Revenge of the Wrought-Iron Flamingos(18)

„Don't be silly,“ she said. „I'll pick them up at your booth later.“

„What's the deal with the flamingos, anyway?“ Michael asked.

„Mrs. Fenniman commissioned me to make a dozen wrought-iron lawn flamingos,“ I said.

„Okay,“ he said, in a tone that suggested he was hoping for a slightly more detailed explanation. With my family, there usually was a more detailed explanation, although he hadn't yet realized that sometimes he was better off not hearing it.

„It's to get back at the damned yard Nazis,“ Mrs. Fenniman said.

„She means the landscaping subcommittee of the Visual Enhancement and Aesthetics Committee of the neighborhood association.“

„Whatever they call themselves,“ Mrs. Fenniman fumed. „Bunch of meddling busybodies if you ask me. What business is it of theirs what I have on my lawn? I own the place, don't I?“

„They passed a rule outlawing plastic lawn ornaments,“ I explained. „Mrs. Fenniman feels they were targeting her plastic flamingo herd.“

„I know they were,“ she said. „I've filed suit to have the rule overturned, but meanwhile they've gotten an injunction against my flamingos. And that damned idiot of a sheriff is backing them.“

„So you're escalating to wrought-iron flamingos?“ Michael asked.

„The rule specifically permits both iron and stone ornaments,“ she said. „So it doesn't matter how much they hate 'em; they won't have a leg to stand on. Speaking of legs: you figured out a way to anchor them? I wouldn't put it past the yard police to steal them.“

„Each one has a base,“ I said. „If you want to set them on the ground, they'll stand up just fine. If you want them anchored, all you have to do is set the base in concrete, and they'd need a backhoe to steal them.“

„But are they pink enough? They have to be bright, bright pink.“

„The enamel matches the last sample I showed you,“ I said. „I'm not sure it's possible to make them any brighter than that. As it is, they glow in the dark.“

„Really?“ Mrs. Fenniman said, brightening. „That's outstanding! The plastic ones never did that.“

„You don't mean mat literally,“ Michael said.

„Just wait and see,“ I said.

„I'll come by your booth tomorrow to pick them up, then,“ Mrs. Fenniman said.

„Just bring your checkbook,“ I said.

„Pink, glow-in-the-dark flamingos,“ Michael mused, as Mrs. Fenniman stumped off, raising a cloud of dust in her wake as her long skirts trailed on the ground.

„I just hope she comes by early, before there's much of a crowd,“ I said. „I do not want a whole lot of people to see the damned things.“

„Are they that bad?“

„Wait till you see them, gently glowing in the twilight,“ I said. „Or maybe not so gently. They rather remind me of the special effects they use in bad sci-fi movies to indicate lethal levels of radiation.“

„They sound perfectly charming to me,“ Michael said. „I bet you could sell a lot of those.“

„Quite apart from being glaring anachronisms, they're perfectly hideous, and I have no intention of selling a single one after Mrs. Fenniman claims her collection,“ I said. „It's hard enough for a woman to get people to take her seriously as a blacksmith; the last thing I want is for people to start thinking of me as that lady blacksmith who makes those cute pink flamingos.“

In the distance, we could see Mrs. Fenniman, haranguing people and shoving campaign flyers into their hands.

„Odd,“ I said. „On her, that outfit makes me think more of Salem than Yorktown.“

„Or the Wicked Witch of the West,“ Michael said, as we resumed walking. „I keep looking over my shoulder for falling farmhouses. So is that why she's running for sheriff? Because they outlawed her flamingos?“

„Yes,“ I said. „That and the fact that she thinks the incumbent sheriff is an incompetent fool and it's time for a change.“

„Well, she may have a point there,“ Michael said. „But does Mrs. Fenniman have any relevant experience?“

„According to her, after raising two children and keeping her no-good rascal of a husband in line for forty-five years, policing the county should be a piece of cake.“

„And what do the county voters think about that?“

„The sheriff's running scared,“ I said. „His campaign platform seems to be that he's hired a new deputy with big-city police experience and we don't need a new sheriff.“

„So who's your mother's family supporting?“ Michael said, showing his keen grasp of the realities of small town politics.