I felt like a doormat—totally used and exhausted after not having slept well for three nights. I hadn’t felt like I’d slept when I woke in the morning. It was like I had lain there in a trance as the night had passed, haunted by the words that had been thrown around before James left. I felt guilty, and it wasn’t an emotion I knew how to deal with.
“What’s wrong, Iz?” Joe asked as I stood to stretch.
“I just haven’t been sleeping well.” I rolled my neck on my shoulders, trying to relieve a headache I felt building.
“Is this about James?” Mike piped in, leaning back in his chair and watching me.
“I don’t know. I’m just a fucking mess.”
“Izzy, you know I hate any man who is with you or wants to be with you. Yes?” Joe asked, placing dollops of Vaseline on the plastic wrap laid out on his station. “I mean every fucking one of them.” He set the small, round inkwells on top, prepping his workstation for his next client.
“I know, Joe. I remember you threatening the lives of more than a few.” I laughed, bending over the stretch my lower back.
“I like James,” he said, causing me to stand up and look at him.
“You’ve got to be shitting me,” I said, completely in shock.
“He’s not a shithead. He’s a solid guy. Works hard, likes your brothers, and seems to adore you. Fuck, he fit right in with the family too.”
“He adores me?” I shook my head. “Clearly you saw something else than I did.”
“I saw the way he looks at you, Iz,” Mike agreed, getting up from his chair and coming over to my workstation.
“Like a piece of meat he can control.” I knew my brothers didn’t want to hear about my sex life, and I sure as fuck didn’t want to tell them, but I thought my words could be taken many ways.
“I’m going to talk to you as a friend and not my sister,” Mike said, looking down at me with a smile. “Shit’s going to be hard to swallow, but I’m going to say my piece.”
“Here we go,” I whispered, sitting back down and waiting to hear his pearls of wisdom.
“He looks at you like I look at Mia and Joe looks at Suzy. He looks at you like he worships the very ground you walk on, Iz. Men are bossy creatures—it’s in our nature. If you find one who isn’t, then they don’t have a set of balls,” Mike explained, shaking his head. “Every boy you liked was a total pussy and not worthy of your time. They wanted in your pants and that’s why we ran them off. James is an entirely different animal.”
I sighed, knowing that my brother was right. I knew the look on his face when he stared at me. I was sure it was a reflection of how I looked at him, but it didn’t mean I liked it.
“He’s bossy, Mike. I don’t think I can deal with that caveman bullshit.”
“You deal with ours just fine.” Anthony laughed across the room as he walked toward his seat.
“You guys are different. You’re my brothers and you do things to protect me and make me happy.”
“Who’s to say James isn’t the same?” Joe asked, swiveling his chair around to face me.
“I have to love you because we’re blood,” I said, avoiding his question.
“I try to stay the fuck out of your business, sister, but for once, you’re wrong,” Anthony interrupted.
“When you guys need help, I’m the first person you run to, and now you think you know what’s best for me?”
“We come to you for help because you’re the toughest chick we know. You’re always one step ahead of everyone and everything. You’re a force to be reckoned with, Isabella,” Joe said.
I hated when they dropped my full name. It showed that they were serious. Where the fuck was Terri? I wanted him to get the fuck back in here so this conversation would be put on the back burner.
“Listen, boys, I don’t need a man in my life to complete me. I’m not weak.” Fuck it. I was the fiercest bitch I knew. People didn’t fuck with me unless I let them. Many men had been brought to their knees by a swift kick to the balls by me. The only people in the world I let talk to me this way were in this room.
“Weakness is walking away,” Mike muttered, grabbing his chair and pushing it close to my station. “It takes strength to face the unknown and do it in the name of love.”
“You’ve been listening to too much Barry Manilow or Lionel Richie or some bullshit. Who’s filling your head with this nonsense?” Where had my tough-ass brother gone? I mean, a year ago he wouldn’t have been telling me that it took strength to take a chance on love.