The years passed and my love for Troy grew. It was as though the moon and stars aligned. Everything with Troy made sense, and I wanted so badly to feel his lips on mine and to feel the softness of his hands on my body. I wanted more, so much more, but my promise to make Will proud stopped us from getting to that point. Our parents' death and his rejection to play pro soccer were still raw. Troy and I made a promise to each other that the day I graduated from U of M we'd come clean and ask for Will's blessing.
That day never came. Instead, life gave us a surprising turn and it wasn't ever going to be the same.
He let me go.
He never contacted me.
I meant nothing to him and he meant the world to me.
When Shawn and I started getting closer I never saw Troy. He'd make up excuses and I couldn't fight to get him to come around because Will kept pushing me towards Shawn. One day I gave up and hid my pain and I hid it well. You couldn't break my broken heart anymore. I destroyed the chance of being with Troy. The jolt of pain hit me hard and it took a while for me to recover. I could never explain the power he had over me. The air was easier to breathe next to him. Everything around me made perfect sense. My world aligned perfectly with his and it was the most natural feeling when it came to Troy Harding.
Every Saturday I'd visit my parents' grave. I'd sit in front of their tombstones and talk about school, Troy, Will, and Shawn. The burning in my chest when I think about them has never gone away. How can you let go of the pain from losing your parents? I dream about them almost every night and wake up in a pool of sweat. During the day, and sometimes at night, I'll remember the dreams, and tears will fill my eyes. I remember how much my mom loved to cook Sunday breakfast for us, and how my dad wrapped his arms around her and whispered how much he loved her.
They were high school sweethearts, from freshmen year until the day they passed away. The love between my parents was so strong and so wonderful. It was a sight to see. When we were younger, Will and I would wake up in the middle of the night to music playing in the living room. We'd take each other's hand and watch from the stairs while our parents danced to Endless Love by Diana Ross and Lionel Richie. Their love was so pure and perfect. They never argued and I always felt their love. I wanted their love, and I wanted it with Troy. But life has a funny way of changing your path in life.
My phone vibrates on the nightstand and when I grab my phone, I immediately drop it on the bed. Inhaling a quivering breath, I close my eyes and count to ten. I repeat this a few more times before opening my eyes. My bottom lip shakes and my hands tremble. I look at my phone again and read his message.
Shawn: Did you make it okay?
Me: Yes, I did . . . How are you doing?
Shawn: Good, I'm glad . . . Night, Charlotte.
Me: Night, Shawn.
I don't text him more and respect the fact that he needs time to be okay. I hope he hasn't told Will about us. I want to be the one to tell him and explain what happened. Turning over on my side, I slide my hands under the pillow and close my eyes, thinking about tomorrow and what I'll have to face.
The next morning, I wake up and head downstairs, hoping to find Troy so we can talk. Between last night and now, he needs to understand why I'm here and hopefully he can slowly let go of the past.
I'm in love with Troy and have always been in love. When you find your soulmate, you do everything you can to get the one person who makes your world move and puts a smile on your face. The connection you have with that one person is so fierce it consumes you and pushes you to the edge of desire.
Passing by the living room a framed picture catches my eye. I pick up the simple black framed picture and look at it. He has an arm around her waist and is smiling without showing his teeth. She's beaming, and he looks okay. I put down the picture and walk around his living room. There are pictures of him and his parents, Cora and Michael, and pictures of him and Will. Turning to look at the other wall I notice a picture and I'm taken aback. Stepping closer I see it's a picture of us from the day I graduated. He's smiling, showing his teeth, and holding me with both arms. We're hugging in the picture and I remember how much I loved him, and wished I had the balls to tell him. God, I was such an idiot back then. I should've stood up to Will and told him about Troy. I should've done so much more.
"Morning." The husky, deep voice brings me back to the present. Turning around to see Troy, an instant frown appears on my face when I see a girl standing next to him. "Did you sleep well?" He eyes me.
