Rich People Problems (Crazy Rich Asians #3)(162)

"Fuck! Where are my swim trunks?" Charlie scrambled around, trying to find them. "You didn't tell me there could be tourists."

"Of course-this is one of the most popular attractions in Palawan!" Astrid giggled at the sight of Charlie rushing around naked on the beach, trying to find his trunks.

"Oy, mate! You looking for these?" an Aussie surfer shouted from the other side of the lagoon, holding up Charlie's blue-and-white trunks.

"Yes, thanks!" Astrid shouted back. She turned to Charlie, who was hiding behind a palm tree, still laughing. "Oh, come on out! You have nothing to be ashamed of!"

···

"You really have changed. I don't know if the Astrid I knew would ever want to make love spontaneously in a lagoon or walk around naked on a beach in front of a bunch of Australian tourists," Charlie said as they sat having lunch on the terrace of Astrid's spectacular white villa perched on the hilltop of her private island. 

"You know, it might sound cliché, but getting away from it all has been a transformative experience for me. I've realized that so many of my fears aren't really my own. They're the fears of my mother, my father, my grandparents. I've just unconsciously internalized them, and I've let these fears affect every decision I make. So a few people see me naked on a secluded beach in one of the remotest places on earth. Who cares? I'm proud of my body, I have nothing to hide. But of course, some voice in my head would automatically say, 'Astrid, put some clothes on. It's not proper. You're a Leong, and you're going to disgrace the family.' And I realize that most of the time it's my mother's disapproving voice I hear."

"Your mother has always driven you half crazy," Charlie said as he piled another big helping of guinataang sugpo over his garlic rice.*

"I know, and it's not all her fault. She said some terrible things to me, but I've already forgiven her. She's damaged herself-look, this was a woman that was born during World War II, in the midst of the most unimaginable horrors occurring in Singapore. How could she not have internalized all the experiences of my grandparents? My grandfather was imprisoned by the Japanese and barely escaped the firing squad, my grandmother was covertly helping to organize resistance efforts while being a new mother and trying not to get killed herself."

Charlie nodded. "My mother's entire childhood was spent at the Endau concentration camp in Malaysia. Her family was forced to grow all their own food, and they almost starved to death. I'm sure that's why my mother is the way she is now. She makes her cook save money by buying the discounted, three-day-old bread from the supermarket, but she'll spend $30,000 on plastic surgery for her pet fish. It's completely irrational."

Astrid looked out onto the view of the peaceful cove below the terrace. "Scientists talk about how we inherit health issues from our parents through our genes, but we also inherit this entire lineage of fear and pain-generations of it. I can acknowledge whenever my mother is reacting out of this fear, but the most powerful thing I've realized is that I'm not responsible for her pain. I won't make her fears mine any longer and I don't want to pass them on to my son!"

Charlie stared at Astrid, pondering her words. "I like everything you're saying, but I gotta ask-who are you? It's like you're speaking in a whole new language."

Astrid smiled enigmatically. "I have to confess, I've been here for the past five weeks but I haven't been here alone. When I left Singapore, I went to Paris first and saw my friend Grégoire. He told me about a friend of his who was living in Palawan. That's really why I came here. I had no intention of being anywhere near Asia-I was on my way to Morocco, to a place I know in the Atlas Mountains. But Grégoire really encouraged me to see his friend."

"Who is this person?"

"Her name is Simone-Christine de Ayala."

"Is she related to Pedro Paulo and Evangeline in Hong Kong?"

"Turns out they are cousins-it's a big family. Anyway, I'm not quite sure how to describe her. Some people call her an energy worker or a healer. To me she's just a very wise soul, and she has a beautiful home on a neighboring island. We've met up almost every day since I got here and had these amazing talks. She's led me through these guided meditations that have led to some incredible breakthroughs."



       
         
       
        

"Like what?" Charlie asked, suddenly getting worried that Astrid was under the influence of some quack guru.