“I miss you, too,” he confesses softly. “Soon, Jude, soon,” he promises, “we’ll have tonight together. Just you and me. All of tonight.”
“We will,” I echo, grateful he cannot possibly see the expression of pain that crosses my face, one which I refuse to let him hear. Our last night together. I can feel it. Tomorrow he’ll be gone, and I’ll be dead.
I can hear voices behind him. Demanding, petulant voices. I know who they are and what they want—they want him with them. They want him to hang up on me, and spend this time with them. If they only knew that soon they’ll have more of his time than they can possibly imagine—well, they still wouldn’t care, and they’d still interrupt us. Bastards.
“Jude, I’m so sorry…”
“Shhh, don’t be.” A pause, a heartbeat in time. “Go on,” I urge him, “it’s okay, really, don’t worry about it…”
“Come back soon, I need you…”
“I will,” I promise. “Just as soon as I can, believe me. I need you, too. I love you…”
“I love you, too.” And then the phone goes dead. Probably snatched out of his hand by one of the petulant princesses. I close my own, and sigh.
So, how do I propose to fill the rest of this overly long afternoon?
Driving, driving, and more driving…
Chapter Thirty-Six: Thomas
Everything’s happening so quickly. It feels all wrong. I don’t understand. It’s too soon for this, why is it happening this way?
Last night was just wrong. I felt bad for Judas, and I’d’ve helped him if I could’ve. But it all happened so fast. And then he ran off before I could do anything. I ran after him, to see if he was hurt very badly. I know that had to hurt.
But when I saw Mary M taking him to her car, I just let him be. I guess they don’t really hate each other, I don’t know. I’m glad. She’s nice, and they should get along. There’s no reason they shouldn’t.
Today, she’s arranged for us to spend time with Jesus. It’s hard to see him like this, but it could be worse. I remember worse places he’s been. He hasn’t been beaten, that’s a good thing. She takes us into his cell in two’s. She said that’s the Sheriff’s idea. The rest of us talk amongst ourselves, play on our cell phones or whatever. We’re all excited about tonight, about the chance to play with Mary M.
That’s a once in a lifetime opportunity. This is definitely the best incarnation that ever was. But it’s also the saddest. I can’t explain it.
I know Judas ended up sleeping out by the pond last night. I thought about going out to him, but I didn’t think he’d like that. He’s got a really nasty looking bruise today. No one will admit to doing it, and I didn’t see who threw the bottle. I wish I had. I hope whoever did it is ashamed of himself, but I doubt it.
Mary M said tonight we can use real flashing lights, she’s made the arrangements. It’s so exciting. Tomorrow, some judge is coming, and we’ll get to take Jesus with us. That’ll be good. I don’t know for how long, but we need him to be back with us for as long as we can.
I just had a thought. If we feel that bad about losing him, then how bad must Judas feel? I saw them together, just before Judas left with Mary. I knew it, I said it before—Judas totally loves Jesus, and Jesus loves him back. That’s just gotta hurt, right? This has to be what they call a “lose-lose” situation. For everyone.
Chapter Thirty-Seven: Jesus
Today’s the last day I shall spend with them, my beloved disciples. The last one for a long time. I know the routine, of course. In a matter of years, once they’ve each lived out their lives, we’ll reassemble for the next coming. A new time, a new place. Perhaps different issues, perhaps the same, depending upon what’s needed, and what changes have occurred in the interim. Assuming anything does change. I try to remain optimistic in man’s ability to learn from his mistakes.
In the meantime, I’ll return to my father’s house, spend time with him, and concentrate on watching Judas be happy. To see him live out his life will make everything I do worth the sacrifice. That is the price I’m willing to pay for him.
I’m grateful to Sheriff Kaplan for allowing this day to be, and to his kind and lovely wife for speaking to him on my behalf, and to Mary M for organizing everything so efficiently. To Jude, for his patience in allowing me this time with the others, even though it detracts from our own time together. And to my mother, for taking the time to be with him for my sake. The only thing that sustains me during this day is the thought Judas and I still have tonight, and I’m determined this will be a most memorable night for us, as much as I can make it so, although I’m limited in what I can do from here. I don’t think it matters what we do, though, just being together will be enough for me. I pray it is for him as well.