you're trying to say, Vanessa?' Charlotte demanded frigidly.
Vanessa pouted.
'Surely you can guess? Oliver is your business rival-what better way for him to completely undermine your business than by moving in here with you and, well … pretending that he is attracted to you? I just thought I ought to warn you,' she added virtuously. 'And so did Adam. I mean, I suppose in time you'd have realised the truth for yourself, but of course by then it might be far too late. We women can be such fools where our hearts are concerned, can't we?'
If she didn't get rid of Vanessa soon she was either going to scream or be sick, Charlotte recognised. She had never been so angry in her life. How dared Vanessa walk in and suggest … ? Did she really think she was so stupid, so desperate, that she would allow herself to be deceived in the way Vanessa was suggesting? She had far too much sense.
Or had she? That kiss this evening-a gesture of pity, of compassion, from a man who had unexpectedly shown her that he had awareness of the feelings of others, that had broken down the barriers she had put up against his sex. Or had it had an ulterior, far less altruistic motive?
Could she have been mistaken about his motives? Surely not? That unguarded comment of hers about her lack of sexual appeal hadn't been something he could have known she was going to say. Even so, an extra burden of anxiety had been added to the ones she already carried.
She had no illusions about Oliver's determination to establish his agency here. He had claimed that there was room for both of them, and so there was, but she had suspected all along that a man with his drive would never be satisfied with merely a share of the market. Hitherto, though, she had assumed that the competition between them would be conducted on a strictly business footing.
Now Vanessa had succeeded in sowing fresh doubts in her mind. Was his decision to come and live here all part of a carefully planned campaign? Had he, on hearing that she was looking for a lodger, deliberately decided to turn that fact to his own use?
Did he intend to deceive her into believing that something more than a business relationship could be established between them? Did he intend, once having won her confidence, to use her vulnerability to him to destroy her completely?
Charlotte shivered a little and Vanessa's sharp eyes noticed the betraying gesture. She smiled to herself and stood up. 'Naturally, as your friend, I had to warn you. I mean, people aren't stupid, are they? Everyone will soon start putting two and two together-especially the men.' She rolled her eyes. 'You know what they can be like. Before you know where you are, they'll be sniggering about you behind your back, making crude jokes. If I were you I shouldn't waste a moment in telling Oliver that you've changed your mind,' she added carefully. 'After all, he'll soon find somewhere else to live.'