"Good morning," I answer. "I did sleep well. Thank you again for last night. I appreciate it." He nods and I turn my attention to the woman standing next to him. "Hi, I'm Charlotte Maxey. Will's sister, and Troy's best friend." I notice the smirk on his face.
"Hi," she flatly says, eyeing me. "I'm Andrea Ramos. His girlfriend."
Sweetly I smile and walk over to them. "So nice to meet you. Excuse me, please." Walking into his kitchen, I hear her whisper and inside I'm throwing my arms in the air. I know I'm hot, and I'm confident. I'll give her a few points. She's absolutely gorgeous, fit, and is his girlfriend. Only I wonder how serious they are or how long they've been together.
Turning around, I jump on the island, hanging my legs, and look in Andrea's direction. "So, tell me more about yourself. I'm moving to Rochester and would love to get to know you. All I know is you're a supermodel and dating Troy."
"Ah," she starts to say and leans against the counter, facing me, with her hands cupped together. "Yeah, I've been modeling since I was ten years old. Grew up in New York City and came here to visit one weekend. Met Troy, we started dating, and I'm in-between Rochester and NYC."
"I love the city! I bet you have a penthouse and everything."
"Well, I live in a model house with other models, but usually, I'm in hotels paid for by the agency, or traveling. Troy and I were talking about moving to the city."
I hear Troy huff and not respond. Looking over my shoulder, I see him walking outside and taking a seat by the pool.
"So you and Troy have been together for a while," I ask, turning my attention back to Andrea.
"About two years."
"That's cute." Hopping off the island, I open his fridge to find ingredients to make a breakfast smoothie. "Do you want me to make you a smoothie?"
"No, it's okay. I'll ask Troy." I watch her walk outside to talk to him. There's tension and bad vibes coming from them. He's not relaxed like he used to be. Last night when we talked, he wasn't so moody, I guess. He's always been a complex man and even now, I'm sure he's guarded. I've always been able to read him and years apart hasn't changed that ability. He's confused as to why I'm here and soon he'll know.
"You know what," she marches inside with a pissed off look on her face. Troy's right behind her and I have no idea if I should get popcorn ready to watch this fight or stand back and giggle on the inside. "Never fucking mind. I don't get your attitude this morning. I'm leaving for six weeks," she yells. This is too good. Thank goodness I'm up. This woman has no shame. I'm surprised Troy's with someone like her. He hates complications and drama, yet she seems to be all about that.
"Excuse me, Charlotte. Can you give us a moment please? As you can tell, we're trying to have a conversation."
I hear the annoyance in her voice and turn around with a sad smile. "Oh sure," I wave my hand. "I'll be outside enjoying the sun. You two talk it out." I smirk and skip outside.
Walking outside, I rest on the chair. It's so beautiful out today. The sun's out and the skies are clear. Taking off my dress, I toss it to the side and lie down on the black chaise. I've never been ashamed of my body. I work hard to keep it tight. I eat right and work out every day. Stretching my arms over my head, I smile and think about last night. The memories between us are so strong. We have unfinished business and as soon as Andrea is gone we're going to deal with it. No more skirting around the issues. I worked hard to make myself who I am today. The confidence, my brain, my body, and my personality all represent a strong woman. I am strong because I want to be. I didn't change for Troy or any other man. Everything I did to get where I am is because of my own strength and courage.
A woman should never change herself to get a man's attention. She needs to work hard for herself, and sometimes getting his attention motivates, but it should never be the primary reason. A woman needs to know her worth before she can make someone happy. Love yourself first, then you can freely give love.
My phone rings and I grab it to see who's texting.
Jessica: Hey babe. Make it okay? I didn't hear from you last night.
I'm missing my best friend. I hate leaving her especially since she's planning her wedding and I'm the Maid of Honor. When things settle down, I'll go back for a weekend and help get things done. I can do a lot of planning and helping online and via Skype. It'll work out. I'll be there for my best friend and her special day.