“Don’t. Don’t feel sorry for me,” he snapped. “I just…I…fuck.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned my head against his chest. “I’m sorry that you went through what you did. I’m not feeling sorry for you like you automatically assume.”
A chuckle rumbled from his chest. “I love your brazenness.”
I rolled my eyes and grabbed his hands, hugging his arms around me. “I’m here for you. Whatever you need. Whatever you want, just ask and I’m yours.”
“Sometimes I don’t know how to ask,” he mumbled.
I looked up at him. I didn’t know how to ask him either. “Then show me. Like you did tonight.”
His jaw clenched. “That was a dick move on my—”
“Stop,” I demanded. “I did not complain. It’s not like you forced yourself on me, so stop it. This is what I’m here for. I’m your girlfriend, Brett. I’m here to help you through everything. I’m your forever, remember that.”
“But I shouldn’t have done that,” he said averting my gaze. “I shouldn’t have been so rough.”
I turned in his arms and huffed. I was sick of him berating himself. I always took what he threw at me and I never complained. Not once. “You’ve always been rough. Why are you now upset for making love to me like you did?”
“That wasn’t making love, Evvie. I was fucking rough.”
I took a breath. “Listen to me and listen to me good.”
Brett raised his eye brow, a hint of amusement flashing in his blue gaze. “Go on.”
“I love you. I love everything about you. I enjoy when you make love to me like you can’t get enough. Like you can’t control the deep seeded need for me.”
“Tonight I couldn’t,” he mumbled.
I cupped his cheek and placed a soft kiss on his lips. “Exactly. I’m not fragile. I won’t break.”
His eyes searched my face before he looked away. “I wanted to break you into submission.”
My body tingled. I took a breath and cupped his cheek. “I’ve begged for you to break me. Maybe it was the heat of the moment. I don’t know but I do know that I love you and that I want to help you in any way I can.”
“I don’t want to hurt you, Evvie,” he added, his voice thick.
“There’s a difference between hurting me and harming me, Brett,” I said, turning back around. “You should know that. Look at the things we have done already.”
His hand ran up and down my arm before he replied. “I’m scared that one of these days I’ll be too rough, Evvie.”
“Don’t be. Yes, your passion overwhelms me sometimes but not because I’m scared of you.”
“Then what?”
I thought a moment. “It scares me that I enjoy it so much and that I crave more.” I realized as soon as the words left my lips, the revelation dawned on me. Brett liked administering pain for pleasure and I loved receiving it. Did that really make me a masochist? Was I a freak?
“No man ever spanked you during sex before?” he asked. It was like he read my mind.
I shook my head. “I thought it was weird but with you…” My cheeks heated. “God, the feel of your hands landing hard against my ass…” A hot shiver ran down my spine and I cleared my throat.
“I enjoy knowing that I’m your first…and last for many things,” Brett said, his voice lowering.
I smiled. “You better be my last.”
He smirked and kissed my forehead. “I am yours.”
I watched as he entwined our fingers. It was a slow, sensual movement but it meant so much that in just that small touch, I could feel his love pouring between our fingertips.
“Does it bother you?” he asked softly.
“Hmm?”
He grinned. “Does it bother you that you enjoy the pain I give you?”
I chewed my bottom lip. “I’m…I don’t know. During the moment, no, but when I go back and think about it, I wonder if something is wrong with me.”
“Did it bother you that you asked for me to use my belt on you?” he asked, wrapping his hand around my throat.
My body instantly melted into his touch, relaxing at the restraint of him holding me. “No. Actually, it didn’t.” And that was the truth. “But this is all new to me. I just don’t know how to deal.”
He kissed my head. “We learn in time.” His hand moved to the back of my neck. “I’m here to teach you.”
“Does it bother you that I like the pain you give me?” As soon as the question left my lips, I felt dumb. Why would it bother him? God, Evvie. You’re such a—