“I’m sorry.” There’s pity in her features. “He was the other survivor. We just lost him today.”
Bile slides up my throat, and I’m suddenly looking for something to throw up in. “I need a bucket,” I say, glancing at Lauren. “Somebody get me a fucking bucket!”
Julie scurries to the bathroom, rushing back with a trashcan in her hand. I grab it and hurl into it three times. Every part of me hurts. Lauren tries to soothe me, but I want to be left alone, knowing I’m responsible for this. I killed him by bringing him into my world, and Reese will never be able to forgive me for it.
Lying back against the pillow, unable to look anyone in the face, I mutter, “I need some time.” Swallowing down the pain, I continue, “Nothing against you, Lauren. Just give me an hour.”
“Okay.” Her voice is shaky. “I’ll give you some time. I love you, big brother. And I’m proud of you.”
I choke, staring at the wall where no one can see the guilt consuming me. “I love you, too.”
I’ve been staring at the ceiling for twenty minutes, wishing there was a way I could turn back the clock and not handle things the way I had that night. I was a second too late—one second. I should have never turned my back on my father. Why did I start with Marcus? Why? Glenn has always been the real villain. Two people died that night because of me.
“How are you feeling, sweetie?” The nurse comes in and checks on my vitals.
“You don’t want me to answer that.”
She considers me a moment, her eyes showing pity. “Our chaplain is right outside your door. He was wondering if he could have a word with you?”
“Send him in,” I tell her, glancing in that direction.
She peeks around the corner, and they exchange a few words before the chaplain walks in.
“Hello Luke.” He smiles. “I’m Pastor Sorenson, one of the chaplains here at the hospital. I understand you’re having a difficult time with some recent events in your life.” His voice is filled with concern.
Watching him warily, I mutter, “Uh huh.” I’m not sure what all he knows. I don’t like the idea of dishing out my personal business.
“I’m also a licensed counselor with the FBI and wondered if you’d like me to pray with you? Many times prayer will help relieve some of the emotional stress one is feeling … sometimes even physical pain.”
“That’s very kind of you, but I’m going to decline. Thank you, though.”
Disappointment flashes across his features, then he nods, digging into his pocket. “Here’s my card if you change your mind. I’ve been told I’m a good listener.”
I take it and set it on the table, as he starts for the door. “Goodbye, Luke. Remember, you’re not alone.”
Where have I heard that before? Andrew. “You remind me of someone,” I blurt out, but he doesn’t hear me. He’s already gone.
I press the red button to get the nurse’s attention. It takes a couple minutes before she prances in with a wide smile and her hands on her hips. “What can I get for you, handsome?”
“I need to make some calls, and there’s no phone in here.”
Her face falls. “Unfortunately …” She sighs. “That I can’t help you with. It sounds silly, but the nursing staff was given special orders not to give you a phone, or allow visitors unless they’re family. If you’re looking for your wife, she’ll be here shortly.”
Right. “You mean Rachelle?”
“Yes, your wife. I called to let her know you’re awake. She’s thrilled and said she’s on her way.”
I hold back a groan. “Thanks. Do you know when I’ll be allowed to communicate with people outside of the hospital?” I assume the restriction has to do with the investigation. “There are people I need to get ahold of, and it’s important.” Reese is going to need someone right now, and I want to be there for her.
“I’m sorry, I don’t have the answer to that. I’m just following orders, but if anything changes, you’ll be the first to know.”
Nodding, I tell her, “I appreciate it. Thanks Julie.”
Lauren enters the room hesitantly.
I wave her over, feeling bad for kicking her out in the first place “Come in.” She drove a long way to see me, and I miss having her around.
Her heels clank against the floor as she prances over and plants another kiss on my cheek. “I’m worried about you, bro.”
I pull back and give her a funny look. “What’s with all the kissing?” With my good arm, I take a swipe at my cheek.