It’s my mother that comes up with the perfect solution. I can always count on her when the chips are down, she understands me only too well. “Joshua,” she says softly, “would you mind if I borrowed Judas for a little bit? Mary and the boys can keep you company, I’m sure they won’t mind.”
My eyes meet Judas’, above my mother’s head. He looks as surprised as I am, so whatever she has or hasn’t planned, he isn’t privy to it. And he can clearly see neither am I.
Her next words are for Mary M, as if they are now co-conspirators in this unknown plot. “What time will you and the boys need to be getting ready for the benefit?”
“Let me think.” Mary deliberates for a quick moment. “I think we should leave here no later than about five, do a quick sound check. You’re basically set up still, aren’t you?” She turns to her new band next, drawing them into her plans. They’re more than eager to do as she wishes. How I do love her for that, for making them happy in this way, making them feel a part of things. I just wish… Never mind what I wish, it isn’t likely to come to pass. They all nod at her, assuring her they’re ready whenever she is. They’re obviously quite excited at the prospect of being involved in one of her concerts.
“We should be back just after five then,” Mother finishes, and it’s clear to me what she’s doing—she’s allowing me my time with Mary M and the other apostles, and keeping Judas safe from harm, for my sake. I breathe a very big sigh of relief, and again I seek Judas’ eyes, begging him to accept these terms, for me. Happily, he’s as pleased with the arrangements as I am. Even more so. What can he be thinking? My mind runs over various possibilities before it hits on the right one.
The obvious one. Every single one of them is going to be at Mary’s concert tonight. Except for Judas. Which means…he and I have the whole night to ourselves. Relatively speaking, of course, while within the confines of the jail, and in the presence of the jailer. But even so, my happiness knows no bounds. To spend my last night on earth with Judas is the greatest gift I could’ve asked for.
Thank you, Father, I say a silent prayer.
They’re leaving now, heading toward the door, to run the gauntlet of the members of C.O.C.K. who are still picketing without. But no, not yet, my heart protests. I catch the sleeve of his jacket, tug on it gently, and when he turns back toward me, I give him something to hold him until we see one another again. And I don’t care how much the boys catcall or make noises at us. I love Judas and I’m not ashamed to show it. By the time I release him, we’re both smiling, and that’s the image I hold on to for the rest of the day.
Chapter Thirty-Four: Mary
This is the hardest part of our time here. The end. I know it’s coming, but I try not to think about it. It would be hard for any mother to know she’s about to lose her son, no matter how she lost him. That doesn’t mean my burden is any greater than any other mother’s, not even because I’ve lost him so many times before. I never really get used to it, either. I don’t think any woman would, but at least I do understand the necessity. That doesn’t mean I like it any better for knowing the reason why.
One thing I’m happy about this time is that Jesus is so happy. Not that he was unhappy before, but this is different. He’s truly learned the meaning of love in a way he was never aware of before. That also makes it harder for him to leave this world—and Judas—behind. Even knowing they’ll see one another there isn’t the same as being together here. They deserve to have more time. I only wish they could. I’m sad for both of them. Life is never easy, is it? I’ve prayed for them, a great deal. Prayed they both find the strength to do what must be done, and the wisdom to see the best course of action. I want them to spend as much time together as possible. The only reason I’ve taken Judas away for now is to keep him apart from the other apostles, not to keep him away from Jesus. They’ll have their time tonight, this I know. In the meantime, he is good company. I’ve always liked him.
Judas is a good boy, despite what some think. He’s just very misunderstood.
Part of that is his fault, I know. He doesn’t make it easy for anyone to get to know him, not really. He’s been put into a very difficult position, and because of that, he’s gotten a very bad reputation, undeserved. He’s always been very kind to me, but his relations with the others have always been rather rocky. I have to admit, I do like to tease him about Jesus just to make him blush. It’s just too cute for words.