Right Kind of Wrong(90)

My feelings for Jack only make me weak. I don’t need a man. I’ll never need a man, even a man as great as Jack. Right?

But then I think about all the people in my life that I love. My grandma, my mother, my sisters, Pixie, my cousins. My love for them is pure, and not a weakness at all. And Jack’s love for Drew isn’t a weakness either. In fact, his love for his family was the strength he needed to protect them.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” I say, stepping closer to Ellen.

“Of course.” She dusts her hands off and gives me her full attention.

“Do you think love is something we can control?”

She snorts. “Not at all.”

I frown. “So you don’t think you can talk yourself out of loving someone?”

“Nope.” She inhales deeply. “Love isn’t an obedient whim. It’s an unruly force. And it answers to no one.”

I kick at the ground. “But then how can I ever be an independent woman if love has that kind of control over me?”

She wrinkles her brow in concern then glances upstairs where Jack is probably still sleeping. “Is this about the attractive guy in your room?”

I pucker my lips. “Maybe.”

She nods knowingly. “Choosing to love a man, and letting that man love you back, is the most independent thing a girl can do for herself. No independent person is truly successful on their own.”

“But you’re successful and you’re on your own.”

She smiles sadly. “I’m on my own at the moment. But I wasn’t alone when I made my dreams come true.” She gestures to the inn. “I had a great man who loved me deeply and made me who I am.”

That surprises me. I had no idea Ellen had some epic love story in her past. “So what happened?”

She shrugs and goes back to the shutter. “I was too independent. And yes, there’s such a thing as being too independent.” She swallows. “For years, I tried pushing him away before he could break my heart. And then one day, he let me go. I’ve been free and ‘independent’ ever since.” She looks up at her beautiful inn with a hollow sigh. “But I’ve been lonely as hell.” She looks back at me. “It’s funny. I was so desperate to be on my own, and now that I am, I’m more codependent than ever before. This inn is my lover, if that makes any sense. But the inn can’t encourage me or kiss me. The inn doesn’t care if I hurt or when I cry.” She shakes her head. “I traded one lover for another, and I lost.”

Emotion clogs up my throat as I listen to the mournful tone of her voice. Is that what I’m destined for? Trading Jack in for some fabulous career that might be wildly successful but will never be able to hold me, to argue with me over radio stations?

“You okay, Jenna?” Ellen steps forward.

I blink at her. “I have to go.” Then I turn and race back upstairs to room number four. Ellen was right. Love is an unruly thing and I’ve already been overcome by it.

I just need to be brave and finally say it out loud.

Bursting through the bedroom door, my heart slams into my chest when I realize Jack is gone. He’s nowhere in sight. The bedsheets are rumpled and my bags are still in the corner, but Jack and his beautiful silver eyes have vanished.

Tears burn the back of my eyes as my worst nightmare begins to unfold. Did he leave me? Did he get sick of waiting around for me to come to my senses and call a cab to take him home?

Oh God.

Have I already lost him?

On the verge of a hysterical breakdown, I’m about to hustle back downstairs when I hear the shower turn on in our room’s small bathroom.

My chest heaves in relief as I realize Jack hasn’t left me. And maybe that means he hasn’t yet given up on me. Without thinking, I run into the bathroom and step into the shower with my clothes on.

“Holy shi—” Jack jumps as I climb under the spray in front of him.

“Don’t let me go,” I beg, as water tumbles down my face and clothes. “I know I’m difficult and I’ve put you through hell but I know what I want now. I don’t need a man. I want one—and only one.” Swallowing all my fears, I say, “I am hopelessly ridiculously in love with you, Jack. I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU.

“Please don’t give up on me,” I say, searching his eyes. “Don’t let me push you away. I want to do this—this thing between us. I want to give it a shot. Even if that means I become some bumbling girl of mush who watches romantic comedies and cries every time she has sex with her man. I don’t care.” I shake my head, water flinging off of my eyelashes and nose. “I love you, Jack.”