"After breakfast want to head out on the boat?"
"Oh, yeah! I love that idea."
"Go get your things ready. We'll head out to Canandaigua and spend the day out. Looks like we both need a day to relax and have fun."
"Who else is going?"
"Troy, our friends, Sal and Carter, and Carter's wife, Jane. You'll like her a lot. She's excited to meet you," he laughs. "I guess another female is needed."
"Sounds good." That bastard lied to me. I head upstairs to put my bikini on and change into a dress so it'll be easier once we're on the boat. I smile when I think about today.
My parents used to take us out on the ocean at our summer home in Florida. Each time we'd go and spend a month there- it was amazing. My dad was captain and Mom always made sure we had our sun block on and made us lunches. A tear slowly runs down my cheek when I think about them. It's been so long, but you can never replace the sadness or forget about the pain and loss of not having your parents in your life. Each special moment they're missing because instead of being by your side, they're in heaven watching over you.
Drying my tears, I look at the framed picture of my parents, Will and I, and kiss it. "I love you guys," I whisper before heading downstairs to Will's car.
When we make it out to the boat, Troy's over in the corner with either Sal or Carter getting the cooler ready. A beautiful woman comes up with the biggest smile on her face.
"You must be Charlotte." She says and gives me a hug. "I'm Jane. So good to meet you. Your brother is so much happier now that you're here."
"Good to meet you too! Yeah things are going really well."
"I'm glad. Come over and meet my husband." I follow her and make sure Troy knows I'm here too. Jane introduces me to her husband, Carter, who is insanely hot with his tan body and lickable six pack. My goodness. My brother sure has hot friends.
"Awesome meeting you, Charlotte," Carter says. "Jane's excited to finally have another girl in the group. How are you liking Rochester?"
I shrug. "It's okay. I mean, I love being back and closer to my brother."
We make small talk and I keep my back to Troy. I know this is one of his biggest pet peeves and internally I'm fist pumping the air. He's close to me, listening as I talk to Carter and Jane.
"Excuse us, Charlotte." Jane says and takes Carter over to Will and Sal, leaving me and Troy alone.
"I didn't know you were coming."
"I thought you didn't know if you had plans," I tell him and take off my dress, tossing it over on the bench. "Excuse me while I lie under the sun. It's too beautiful of a day to stand around."
Carefully lying down, face down, I rest my head on my forearm and close my eyes. I love being out on the water and on the boat. I think about my parents again and slowly smile. They'd be proud of us. If Mom was here now she'd make some remarks about my bikini and make me change. God, I miss her.
"Charlotte," Troy says before he sits down on the floor. His head is near mine, almost resting on my arms too. Opening my eyes, I nearly gasp at the sight of his firm body. This man is pure perfection. I'll never grow tired of seeing his bare chest. My heart races when I think about his package and how well he can move with it. Seriously, the way my mind is working I might as well jump him now in front of everyone and have my way since he's not making any moves.
"I don't know how to act around you. We're not who we were anymore. Things are different."
I take off my sunglasses so he can see my eyes. Only, he can't. His head is slightly low and he's not looking at me. I wait for him to say more.
"Things are complicated. I know I've been treating you harshly. I don't know how to act around you and things are complicated."
"You said that already."
"Well, it's something you need to know and understand. We aren't kids anymore, Charlotte. We can be friends and hang out. I like you around."
"But?"
"But we'll never be together like before."
His words cut deep. It hurts to hear him say these things to me. I can't tell if he's being serious or pushing me away because he's afraid. I can't read him like before. We stay in silence. I don't know how to respond or what he wants me to say. Will calls for us to come over and when he looks at me, I have to look away. I hear him get up and then he presses his hand on my shoulder. Yearning for more of his touch I place my hand on his and he moves away quickly. The words play in my head. Maybe he's right. As much as I want to be here with Will, coming back and thinking Troy will open his arms to me and we'll have our happily ever after is now a joke. Maybe it's time I accept it and move on. It makes sense. I wipe away a tear and put on my sunglasses again.
