Resisting Ryder(21)

“I messed up so bad,” he cried. “I just want you. I just want to be with you.”

“Hayden,” she said. She wanted to break it to him gently. “I’m in a really weird place right now. Everything is so complicated. I don’t know if this is a good time for us to revisit anything.”

Hayden sat up and dried his eyes with his hands. He seemed a little embarrassed. He wasn’t usually one to open up emotionally to anyone. He was a star quarterback, former med school student, son of a prominent Coleville doctor. He wasn’t supposed to let his guard down or act like his life was anything other than perfectly put together.

“Thanks for the flowers,” Stormy said as she tried to break the awkward silence between them. “They’re very pretty.”

Hayden smiled and nodded as he avoided eye contact with her. He inched a little bit away from her on the couch.

“I should probably take off,” he said as he slapped his hands on his thighs and stood up.

“You literally just got here,” she protested.

“Yeah, and I poured my heart out to you and you pushed me away,” he retorted. “You clearly have no place for me in your life.”

“That’s not true at all,” she said as she stood up next to him. “Can’t we be friends? After everything we’ve been through together?”

“I can’t be friends with you, Stormy,” he said as he turned to face her. “I love you too much.”

Stormy didn’t know whether it was the rollercoaster of emotions coursing through her body at any given second, her gut wrenching loneliness, Hayden’s words or a combination of all three, but something came over her in that moment. She placed her hands at his hips and leaned in towards him. The air between them was charged, and she knew what was about to happen.

She nudged her face up towards him as her lips met his. He kissed her back, softly and gently at first and then passionately. He cupped the back of her head with his big hands as his fingers tangled through her long, dark, curly hair.

What am I doing? She thought to herself.

She knew she didn’t love him. She could never love Hayden the way she loved Jett. Hayden was sort of a placeholder for her. He was filling the vast, empty void. He was filling the giant, gaping hole in her constantly aching heart.

There was something comforting about kissing Hayden. Never mind that he dumped her like a sack of potatoes year ago. Never mind that he was always running hot and cold around her. He felt safe for a brief moment. She didn’t care if he walked out the door and never came back. She didn’t care if he kept pining for her and chasing after her. None of it meant anything, and maybe that’s why she wanted to kiss him.

She just wanted to feel something, anything. As Hayden’s lips pressed against hers and his hands held her body close to his, Ryder’s face immediately flashed before her. She wasn’t expecting it. It just sort of happened, and in that moment kissing Hayden felt like kissing sandpaper. He had lost all appeal. And then she pulled away.

“What? What’s wrong?” Hayden asked, breathless.

“We shouldn’t do this,” she sighed.

“You kissed me,” he reminded her as he leaned in for more.

“I know, I know. I’m sorry,” she said as she leaned away. “I told you, I’m in a weird place right now.”

Hayden took a deep breath and a step back. “I should go.”

Stormy nodded in agreement and said nothing.

She watched as he went back to the front door to put his shoes back on, and she walked him just outside the front door. He hugged her goodbye and then strutted back to his car. The moment he got inside, he stared at her and smiled. The smile was a mixture of pity and hope. Hayden was probably just as confused as Stormy was about the whole thing, but she had clearly given him an ounce of hope that he didn’t have before.





CHAPTER 8




Stormy checked her cell phone the next morning as soon as she got up. She had been leaving it off for the last two weeks, but decided to leave it on so she wouldn’t miss Ryder’s call. The thought of hearing his voice sent butterflies whirling around in her stomach followed by instant pangs of guilt and confusion.

She heated some water in the kettle on the stove and got out a mug and some tea. She toasted some wheat bread with butter and sat at her kitchen table. The silence of the house was almost deafening, but she was quickly becoming used to it. This was going to be her life from now on unless she did something about it.

As she chewed her final bite of toast, her phone began to light up and buzz. It was Ryder. She washed her food down with a couple gulps of hot tea, nearly scalding her throat, and took a deep breath.