Brett released me and placed a soft peck on my forehead. Undressing me, he kissed every inch of skin that was revealed to him. It was so sensual, it felt like he was kissing my soul.
By the time he put me in the bathtub, I was a pile of mush. Relaxed and no longer rattled from Claire and Diane showing up not too long ago.
He grabbed a washcloth and ran it over my back. “It scares the shit out of me, knowing that this baby could be mine.” His breath caught. “I worry that if it is, you’ll leave me.”
My eyes widened. “I would never.”
“You say that now, Evvie, but I can’t expect you to be okay with this.” Brett wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me against him.
Tears welled in my eyes. “I feel guilty because I don’t want this baby to be yours. I want to give you a child. Me. Not some other woman.”
“I know,” he whispered against my neck. “As much as I want children with you, right now I want you all to myself. I’m selfish. I couldn’t deal with you giving your love to someone else right now.”
I turned in his arms and sat in his lap, wrapping my legs around his waist. “Listen to me when I tell you that the love I feel for you could never be shared.”
His eyes narrowed. “We’re strong. We will deal with this.”
I nodded and rested my head against his shoulder. Grazing my thumb over his nipple, I sighed. We sat in silence for what felt like an eternity. At that moment, I wished I could have been inside his head. I wanted to know what he was thinking. How he was feeling.
The muscles of his strong jaw ticked, his full lips set in a grim line. The dark scruff of his five o’clock shadow made the tips of my fingers tingle.
A realization came to me, one that I couldn’t believe I never noticed before. “You haven’t had a nightmare since the night before we got married.”
Brett met my gaze and quickly looked away.
I frowned. “You have had one haven’t you?”
He nodded.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, rising to my knees.
“I’m trying to deal with them.”
I grabbed his chin and forced him to look at me. “Not on your own.”
His jaw clenched. “I don’t want to hurt you. You telling me no...Evvie, for a moment I thought you were scared of me…again.”
Didn’t he know me at all? “Never. God, Brett, I was trying to help you. To help us. I’m no expert but I know if you keep letting your nightmares win, they will take control of you.”
He shook his head. “I don’t fucking think so.”
I huffed and rose to my feet, stepping out of the tub.
“Evvie.”
I shook my head and walked to the bedroom, the cool air caressing my soaked skin. “I don’t want you dealing with this on your own. You need me.”
Brett scrubbed a hand down his face, the droplets of water running down his hard body that I tried so hard to ignore at that moment. “I’m trying to take control of them. I’m trying to deal with them without having to be inside you. Without needing to control you.”
I spun on him. “I need you to control me. You won’t hurt me, Brett.”
“Evvie, I could—”
“No!” I cried.
He raised an eyebrow, momentarily surprised by my outburst.
I took a couple cleansing breaths before I explained. “I don’t want you getting stuck inside your head.”
Brett frowned and closed the distance between us. “You’re worried for me?”
Grazing my fingers down his chest, I brushed them over the soft skin just above his length. “Of course I am. You’ve been doing so well. I don’t want you having a setback.”
He pinched my chin, tilting my head to meet his mouth. “I love you.”
“Promise me,” I breathed.
He curled a hand around the back of my neck. “I promise, but if it gets to be too much, please let me know.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, turning in his arms.
“If I get too rough, tell me.” He kissed my shoulder and met my gaze in the mirror.
I nodded. “I will. I promise you that, my husband.”
***
“I see you two got married,” Dr. Santos said, indicating the rings on our hands.
We both nodded, entwining our fingers.
“How are things?”
I gripped Brett’s hand tight in mine as we sat across from Dr. Santos. His small office smelled of sandalwood and leather, the two scents mixing as one making my body relax.
“We’ve had some minor setbacks,” Brett mumbled.
Dr. Santos raised an eyebrow. “Like what?”
Brett told him about Claire and the possible baby. His mother and stepfather and what they did to him. Hearing about me walking into him being strapped to the bed, made my stomach clench. I never wanted to experience something like ever that again.