When we get home I go straight to my bedroom, shower, and get in bed wearing a tank top and my cute black boy shorts. I feel like I need to do something different and take a chance. No matter what I do, Troy won't change his mind. I can't wait around for him and I certainly will not beg him. Maybe I'm confusing my feelings for Troy for something different. He's my first love and someone I feel one hundred percent safe with. Maybe since he's my comfort zone, in my head, I'm thinking I should be with him.
I'm young and there's nothing tying me down so I should live a little and forget about the past. What's done is done, and there's not much more I can do. Honestly I've done almost everything possible to show Troy how I feel about him. He said what he said to me and it's how he feels. I'm taking that as a breakup and moving on with my life. I've wasted too many years pining for someone who obviously doesn't want me. He may feel the way I do, but his love for me isn't strong enough to fight and I need someone to fight and make love worth it.
Needing to vent and get advice I text Jessica about what happened today.
Jessica: If he's saying that, then maybe you should move on.
Me: It's hard . . . I didn't think he would have said that, but whatever I'm over it.
I'm not.
Jessica: Good girl! Remember what I told you. If a man loves you and wants you, he'll show it and not push you away. Games are for BOYS. You need a manly man.
Me: So online dating is a plus?
Jessica: Girl it's the new age thing to do. Don't get all crazy and start having sex with random men. Use your head and use it wisely.
Me: I'll send you their pix for approval.
Jessica: You better!
Looking at some options, I select a free dating site to scope it out and see what guys are around. I know ‘free' might mean creepy guys, but I'm experimenting. Finding one that doesn't sound too sexual, I click on the link and laugh at the welcome logo.
Welcome to Plenty of Meets. Looking for a date? Your soulmate? Or someone to casually see on nights you need that little relief? This is where you need to be.
I can't even right now. This is what dating has come to? Rolling my eyes, I sign up for it and think about what I can write about myself. How can people come up with what to add to their profile? Uploading a cute selfie, I use it as my profile picture and add a few more so guys will think I'm real. Going through the pictures and uploading five, I move onto the section where I can tell guys about myself. I decide to keep it simple.
Name: Charlotte
Age: 23 years old
Location: Rochester, NY
Hobbies: Reading, being active outside, hanging out with family and friends, fitness and shopping addict.
Ideal first date: Dinner and a walk in the park or beach. Something simple so we can get to know each other.
What are you looking for? Looking to have fun and meet people. Not interested in hooking up so if that's what you're looking for then you can move on.
I finish my profile and start looking. Scrolling through the guys online, I find a few, but after reading their profile I move on. Some are cute, and some are weird looking. I'm so desperate for anyone to get my mind off Troy. The envelope flashes and when I check to see what messages I have, I about fall off my chair.
Mark: Damn, girl you are so hot.
Eric: Feel like hitting up for some fun tonight?
Hugh: I'd like you to meet my best friend.
*dick picture*
"Ahhhhh," I scream and quickly exit out. "Seriously?" I cannot believe he sent me a picture of his dick and it's so ugly! If women are expected to shave and wax, then guys should do the same. It's a jungle and his penis is the ugly hunter looking for his next victim. I'm so grossed out. More messages come in and these guys are all asking the same thing.
I delete more than twenty before giving up tonight. Putting my phone on my nightstand I pull the covers over my head and fall asleep hoping tomorrow will be a better day to find someone to meet.
Chapter 14
Charlotte
Waking up, I log into my profile and see the messages. "Whoa," I mutter. In eight hours I have over thirty messages.
Reed: Hi. I'm new to this and I'm not sure if I'm doing this right lol. I'm Reed and I'm from Victor, originally from Texas. I work at an IT firm and recently got out of a relationship. My friends think this is something I should do. Me? Who knows. Life is too short, huh?