The line got silent and I knew Conner killing me would be better than Miranda hearing the truth.
Conner, I never would have done that shit. That bitch drugged me. I just woke up. I left everything in her house and drove away. My life is over, Man.
I’m tryin’ to be a brother here and not someone that wants to kill you. How do you know you had sex?
I was naked. She was naked. You figure it out.
That don’t mean it happened. Drive home. I’ll wait outside.
If you’re going to kill me, use a gun. Make it fast Conner. I can’t take this guilt anymore.
Just get your fucking ass home. I ain’t goin’ to kill ya.
Even after I hung up the phone, I sat in the parking lot considering what I could possibly do to save my family. Miranda was never going to forgive me. My marriage was over and there was nothing I could say to save it. I promised her and I meant it when I’d said it. How could I have done something like this to her and to myself?
I arrived at my house about twenty minutes later. Conner was standing out at the barn, looking down at his phone. When he approached me, he saw I wasn’t wearing a shirt. I climbed out of the truck and prepared to have the shit beat out of me. I deserved it. I wanted it to happen.
“Jesus Christ, where’s your shirt?”
“I couldn’t find it. I ran out of there as fast as I could.” I stood right in front of him just waiting, but as the seconds passed, I dropped to my knees and cried into my hands. “I’m so so fucking sorry, Conner. I promised her forever and I meant every word of it. I know you hate me. Just hit me. I deserve it so much.”
He got closer and kicked at my leg lightly to get my attention. “Stand up! I ain’t goin’ to hit ya. Christ Almighty, you need to get yourself together.”
I let my hands fall but the tears wouldn’t stop. I was being a fucking pussy when I should have just toughened up and accepted that I ruined my life on my own. Thinking about losing them, even Conner was too much to take. “My life is over. I can’t live without her, Conner. You don’t understand how much I love her, how much I love them. What the fuck am I going to do?”
He grabbed my arm and pulled me to the other side of the barn. “I’ll tell ya what you’re goin’ to do. You’re goin’ to stop cryin’ like a fuckin’ baby for starters. Then you’re goin’ to get your ass in that house and tell your wife that because nothin’ happened, you didn’t get the papers. You’re goin’ to tell my sister that you couldn’t go through with it.”
“I can’t lie to her, Man.”
“You need to, because it would be bad enough to hear what you think happened, but to top it off, she would still have to battle that woman for custody without the love and support of her husband by her side. She’s pregnant with twins, in case you haven’t noticed. She needs her husband.”
“She’s going to know.”
Conner shook his head and pushed me. “Ty, you told me that she drugged you. Is that the truth?”
I nodded. “I don’t remember shit. I sure as hell wouldn’t have cheated on my wife. I never would have taken things that far. I swear.” It didn’t matter what Conner believed. I knew the truth.
“As far as you know, nothing happened. You don’t remember it, so how are you lying? Shit, you could have passed out before anything did happen.” He put his hand on my shoulder. “It’s taken me a long time to accept your marriage, but one thing I have always known, was that you loved my sister. Even before you two had somethin’ goin’ there was always somethin’ between you. I don’t believe for one second that you would do any of this on purpose. Miranda is just as at fault for this, but I know she couldn’t handle it. What happened tonight, stays between me and you. Understood?” He shook his head. “Ty, when everyone was ready to turn their back on me, you opened up your home and let me get clean. I owe you my life. Consider this as a payback.”
I looked up at Conner and saw how serious he was. As much as I wanted to die for what had happened, I wanted to be with my family more. I’d promised to not lie to my wife and I hated that I was doing it, but it was about my family, not just me. It was about Izzy, and Jax and Jake. I needed to be their father.
I agreed to never speak of what happened and forget about it. I knew that Conner would always have something on me, but for some reason I felt like it made us closer. If he had my back, then he truly believed that I would never hurt my wife on purpose.
Once we got in the house, I got a shower and threw on some clothes from the laundry room. When I climbed into bed, I just laid there staring at my pregnant wife and I couldn’t help but to break down again.