Scrolling through my phone, I find Maxine's name and see if she's in town. We went on a few dates and she's always fun to be with. Nothing's ever happened between us, but maybe tonight I'm willing to bend my rules and give in to an innocent night of pure pleasure.
Me: Are you in town?
Maxine: Well, if it isn't Troy Harding. Of course I am, dollface ;)
Me: Dinner tonight. I'll pick you up at 7.
Maxine: I can't wait.
Maxine's what I need tonight. I can picture her long blonde hair spread over the bed with her legs wrapped around me screaming for more. Yeah she'll make it better for me.
Dinner goes by without any issues or afterthought. I'm bored to death listening to her talk about herself and modeling, though. If I hear about another designer who ripped off another designer, and this model is doing drugs while the other model is screwing the photographer, I might just jump into oncoming traffic.
"Enough, Maxine," I tell her as I sign the bill.
"What," she innocently responds. "I thought you loved listening to me."
"I do, but I have other ideas. Let's go."
"Are we going back to your place," she eagerly asks, and I have to force myself not to roll my eyes. "I haven't been over in so long. Maybe we can get breakfast tomorrow morning. I've missed you so much. I can't wait to feel you," she leans in and whispers in my ear. "I want your hard cock so bad."
"Maybe another time."
"Well, I won't be back from Milan for another eight weeks."
"Then we'll get together then." My tone is clipped and I want more than anything to get away from her. Usually, dirty talk gets me going, but my cock isn't interested and I'm bored out of my mind.
"You know what, Troy?" I turn to face her as we wait for my car. "You're an asshole. I mean, you're the one who asked me out and you didn't even talk to me during dinner."
"How can I when you kept going on and on about yourself."
"Well, whatever," she brushes off my comment. "What the hell do you want?"
"To see you, Maxine. It's been a while."
"Oh bullshit. I'm done. This is the last time you see me, Troy. I hope you choke and die."
"Okay . . . that's harsh and childish." I do my best to hold in my laughter. "Stop being dramatic."
"Whatever. I'm out. Deuces asshole."
Deuces? I roll my eyes and tip the valet for getting my car. Mentally reminding myself to never ask Maxine out . . . ever again.
Chapter 12
Troy
Looking at the meal plan template in front of me, I realize it's been over thirty minutes since I've typed anything. Charlotte's been on my mind and it's messing with me and my concentration. It's funny how the thought of her pushes me back and I lose focus. My body is tense and my grip on my wireless mouse tightens. Any thought towards work I have flies from my head and it's replaced with Charlotte naked and tied to my bed. Her glorious body waiting for me to ravage and take as mine.
Always mine.
I hear the door open and see Jane walk in. The smile on her face radiates and puts a smile on mine.
"What's up?"
"Just wanted to swing by and see what's going on with you. Haven't seen you come by lately. Princess Avery misses you. Things been busy?"
"You can say that." I shut down my laptop and get up to grab two beers from the mini fridge. Handing her one, I sit back down on my couch and drink.
"Something's wrong." I don't answer. Talking about my feelings isn't something I'm used to doing. I don't have heart-to-heart conversations. I'm not the type of guy who will sit and talk about his feelings and cry over why life isn't fair. I accept what it is and move on. Jane knows me and she knows when to push and back off. Right now, I'm not sure what I want her to do.
"Do you want to talk?"
Apparently, I do.
I tell her about Charlotte coming back and how she first got here. Jane listens, nods, smiles, and doesn't say anything. She knows about my past with Charlotte and how long I've loved her.
"What do you think she's feeling?"
"I don't know." And that's the truth. She's here because of a bad breakup and she wants to be back. I'm not sure if she's interested in me or feels the same as I do. I intend to find out with time.
Jane's hand rests on mine and her look softens. "You've never been like this. In all the years I've known you, you've never had this expression. I saw you with Andrea and knew she was going to screw you over. You never wanted to fall in love, but hearing how much you love her and want her, it's the best kind of love story. Carter and I have been talking. He thinks you need to talk to Will first and I think you need to take matters in your own hands and talk to her. You never know how long she'll be around. Carter has a little crush on her too," she jokes and nudges my shoulder. "We want you happy, honey. And Princess Avery will want the same."
"It doesn't matter. She has no idea how badly she hurt me and it's not something I want to talk to her about. Talking about it means feeling it again. I feel weak when I think about it. I've worked my ass off to be where I am today and I don't intend on going backwards and being that naïve idiot thinking love will conquer all. Fuck that shit." I lean my head back and look at Jane. "I don't want to be a mess again. This is who I have to be."
"You have this stone wall around your heart. I see the pain you hide, and the young and carefree self you want to let out. I know the history between you and Charlotte, and now that she's back, what are you going to do about it? You're acting hot and cold and seriously it's going to get hold and you might lose her for good. She's a beautiful girl and I don't think she's going to wait around and play this game with you."
I don't respond. I have no idea what to do or what she wants. The chemistry and heat between us is still the same. Having her under my roof and by my side feels good. She feels good with me, only she can't be mine. I'm going to do everything I can to make sure of that. It's easy for me to shut down my feelings. You never know the extent of the feelings you have until you've experienced loss and heartbreak. You never want to feel that again, so you block out anything that can trigger those emotions.
"You want to love as much as she does."
I pull away and she knows the boundaries have been crossed. She's pushed me and I don't want to talk anymore.
"Why don't I make you something to eat and we drink more beer? Sound good?"
I nod and we head out of my office and into the kitchen. I grab a few more beers out and set them on the island. Jane goes to work and makes us lunch. I listen to her talk about Avery and planning her first birthday.
"If you need help with anything, let me know."
"Of course we will."
We talk for a little more. Jane's phone buzzes and she rolls her eyes. "I gotta get going. I guess little Avery has a little accident and Carter's about to pass out. You be good, okay?"
"Okay."
"You got this," she pats my thigh and gives me a smile before leaving.
The wall around my heart is to protect me. I put myself in relationships after Charlotte left because I was looking for her in those women. Some of them made sense in my life, but I never wanted more. The women made things a little easier. I always had someone to be with, and in many ways, trust. Even though I didn't let them all the way in, they were part of my life.
Deciding to take a little break, I sit on the couch, turn on the TV, and lay down. I didn't realize how tired I was until my head hit the pillow. The remote falls from my hand quickly after as I fall asleep. When I close my eyes I see Charlotte and her sweet, innocent smile.
Waking up, I look around the living room. I've been asleep for a few hours and need to get up. Making my way to the kitchen, I notice how clean it is and then I hear a splash from outside. I look out the window and see Charlotte in the pool. Why did she clean my kitchen? Why is she here?
I grab a K-cup and pop it in my Keurig and press brew. I wait for my coffee to be done while standing in my kitchen watching her. I finish the cup off too fast for my liking and then place the mug in the sink and head outside. Charlotte finishes her swim and reaches the side of the pool, lifting herself up. Fuck. Me. She's in the tiniest black bikini and the butterfly tattoo on her hip bone is screaming for my tongue. The beads of water shimmering in the light slowly travel down her sun-kissed skin. My God, she's beautiful.
"Hey!" She smiles and grabs a towel from the chair. "Did you have someone over today? Your kitchen was messy. You looked so tired I didn't want to wake you. Since I love your pool and love to swim, I thought it would be a fair trade to clean your kitchen."
"I don't need a maid, Charlotte. You didn't have to do that. And Will has a pool. Why don't you use his?"
"I'm sorry to bother you. I was around and wanted to come over and see what you were doing."