The pain was becoming unbearable and I screamed out at the top of my lungs.
“I can’t give her anymore. It’s worn off already.” The doctor holding my hand announced to someone else in the room.
“Give her something else.” Someone else yelled.
“I can give her morphine, but she will still feel the pain, you know that.”
I was fading in and out from the severity of the pain. My mind fought to hold on while my body was giving up. Part of me didn’t want to live if I lost my boys, but I knew I couldn’t just leave Ty with Bella. It wasn’t because I thought he couldn’t do it, it was because I couldn’t imagine a life without them either. Every single happy moment of my life was because of them. I couldn’t give up.
Time sort of stood still for me.
I didn’t think I’d fallen asleep, but when I woke up new people were in the room and the man that had been holding my hand was gone. I tried to move my arms again, just to fail when they didn’t budge. I tried to focus on the room, but the morphine must have been working because it was hard to focus clearly. I moved my head some more and saw that the doctor standing over my body was covered in my blood.
“My babies.”
“Try not to talk. You need to save your energy.”
“Please, tell me. Are they okay?”
I faded out again.
When I came to this time, my head was tilted to the side. For just a brief moment, I could have sworn I saw Ty looking at me through some kind of window. A doctor moved in front of my view and when he moved away again, Ty was gone.
Was he really here? How could he have gotten here so fast? How long had I been out of it? Does he know about our boys?
The more I started to worry, the more the monitor beeped. The faster it got, the harder it was for me to keep my eyes opened. I struggled to stay awake, hoping to get one more glimpse of Ty. I had to know if it was really him. I needed him to know that I didn’t hate him. He needed to know if something happened to me, I wanted him to move on. He had a big heart and I knew he would want more children. Bella deserved to live a happy life. She didn’t ever have to know what we’d done to keep her safe.
I let myself fade one last time, even though I was determined to stay awake, I had lost the battle.
The atmosphere was different when I opened my eyes. All of the previous voices had disappeared. A mellow beeping was coming from behind me just as I remembered being strapped to the bed, my arm raised higher than I expected it to. The ceiling was brighter with fluorescent lights instead of the ones in the last room I was in.
Before I could turn my head to look around, I heard someone sniffle to my right. I didn’t have to see his face to know who it was. Ty’s wedding ring, along with both of his hands covered my view of his face. He was obviously crying and just hearing it brought back everything that had happened.
I reached for him, even though he wasn’t close enough to touch. When I went to speak, my voice was nothing but air. “Ty….” He didn’t hear me through his own crying. “Ty,” I repeated.
Slowly, his hands moved away from his face. I was shocked to see how red the eyes were that looked back at me. “Miranda…Baby, I can’t believe you’re awake. My God, I thought I lost you forever.” He reached his arms around me and pressed his lips to mine.
My mouth was so dry; it hurt to even try to talk. “Water. Please.”
Ty moved his face away from mine and looked around the room. “Nurse…she’s awake and she needs a drink.”
A female, who looked about our age, came walking up to my bedside. She was wearing scrubs with little teddy bears all over them. I don’t know what made me notice it, but I did. They reminded me of the Grateful Dead bears I’d seen on bumper stickers.
“Because of the medication, I can’t give her a drink yet, but I can offer her some ice chips to chew on. I’ll be right back.”
I watched her walk away and then turned my attention to Ty. My voice was an air-filled whisper, so he got up close to my face when I spoke. “I’m sorry.”
“Baby, try not to talk.” He wiped the hair from my face and kissed my cheek. “Everything’s going to be okay.”
It wasn’t okay. It was never going to be okay. Our boys were gone because of my accident. I’d taken his sons from him. No matter what happened between us, we could never get past this. Even if I forgave him for Heather, he would never forgive me.
“Please don’t hate me.” I was too weak to cry, but inside I was being torn apart. He had to know the truth by now. How could he be sitting here with me knowing what had happened.
He stroked my cheek and ran his fingers over my lips. “Shhh, I could never hate you. Even if you hate me.”