I hated what we’d become. I hadn’t just lost my husband, I’d lost my best friend. I wanted to call Van and tell her what went down, but I just couldn’t talk about it, on account of it making it real. I kept thinking I was going to wake up and be okay. Ty was going to be next to me, holding me tight and telling me that it was all in my mind.
I’d been driving for two hours, before I had to stop and relieve my bladder. Unfortunately, I had to wake up Bella to do it. She looked around in her groggy little body and climbed out of the car. “Mommy? Where are we?”
“I have to go potty. Do you need to go?”
She nodded and held my hand as we walked into the public restroom. She let me go first and I waited in the stall for her to take her turn. While she moved her legs back and forth she cocked her head to the side and looked at me. “Why are you still sad, Mommy?”
“I’m not sad. I’m just anxious to see our family. Are you excited?”
She shrugged. “I wish Daddy came too. We never go to Kentucky without Daddy. I just want him to be with us.”
I brushed her hair with my hand. “I know you do, Sweetie. I know you do.”
God, could this hurt anymore? How much more could I take?
Bella finished and we got back in the car. Of course, since she was awake, she insisted on getting something to eat. I stopped at a drive thru and ordered for her. I knew I should eat something, but I would just throw it up. We still had a few hours to drive and I hated that it was already so dark.
Once I got Bella’s food situated, I grabbed my phone and turned it on. Right away the voicemail notifications lit up. I knew who the calls were from and I started to just hit the delete button, but something made me listen. I just wanted to hear his voice.
My shaky hands hit the button to listen to the first message and the tears were already falling down my face.
Hey, Baby, it’s me, your totally awesome, madly in love, husband. I was calling to hear your pretty voice and your southern twang, but got your voicemail instead. Miranda, I love you so much. I can’t even explain how happy you make me. You’ve given me more than I could have ever asked for. There isn’t a second out of the day, where I am not grateful for the life we have. I love you with all of my heart. I love the family we’ve made and look forward to our beautiful future together.
Can’t you just see it? Can’t you see us with gray hair, sitting at those late night football games. I’ll be the dad with one eye on my football playing sons, and the other on our daughter, who if she looks anything like you, I will need to carry a gun to fight off all of those horny teenage boys.
God, I am so glad I have you, Baby. I’m almost to Izzy’s school, so I gotta go. I missed you today and I can’t wait to kiss those lips and see your pretty smile.
I love you.
I dropped the phone to the floor, unable to even breathe. Ty had left me that message before he knew what happened. He didn’t even know that Heather had paid me a visit. His words were too fresh in my head. I picked up the phone and hit repeat.
After the third time, Bella had started to cry in the backseat. She couldn’t hear her father, or what I was doing, she just knew I was devastated about something.
I couldn’t listen anymore and turned my phone back off. That message was from the Ty that I loved with my whole heart. That was the Ty that would lay down and die before someone hurt me. Knowing there was a secret part of him that wasn’t that man, stabbed through every ounce of love I had for him.
He said we’d be forever and our love would never die, but all along I wasn’t enough for him. He was just waiting for an opportunity to be with that fucking whore again. I wished she was dead. She ruined my life and walked out of my house laughing at what she’d done. What kind of person does that?
“Mommy, can I please call Daddy now?”
No! Please stop asking. You’re making me crazy!
Reluctantly, I dialed Ty’s number and handed Bella my phone. “It’s ringing. Listen, I don’t want Daddy knowin’ I’m sad, so just tell him I can’t talk while I’m drivin’. Okay?”
She didn’t get to answer before I heard her talking. “Hi, Daddy.”
“Yeah, we’re driving. Yes. I know. She says she can’t talk when she’s driving. Okay. Yeah, Mommy says I am going to surprise Noah. I will. Okay, Daddy. I love you too.”
I thought she’s hung up, but she started giggling. “I know, I promise. I won’t forget, Daddy. You’re my best friend too. Okay, I’ll tell her. You already said that, silly. Okay, I miss you too.”
I focused on the road, even though the tears were running down my cheeks. I refused to look back at Bella. I was taking her away from her favorite person in the whole world. I wondered how many nights it would take her to stop crying for him; to stop wanting to be around him.